When Darkness Turns To Light
by IfYouLovedMe
Summary: A band that's gaining popularity suddenly has to enroll in Sweet Amoris. Jackie and Natalie suddenly find themselves latched in a tangled web of high school drama, before they can even settle in. Then, when Jackie's brother is murdered on Halloween Night, neither of them can imagine how quickly their problems will escalate. Lysander/OC Castiel/OC POSSIBLY M LATER
1. Little Talks

**Thorn: Recently, I started a profile on—you guessed it—My Candy Love. And, guess whom I fell in love with right away? You guessed it again! Castiel. Oh, my Castiel. But then, along came a certain someone's freaking _gorgeous_ best friend…. And now, I have serious problems deciding which of them I like better. I mean, Lysander is freaking _sexy. _And then Armin and Alexy shoe up in episode ten… Oh my lord, this school is full of sexy men. Sadly, Alexy is gay… it made me sad… But I still have him as a shopping buddy! I actually wasn't going to write a fanfic, and, if it weren't for ExactlyAmanda, I wouldn't be. She's also a writer on here, and if you haven't read the greatest fanfics of all time, check her out. She is now my hero, and I don't want to hear anybody else say anything bad about her. But back to my fanfic.**

_**Jacquelyn "Jackie" Rose: 18, 5'6", shoulder-length layered dark brown hair (layer underneath is dark blue), silvery-gray eyes (abbreviated J(POV))**_

_**Derek and Eric Rose: Jackie's twin 15 year old brothers, both 5'11", shoulder length blonde hair (though Derek dyes his brown), bright blue eyes**_

_**Zane Cyrus: 18, 5'10", short, curly reddish hair, dark eyes**_

_**Natalie Ketzler: 18, 5'4", long sandy blonde hair, pale green eyes **_**_(abbreviated N(POV))_**

_**I don't own MCL or anything associated with it, but unless otherwise specified, I do own all the songs in this fanfic.**_

JPOV

This had to be the most impossible task on the face of the planet! There was nothing, no mathematical equation, no chemical reaction, no fabulous miracle that could possibly fix the horrid curse that was currently laid upon my body. If there were an antidote for it, the company that made it would make millions. If the military could bottle it and use it as a weapon, there would be chaos around the world.

You have no idea what it felt like, then and there, to be standing in the back of a mall-store dressing room, your friends throwing gorgeous clothes at you right and left, and then turning down _every single thing _when you put it on. It was unreal. The more that flew by me, the more frustrated I got. I was never going to find the right thing…

Slipping into a bright teal A-line dress, I exited the dressing room, my face downcast and miserable.

With a soft sigh, Natalie said, "Not that one either…"

"This is so pointless!" I yelled through my teeth. "We're never going to find a damn thing!" I looked over at the large pile of clothes that now existed under the return rack, which had long since been full. So many beautiful dresses, adorable shirts, nicely fitting jeans, all discarded like trash… I was sure whoever had to put them back would be horrified with the task.

"Maybe you're just ugly," Derek offered with a shrug. My glance shot daggers at him. "Just a suggestion."

"She's not ugly, Derek. The fact that you could even think of such a thing shows just how shallow you are." A hint of a smile broke at the corner of my lips. My quiet defender, Zane. He never let me down.

"I'm not shallow!" he answered, exasperated. "We've just been through everything, and apparently nothing is good enough!"

Someone cleared his throat behind me.

"Huh?"

The sight that presented itself was that of a boy with neon blue hair and striking pink eyes. He was probably the most well dressed male I'd seen in my entire life, between his also very blue tee and orange jacket and dark jeans. It made me smile to look at him. As I did, he offered a one-shouldered, dark blue minidress and a pair of black leggings. "If I may ask—try this on?"

"And who are you to ask something like that?" Natalie scoffed.

"I may not know who he is, but I know I'll listen to anyone dressed as fabulously as he is." As I closed the door again, I caught him smile. It took me a matter of seconds to change, and when I did, it shocked me.

"_Oh my God!_"

There was shuffling outside as I stared at myself in the mirror. This was absolutely unbelievable! In a matter of ten seconds, one random boy had fixed three hours of useless work, and, when I went to show the others, a large, very stupid grin was plastered to my face.

"Wow, sis!" Eric gawked.

The blue-haired boy nodded thoughtfully. "Just like I thought. Your eyes are such a bright color that they need something darker to offset them so they don't look so overpowering. They're quite beautiful, really. And, maybe… familiar…?" He blinked, and then recognition spread across his face. The second before his mouth opened, my hand was already clamped over it. And even though I knew no one had noticed, I still found my head whipping around to check.

"Please don't say anything!" I whispered urgently.

He shook his head vigorously, and I cautiously moved away from him.

"I'm sorry… I just… Can't always have people bombarding us, you know? And it gets worse the more popular we get… I'm surprised as many people know us as they do…"

"Are you kidding?" If I had thought my grin as I came from the dressing room was stupid, his was moronic. "You guys rock! You're probably my favorite band _eveeeeeer._"

The way his voice rose made me laugh.

"But, anyway. You want help finding something else?" His face turned to a pout. "My brother dumped me here and left… He hates shopping…"

"That would be great," I answered happily, watching as his face lit up.

"Yeah? Awesome! I'm Alexy, by the way."

I offered my hand, and he responded by hugging me tight enough to knock the breath from my lungs, but letting go as quickly as he'd grabbed me.

"Let's go!"

Before I knew it, we'd spent another four hours browsing around the mall, and my arms ached from the weight of the bags draped over them, and my feet throbbed from the duration of our walk. I couldn't be upset, though, even with all the money I'd spent. Not when Alexy looked so happy. I liked this kid a lot. He was so happy and energetic, and smiled so much I was sure his cheeks would hurt. He constantly made me laugh. He'd even put on a goofy-looking top hat and done a small photo-shoot with Natalie. It had, however, occurred to me that he might be the tiniest bit _gay_. Prime example: one of the guys from my old school walked by the table we were sitting at for lunch and shot us girls a wink. The weird thing was, when he left, Alexy totally went insane throwing questions at us. _Who's he? How old is he? Where's he live? Where's he go to school?_ The two of us could only bust out laughing.

Currently, we were sitting outside J.C. Penny on one of the couches. I dropped my bags and rubbed my feet gingerly.

"Did we walk too much?" Alexy asked worriedly.

"Nah," I answered with a smile. "My heels just aren't agreeing with me right now. That was the most fun I've had in a long time. You're pretty cool, Alexy."

He beamed at me just as a voice called his name from a few stores down.

"Huh?" I blinked.

"Oh…" His face fell. "That's my brother… I wasn't supposed to leave that store… And only be in there an hour…"

"Alexy! There you are!" The boy that approached us looked flustered, running a hand through his black hair. He wore a light brown undershirt with an off-white overshirt and a navy vest. A purple scarf hung from his neck and his jeans were dark and plain. A few bracelets clinked as he put his hand on his side. He looked just like Alexy, but more… Masculine. I blinked. _Wow, he's cute_. "Why did you leave the store?"

"I forgot…" my new friend answered sheepishly.

"Sorry. Alexy was with us. He kinda helped me solve a fashion emergency." I rubbed my neck. "And… I wanted to thank him… So I took him shopping." I flashed an apologetic smile. "I hope we didn't cause you too much trouble. I'm Jackie, and these are Natalie, Zane, and my Brothers Eric and Derek."

There was a moment's pause as if he were deciding whether or not to answer. "Armin."

"Nice to meet you." I smiled widely. "And again, I'm really sorry…"

"… I guess I should be thankful." Armin rubbed his neck.

"He was no trouble, really." I giggled. "Actually, he was great."

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Alexy straighten and puff out his chest proudly, making my stifle a stronger fit of laughter.

"If you say so."

The blue-haired twin pouted. "You don't give me enough credit. I'm not that bad…" He paused, then looked at me anxiously. "Am I?"

"Of course not! You were fantastic!" I assured him.

"But you just accepted that you had the equivalent of a little child following you around?"

I shrugged. "He helped me find an outfit to wear at our next—"

Zane cleared his throat, shooting me a look from the corner of his eye. An 'if-you-say-anything-I'll-kill-you' rolled off him.

But I didn't have to say a word. "Your next concert, I assume."

All of us blinked.

"Alexy is in love with you guys." The answer was offhand, and Armin looked away from us.

"It's true, like I said. You and Natalie are soooo gorgeous—I love your smooth hair and her beautiful eyes, and Zane is—"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if you like having your mouth attached to your face." Zane's dark eyes narrowed as he spoke, but soon, the entire group was all but dying with laughter as Alexy pressed his hands over his mouth so tightly the skin turned white, stumbling backwards, eyes wide and looking petrified.

"I wouldn't mind hanging out more. We've got a big house, lots of rom if you guys'd like to come over sometime…"

"Wait, don't we get a say in this?" Derek and Eric complained.

"No," Natalie and I both answered, looking at each other and grinning.

"Besides, _Jackie _owes me a rematch at Guitar Hero. We have unfinished business," she growled playfully.

"I can't help it if you've never had a chance."

Armin's face lit up. "Guitar Hero?"

"You play?" I asked him.

"You bet!"

"Then I challenge you. Or, after I teach an inferior her lesson."

"_Inferior?_"

"Oh, hold on."

"What's the hold-up?" Alexy called from the back of the pack, waving his arms like he thought I couldn't see him.

"Ah… I have a dog." I wrinkled my nose, somewhat flustered with myself for not thinking of this earlier. God, what a scene this was going to be…

"So?" Armin asked. "It's just a dog, right?"

"A…Very large dog."

"Meaning?"

I took a deep breath. _Lord, please don't let Luna eat them alive…_ Knowing it didn't matter if I waited to explain, I opened the front door. Nothing happened. I frowned before going in slowly and laying my bags down on the couch. "Luna? Here girl!"

There was a bark from the back room, and a scuffling of feet on the linoleum of the kitchen floor opposite from where I was.

"Jacquelyn?" The voice was deep, soft, and tired.

My body froze briefly before I hurled myself through the hallway, straight into the arms of my father. "_Daddy?_" Tears welled behind my eyelids as I rubbed my face against his shoulder. His uniform was clean, but it felt too soft against the skin of my face to be new. No—it had been worn out, alright.

"Hi baby girl… I missed you…" He stroked my hair gently.

"Why didn't you tell me they were sending you home?!" I felt panicked. The house was a wreck—I'd meant today to be cleaning day after I'd come back from shopping.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I got here and you and the boys were out—I assumed you were at the mall, like a lot of times." I heard the smile in his voice as he continued. "Plus, if you'd known I was coming, you would've worked yourself to death to make everything perfect. That's not what I wanted. I only wanted to be back with you kids."

Other arms wrapped around me from both sides, and I knew the twins had joined in our little reunion.

"We missed you too, Dad," they said in unison before letting go once again.

My Dad tilted my chin up and whispered, "They haven't been too much of a bother for a girl like you, have they?"

I smiled, blinking the tears from my eyes. "Never. Besides, it was usually more than the three of us anyway." Turning, I gestured to Natalie and Zane, the latter of who nodded.

"Hello sir."

"Hello, son. You've been taking care of my daughter?"

"_Dad!_" My face heated, and I rubbed my cheeks, hoping no one would notice.

"Yes sir, I have."

I was appalled as I stared at him. His face was impassive, his eyes blank. How could he say something like that?

"Hi Mr. Rose!" Natalie bounded up for a hug of her own. She'd always been like a second daughter to my dad, I knew, because she'd hung around here so much when I was younger. Her mom was gone, just like mine, and she'd never known her dad. The aunt she lived with was nice, but awfully strange, and Natalie preferred to be home as little as possible. This wasn't too difficult with all the practicing we did for our concerts these days.

"Hi girlie." He rubbed her head, grinning down at her. It was strange sometimes how obvious it was that my brothers were related to my dad. They looked all but the same, except that my dad was a few inches taller than the both of them and slightly bulkier from all the training he'd done. "How've you been?"

She beamed up at him. "I've been just fine, sir."

"The three of you have really grown up in five years."

I nodded. "We've even got two CD's out already. We're working hard on a third one, but we still need work before we release it."

Reaching into the bag on the floor beside him, he pulled out two flat squares. "I know it. Got 'em both. Most everyone in my unit was very impressed with the three of you. John couldn't believe you were the little girl he'd taught in the first grade."

"How's he doing?" The last report I'd heard said that John had been shot in the leg, possibly wounding him enough to lose the use of that limb.

"Still fighting. He's around on crutches for now, but he's healing. He was going to stop by later, actually, after he went home to his wife." He paused, looking over my shoulder ad blinking. "And who might these two young men be?"

"Ah—Alexy and Armin," I answered sheepishly. In truth, I'd forgotten I'd invited them to come over, and felt guilty.

My father raised an eyebrow. "And, um, what're they doing here?"

"Well, sir, you see…" I quickly explained about the trouble I'd had at the mall and that I barely knew either of them, but since I was grateful for Alexy's help, I wanted to hang out with them.

"So… Neither of them is your boyfriend?" This time, I couldn't stop the blush on my face.

"Of course not! I barely know either of them, and—" I stopped myself before I could announce that Alexy was _gay_.

"Maybe we'll just come back some other time," Armin mumbled, looking at the wall. "You're busy so…"

"N-no!" I felt worse when he suggested they leave. I wasn't going to just let my dad embarrass them out like he had back before he'd been deployed.

"It's alright. You kids have fun. I'm really tired anyway, so I was going to take a nap." He kissed my forehead and ruffled the boys' hair. "Oh, quickly before I go—There's something important I need to talk to the three of you about later. Well, actually, all five of you, since I've already spoken to Natalie's aunt and Zane's parents."

With that, he turned and headed upstairs.

"Well, _that_ wasn't vague," Natalie said, screwing up her face in confusion.

"No kidding," I answered. "But in any case... Who's up for Guitar Hero?"

Several hours, four bags of chips, and a large number of soda cans later, I set the controller beside me on the couch. "We can't all be good at everything," I told Armin grouchily. He'd beat me at Guitar Hero. Then Black Ops, then Mortal Combat. I was getting quite frustrated, and was racking my brain to think of something I could possibly have a chance at.

"Hey, don't hate me 'cause I'm better than you." He grinned widely.

"I warned you. You just can't beat Armin at video games," Alexy sighed, shaking his head.

"I'll find a way to do it! I swear I will!" Jumping to my feet, I scrambled to the TV and dug through the CD case of games sitting on the stand.

"Aw, c'mon. if I know I'm going to beat you, it won't be any fun."

My fingers paused on a particular page, and a slow smile spread across my face. "No, you most definitely won't beat me this time. This, I'm sure of."

"I'll win no matter what it is."

"Are you willing to make a bet on that?"

"Name it." He was so confident, very different from when I'd first met him in the mall only a few hours ago. He'd been so shy and quiet then.

Oh, he was going to eat those words. And, because I was already being so bold, I inclined my chin and answered,

"Loser has to buy the victor dinner at the place of their choice."

His eyes widened at the suddenness, and then flashed to the floor. I thought I caught him blush.

"Giving up already, hotshot?" I taunted. His fighting spirit came back, his eyes lighting.

"Not on your life."

And then we shook on it.

"So, what game are you going to crush me at?" Armin smirked at me.

I held up the disk and he blinked. "That's not—"

"You said _any _game. So, you're going to have to dance better than Zane to beat me. Which is impossible, because even he can't beat me, and he's the best dancer I've ever seen in my life."

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught my fellow band-member grin.

As I'd predicted, he couldn't even come close to my score. I almost felt bad for him—he might as well have had no legs, since he'd have danced better that way. But I did say _almost_.

I clicked my tongue, humming happily. "You, my friend, now owe me dinner."

Just then, the stairs creaked behind us.

"Hey, sleepyhead." I smiled at my father. "What was it you wanted to talk to us about?"

"Ah, yeah. Well, it's just that, now that I'm ho—" His words were interrupted by a rather large yawn before he continued. "Now that I'm home, I don't see why you can't go back to public school."

The room was silent with shock for a long moment.

"Like, the one here in town? Sweet Amoris?" Alexy sounded excited.

"Yes, that would be the one."

"… B-but, Daddy… We haven't ben to public school in _five years._ Since seventh grade! No one will remember us…. And…"

"You'll be fine. All of you. People will love you." He smiled gently.

"Yeah, and you'll be going to school with us!" Alexy's voice was practically a squeal.

"…Yeah?" I tried to sound enthusiastic, but I was hardly excited.

"Totally! And there are some really great people there—there's bands, art, basketball club…" He went on, but I was only half listening.

Public school? There wasn't all that many things that intimidated me. I performed in front of crowds of thousands of people, for crying out loud! But one thought hung heavy in my mind: if anyone _did _remember me… Would they treat me differently now? All the friends I had that I hadn't talked to in so long, would they still like me? But under all the worrying about people in general… There was one last thing. My rival, Debrah, could still be at Sweet Amoris.

**Thorn: Okay, there you have it! Chapter one is done! I'm sure you're all wondering why I chose not to label the guys—like, who the fic is for. Suspense, my friends, suspense! Though I'm sure some of you will guess… Ah, well, no matter! R&R people, and I'll get the next chapter up as quickly as I can!**


	2. Change

**Thorn: Hey, people! Miss me? I missed you! Ah, March 10. It's so nice outside today… I'm in such a good mood, sitting here with my bedroom window open! I'm feeling inspired enough to write **_**two**_** chapters today! Be excited, and if not, I'll definitely post the second one tomorrow. Oh, for anyone who cares: if you noticed, I gave the first chapter an **_**actual title!**_** I've decided that for this fanfic, the chapters will have song names as their titles. In case you didn't know, that one was **_**Little Talks **_**by **_**Of Monsters And Men.**_** This one is **_**Change **_**by **_**Taylor Swift.**_** Also! I'm going to make this fanfic as different as possible. Instead of the normal chapters that everyone has where their characters go through the god awful first bit of school where they're getting to know peoples' immediate personalities, I'm simply going to do their first day of school, then skip a month to a month and a half, that way no one gets bored reading the same old thing! A big thanks to ExactlyAmanda and McKenna Troy Evens for being my first two reviewers—I'm glad you guys liked it, and there are only good things to come! But, more of you should review as well, and I'll be extremely grateful if you do! Thanks!**

NPOV

The nervous anticipation was tearing my insides to shreds as I tried to down a blueberry muffin at my kitchen table. My knee bounced rapidly, the soft cotton of my teal dress brushing against my skin. A simple black belt around my middle, a knitted gray hat, and black flats were its company.

I was in no way, shape or form going to give a crap what people thought of me at this new school. I was proud of who I was, and I wasn't trying to impress anyone by being fabulously dressy my first day, though it was obvious my aunt disapproved.

"Are you sure I have to go, Aunty?" I pestered her for the thousandth time. I knew she had levels of patience often unheard of, but it seemed even that was wearing thin when she shot me a thin-lipped, reassuring smile.

"Yes, dear. You'll be fine."

I hardly believed that, but fell silent again, nibbling on my muffin.

After Jackie's dad had announced we'd all be attending Sweet Amoris, he'd added that we wouldn't be starting until the beginning of the next semester after summer vacation. Alexy and Armin had been nice enough to get it approved for us to look around while classes were going on. Both Jackie and I had the floor plan memorized already, but that didn't seem to aid in soothing our anxiety about being new our senior year.

It was a relatively—or, at least from the bit we knew about public high school—normal high school. There were two main floors, a lot of boring classrooms, a gym, a library, and a greenhouse. There was a stairwell that ran up to what I assumed was a balcony I'd seen from the parking lot that I was extremely curious about, and made a mental note to have Zane come with me to check it out.

The few students that had seen us waved and said hi when they passed us in town or elsewhere, but with no names and my awful memory for faces, I still didn't recognize anyone. Jackie had assured me that we'd be fine, but her optimistic personality made it easy for her to look forward to this, even if she _was_ nervous.

My aunt's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "It's seven thirty. It would be a good idea to get to school early to get your paperwork turned in and get your schedule."

I faintly nodded to her as she placed her coffee mug and my glass in the sink.

"Would you like me to drive you on your first day and walk you in?"

All but choking on crumbs I'd inhaled in shock, I managed to cough out, "N-no! I'll be alright! I know where everything is, and Alexy and Armin are meeting us there anyway!"

She frowned at me. "Those two boys you met at the mall?"

"Yeah! They've been hanging out at Jackie's place a lot, and we've gotten to know them pretty well." Before she could suggest any more embarrassing ideas, I jumped up from the table, tossing the rest of my breakfast in the trash, pecking her cheek, grabbing my bag from the back of the chair, and sprinted out the front door to my car.

My car was probably my favorite thing in the world next to the band and my friends—an oh-so-sleek-and-shiny cobalt blue Mustang, complete with full leather interior and decked out stereo system. Ordinarily, it bugged me that anything about me would stand out from other people. Not that I cared—it was just annoying to have people point out the differences. But not when I came to my car. I was proud of how well kept it was, and it made me happy to know I'd had the only thing I'd really wanted since I'd turned thirteen.

As I dumped my stuff in the passenger seat, I hit the radio and turned it up. To hell with anyone that thought the music I liked was bad—apparently I wasn't allowed to listen to anything that wasn't the genre we sang. Which was total bull.

The parking lot was all but empty at twenty minutes to eight, since no one in their right mind would show up at school forty minutes before it started without good reason. Jackie's dark green jeep was the only vehicle I recognized among the few there. She waved from where he was sitting on the hood as I pulled in a few spots down, but then turned to the Black Jetta next to her, smiling as Armin and Alexy climbed out.

"Hey, Natalie!" She greeted me brightly when I made my way to them.

Unlike me, she had a style all her own, and instead of going with a safe bet on what to wear like I had, she was happily donning a one-shouldered, knee-length dress patterned in a way reminiscent of a Navaho design, paired with black boots that came to just below her knees. When she turned her head to me, I caught a few small, downy-looking black and white feathers strung through pieces of her hair with a leather tie adorned with beads.

The whole outfit struck me as unorthodox—but that was just Jackie. I didn't think a single piece of clothing she owned could connect her to a single style, other than the fact that most of them tended to be at least the slightest bit unusual.

"Ready for our first day?"

I nodded numbly as she brought back those pleasant thoughts. No, no I was certainly not ready. But it wasn't like I was about to let anyone else know that.

"Then let's go!"

As it turned out, we had to do a whole crap ton more paperwork, handed to us by none other than the principal herself. So many sheets, asking for full name, address, date of birth, prior schooling, contact numbers or emails, parent or guardian names… More detailed information than I cared to give. And every time the parent or guardian section appeared, a bitter taste flitted over the back of my tongue.

My father hadn't cared about my mother or I enough to even stay around for me to be born. I'd never known him, and would personally be content if I never met him. I was afraid of what I'd do to him if I did.

My mother had fallen ill around the time I turned five, and never seemed to get better. When I'd asked my aunt about it years later, she'd told me that Mother had had an incurable, unknown disease. For a long time after that, I'd grieved all over again. Now knowing the kind of pain she went through, but to keep on smiling and taking care of me every day when she knew she was going to die anyway… It made me sick to my stomach to even think about it.

Letting out my breath, I hooked the pen on the clipboard, nursing my aching wrist for a moment before going to the desk. The others were long since finished and gone—off to go find their classes. It was around ten, and, as far as I could tell, second block had just started. I would have to make a trip to my first block later to pick up whatever dumb homework assignment I'd have the first day.

The secretary nodded to me after looking over my forms. "Very good. You'll take these to the Student Council room down the hall. Ask for Nathaniel."

Picking up my bag, I did as I was told. A tall, very professionally dressed blonde guy greeted me. He appeared to be around my age, though his clothes made him look slightly older. He was absolutely adorable, and I could tell I would like him from the first time I looked at him.

"Hi, Nathaniel?" I smiled.

"You must be the last new student. We don't often get so many transfers at once." He returned the smile politely and took the papers.

"I was actually homeschooled," I corrected him.

"Oh, yes, that's right. I vaguely remember something about that… You live with your Aunt?"

"Huh?" I was taken aback before I realized that it was his job to have looked through the small amount of information they'd originally had about me. "Oh, yes. My Aunt Aggie."

He nodded, eyes never pausing as he leafed through the file. "I'll still have to find all your prior schooling records, but other than that, all we need is your photo ID and registration fee."

I had expected the fee, and immediately handed him the money, but I was confused about the first part. "Photo ID?"

"Yeah. There's a shop in town that'll get you one cheap—you can go now if you like, while I get the rest together."

As Nathaniel had said, the photo was cheap. What he had failed to mention was that there would be so many people at the store, and that I would have to wait another freaking _hour and a half_ to get my picture taken. Not only was my stress level out the roof, but I was in dire need of nicotine. Needless to say, by the time I returned to the Student Council room, I was incredibly flustered and in no mood to deal with anyone, even someone as friendly as him.

"Here," I muttered, shoving the small square of plastic across the desk.

"Ah, thank you… Here's your schedule. It's third period now." He scratched his neck awkwardly, and I immediately felt guilty. It wasn't his fault I was so frustrated. He was only doing his job.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I'm not so great with people, and I'm so freaking nervous—I'm a mess today… I didn't mean to snap at you like that." Gah, this whole public school thing was messing with my personality, and I hadn't even been to any classes yet. I was normally so lively, but today I was reclusive and jumpy. It bothered me, to say the least.

"It's alright, I understand." The smile he gave me was so beautiful it was almost blinding, and I had to blink. Woa. "Lunch is in an hour—if you want, we can eat in the library. It's quiet since not many people ever go in there."

"That would be great, thanks. See you then?"

"Of course."

When I turned to leave, I felt a light blush rise from my collar. How lucky could I get to meet someone so nice the first day? _So nice _and_ attractive,_ I added mentally.

First things first, though. I figured if I hadn't been to any classes yet, no one could miss me too much when wouldn't show. Normally I didn't slack off on things like this, but I was in desperate need of a cigarette. _Maybe that old stairwell will be open. I could go in there and no one will find me._

I dashed through the halls, only too eager to get away from everything that had happened this morning. But when I jiggled the handle, the door wouldn't open. _Dammit! Wait…_ I dug in my purse for a moment. _A bobby pin should do the trick, right? the locks here can't be awfully high-tech._ Sure enough, the latch popped when I clicked the hair accessory around for a moment. I was careful to close the door as quietly as possible before looking around, noting how dark it was in the bottom level, though it was nearly one o'clock now.

The stairs went up at least two floors, but I didn't feel the need to go anywhere but to the small area between the base of them and the wall. I sat back, stretching my legs out as I lit the end of the Marlboro and took a long drag. _Oh my god, beautiful…_ Slowly breathing out through my nose, I closed my eyes. Nicotine really was the most gorgeous thing ever discovered.

I didn't know how long I was there, but time did slowly become a factor again. When I glanced at my phone, it had been about forty minutes. Hm, still time before I had to meet Nathaniel.

"Enjoying yourself?" The deep voice startled me. I hadn't assumed anyone else would be here, and leaped to my feet. There was a figure leaning against the wall right inside the door. Funny, I hadn't heard I open. But, then, since I had to pick the lock and I technically wasn't even supposed to be here, I knew he wasn't either. And since he didn't seem in any hurry to drag me out to the principal's office for breaking into a part of school property, I could relax some.

However, I was still perplexed. "And if I am? What's it to you?"

There was a long silence. "I was just wondering how you got in here. It was locked."

I chewed on my words for a moment. "I picked the lock. I don't suppose you're seriously opposed to my wanting to get the hell away from all of that madness?"

The only reply was a soft snort.

"You're a student here." It wasn't really a question as it came off my tongue, but I found it strange that anyone would be here at this hour of the school day. Not that I was one to talk.

"Am I really? Oh, god, I had no idea!" I caught what sunlight reached this area reflect off his teeth.

"No need to be so rude…"

Once again, there was silence for a moment. "You must be new."

"Yeah, I am." Something about this guy irritated me, but also intrigued me. "I'm Natalie."

"I'm assuming you didn't go to any of your classes today, if you were here smoking."

"No. I couldn't stand the thought of immoral torture," I admitted.

That seemed to amuse him. "You've got no idea." A pause. "You me that idiot Nathaniel, didn't you?"

The bitterness in his voice surprised me. Nathaniel had seemed so nice. What could he have possibly done to this guy to spark that kind of emotion? "Yes, I met him. And, actually, I need to go." Picking up my bag, I headed for the door.

"Don't tell anyone you were in here."

I wanted to say, 'Duh, how stupid do you think I am?' but simply nodded before heading to the library.

I passed the cafeteria on the way there, and stopped to look in for a moment. I soon spotted Jackie sitting with Armin and Alexy. The bond she'd formed with the two in the short tome we'd known them was almost magical. She was so much happier when she was around them, and it made me feel better to see her smiling face.

Zane was sitting farther back, by the window, talking to the billionth person today I didn't recognize. From here, I couldn't see many details of his face, only that he had silver hair. But the majority of my attention was gathered on what he was wearing. I recognized the style from a bit of research I'd had to do for a history assignment a while back—it was Victorian Era, and quite beautifully done. Nearly flawless, at least from this distance. Some part of me knew that if Jackie hadn't talked to him yet, it wouldn't take very long for her to become friends with him.

Taking a deep breath, I continued on to the library. The quiet atmosphere quickly soothed my anxiety, and the soft sound of flipping pages combined with the subtle scent that all places containing many books have comforted me.

The voice that beckoned me to the rear of the large room led me to a set of round tables covered in stacks big and small of genres from history to science fiction.

"Hi," Nathaniel greeted.

I answered with a small smile, but as soon as I saw him, my meeting with that strange character in the stairwell came to the forefront of my mind. I had to know.

"Is there anyone in this school that doesn't like you?"

He seemed surprised by the suddenness of my question. "Yes, I suppose so. But no one can please everyone."

"No, I mean… Anyone with a good reason to hate you."

His eyebrows raised. "Why do you ask?"

"I, ah… Ran into someone on my way here," I lied. "We had a short chat and he brought you up. He didn't seem to like you very much."

"Oh? Where did you run into this person?"

"Er… on the other side of the school. He was just kinda hanging out there."

"Oh, I see. That was probably Castiel you met, Natalie. He's not exactly the best influence. He skips class a lot and smokes. That's not the kind of person I'd recommend you getting mixed up with, especially since you're new."

I drank in every bit of information he gave me. For some reason, it was exceptionally important that I could find out everything possible about this mysterious Castiel. Whether or not he and Nathaniel liked each other didn't really matter to me; if they wanted to spread bad rumors, let them. In any case, Castiel hadn't seemed mean, just sarcastic and mysterious. For all I knew, he could be the nicest person on the planet. I wasn't going to push anyone out of my 'possible friend' loop unless they gave me a reason to, which, as of yet, no one had.

If I knew anything, it was that this was going to be an interesting school.

**Thorn: Ah, okay, confession. Not the most awesome chapter ending, I know. But I found that by the time I made it about half way through writing the chapter, I was bored. It turned into the same chapter that's at the beginning of every MCL fic… But that's okay! From here on out, it'll all be different, I promise. R&R, please! Don't make me beg! I will post the next chapter tomorrow, hopefully. **


	3. Emotion

**Thorn: Eh? What? Oh, you're here to read the chapter, right? Right, duh. Sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't post this when I said—my computer wasn't working too well, and it was giving me grief. But here it is now! The title is **_**Emotion**_**, a song by **_**Los Lonely Boys. **_

JPOV

The next two months were wild ones for all of us. In fact, we'd all had so much to do for the first month of it that we only had one band practice. It made me sad, but I had suspected as much would be the case. Public school definitely took some adjusting on our part, between actually having a class schedule with no room for change and all the homework we weren't used to. I only had one class with Zane—calculus—and none at all with Natalie. I couldn't have cared less for having any with my brothers, but since we were in different grades, it wasn't likely anyway.

People around the school were friendly for the most part, even if I really hadn't made too many friends. There were two girls—Iris and Melody—that sat with the twins and I at lunch, and I'd become quite fond of them. Iris was a bit… strange. I didn't know any other word to describe her, but I didn't know exactly how to describe _why_ I thought she was strange. Melody was a bit easier; she was laid back, calm, and pretty carefree. She kept prime grades, and was the epitome of what every daddy wanted their daughter to be. In that respect, it made me glad I wasn't. She was often boring and really very dense.

Natalie and Zane had had a bit more luck in the friend category. Zane had joined the basketball club and was now friends with all the guys there, including ones I still didn't know. When he would throw their names out, I would simply nod and allow him to continue. Apparently, he'd become quite close friends with a boy named Lysander. I vaguely remembered seeing him around the school, though I paid him no mind at all, since he never spoke, and, honestly, couldn't seem less interesting next to the people I was used to.

Natalie mostly hung out with Nathaniel, which I found incredibly weird, but also quite amusing. He'd seemed boring and stuck up to me, not normally the kind of people she would consider being around. She appeared to like him, though, since they spent most lunches together in the library. Other than that, she got along with everyone. She was only too eager to start up a conversation with anyone that would talk. There was something peculiar, though, as well…

Armin had briefly mentioned some guy named Castiel at lunch one day. From what I'd gathered, he was the kind of boy my dad wouldn't want m hanging around—the kind that skips school, smokes, and doesn't give a crap about other people. The weird part was that every time someone brought up his name, Natalie got this gleam in her eyes and listened to whatever the person had to say as if her life depended on it. It was so bizarre, but I wouldn't say a word to her about it.

The only thing that had made the first month bearable was that Alexy and Armin were always at my house. They helped me with my work, and to keep the place clean. Or, at least Alexy did. Armin was, more often than not downstairs, trying to beat my high score on DDR, and failing miserably. At the same time, it was the most hilarious thing in the world. He was progressively getting better, if slowly, and occasionally, Alexy and I would sneak down to find him glaring at the screen, a crease between his eyebrows and muttering under his breath. It was all I could do to suppress the fit of giggles that rose up every time I saw that.

It was very lucky indeed that my dad had taken a liking to the both of them, especially Armin, which shocked me. Every time I brought either of them up, he would ask how Armin was, or what Armin was doing this weekend, or when the next time Armin was coming over was. I was almost worried or scared by his reactions. They just didn't make any sense, and only made my head hurt when I tried to decipher them.

All of these things were running through my mind during a Friday last period—History. I tapped the end of my pen against my chin as I paused in my drawing for a moment.

I'd always been interested in art, and was experienced in several mediums (other than singing, which, along with dancing and acting, I also considered an art) including watercolor, acrylics, pastels… You name it, I'd used it at some point of other. I also wrote frequently, and had finished several novels that I buried in my closet afterwards to be forgotten.

The current piece was only half finished, and I intended it to be the cover page for my latest tale, entitled _A Heart of My Own_. Lines of various length and thickness stretched across the page to create a detailed mountain-scape scene. A timber wolf stood on the rocks, head turned to the moon above, and to the outline of an eagle that flew there. I planned to watercolor it later, after finishing the line-work first.

The hair on the back of my neck pricked, and I shivered slightly. Slowly raising my eyes to look through my lashes, I glanced around the room quickly from the back corner. Most people were chatting with their friends about weekend plans. No one was paying any mind to me at all. So, why did I feel so uneasy?

I suddenly froze, inhaling sharply through my nose. Maybe because he sat on the opposite side of the room, behind everyone so ordinarily that I couldn't see him easily, and therefore paid him no mind, or maybe because I simply didn't care about anyone I wasn't acquainted with, I hadn't thought to look at him.

_His name's Lysander, right? Zane's friend?_ I frowned slightly as I realized he wasn't even looking at me. I was probably just paranoid. _No one around here would have any reason to stare at me._ _Would they?_

Even so, I found myself studying him. Immediately, I wanted to grin like a fool. I had to find out who made his clothes—because I really wanted to get to know whoever it was that did. Maybe he did—in that case, I'd have to ask. The style was Victorian Era, but it was the execution was what really mad the whole look. He stitching was flawless, the design perfect, right down to the cuffs of his white sleeves. I drank in every detail eagerly, almost as giddy as a fangirl getting to meet her boy band idol and being able to touch him.

Then I felt guilty. I'd paid more attention to his clothing than I had to him, but still had to force my eyes to lift. His hair was a smooth, soft shade of silver that fell around his face. The very tips of the strands were dyed black. I couldn't see his eyes, as they were focused on a notebook in front of him, where he was scribbling furiously. A small dent formed between his eyebrows as he paused briefly, before slashing through what he'd only just written.

I had to blink and shake my head slightly. What was I doing? Staring at random people… Someone was going to catch me and call me insane. But still… I stole one more glance in his direction before giving a soft sigh and turning back to my drawing.

Right about that time was when the bell rang, and I wasn't sure whether to be grateful or not. I gathered my things, debating whether or not to go talk to him, but when I looked up, he was already gone. Sighing, I headed off to my car.

_What a bummer… I'd really hoped I could talk to him… _A light tap on my shoulder made me jump, smacking my knuckles on the door handle of my jeep. _Ow…_

"Hey." The deep voice behind me could only belong to Zane.

"Hey," I answered brightly, the ache in my hand ebbing.

"Did I startle you?"

"I'm okay." I laughed, shaking it off.

"Cool. We're still on for tonight, right?"

I beamed at him. With all the stress, it would be nice to get back to our normal weekend plans. Hardly able to contain my excitement, my voice came out as a giggle. "Of course! There's no way I would give that up now we have time again!"

"I invited a few friends… That okay? I figured they might like to watch us go at each other."

"The more the merrier! Maybe they can have a go at you afterwards."

His eyes gleamed amusement. "Yeah, right. With you around, they wouldn't dare."

My house was huge, to say the least. My parents had bought it soon after they'd gotten married, picking a place with a lot of acreage to raise a family. Even after Mom had passed, my dad couldn't see giving it up; the three of us kids had grown up here, and even if he _had_ wanted to, we would've found a way to keep him from selling it.

The house in in itself was quite grand, built in the early 1900's as a plantation style home from Georgia here in New Jersey. The Grand Staircase was immediately in front of you as you entered the front door, to lead upstairs to the five bedrooms and two bathrooms, with balconies on both wings. The downstairs consisted of the old dining room, redone as the family room, the kitchen with an island in the center, and a large open room—probably used as a ballroom at one point—that we now used for out band practices, both the actual music and out dance routines (there was a long mirror that stretched along the far wall) and small parties.

Out back was an expansive wooded area. My dad used to take me out there when I was a little kid, and it was a second home to me. Around two years ago, I'd stumbled upon a small lake with a waterfall when I'd been exploring, and it had become my own private getaway whenever I was stressed out or upset. As far as I knew, no one else had any idea it existed.

Climbing up into the low branches of a maple at the edge of the woodine, I settled down to wait for everyone to show. A warm breeze whisked the leaves, shaking them gently and brushing my hair from my forehead. I closed my eyes, inhaling slowly. It was one of the last of its kind, for the year, I was sure. This was my favorite time of year, just the same, when summer was making its slow transition to autumn, the leaves morphing into little colored specks on the trees and the hot humidity of the middle season giving way to the cool, crispness of the fall.

In that thought, I found the words spill from my heart, needing only a pen but to pour themselves to a page… Reaching inside my jacket, I grasped the leather-bound notebook that had been my mothers and turned to a new page.

Whatever unknown force that had prevented me from giving life to Feathers in Wind, the Native American girl I'd created in my latest novel. Her tribe had been attacked, weakened by disease, and for seventeen years, her father hid her away for her own protection.

_My heart in itself is as the changing leaves, bright one day and dark the next, ever changing with the storylines of a life which means nothing and everything in the same instant. I know not what I was, or what I could have been, only what I have become from those years without the contact of others that knew my name. _

_Many seasons—I know not how many—passed before I knew the outside world existed. Or rather, before I had come to learn that the small world I knew, limited to my father Wing of Crow and the man with herbs that often visited me, who had never given me his name, was not all that existed._

_My escape had been quick, very easy. I doubted that anyone assumed I was capable of such a feat. After all, as far as they knew, I had only ever seen the inside of my hut, with its small fire in the center and pelts on the walls. _

_But they were wrong. For two long years prior, a secret friend had snuck me out every night. Through the woods, where the songs of the birds that flitted to and fro bounced from the leaves, to the waterfalls that made the rocks below smooth like the silky fibers woven by spiders for their webs, to the sandy beaches I had come to love, with the grains rising between my toes and slipping through my fingers. As with the herb-man, I did not know his name. He always came in the dead of night when my guards slipped on their duties, to take me on wild adventures that he said were the lives of normal people. He seemed to use that word a lot. Normal. _

_Two moons ago, he'd told me he wasn't coming back again, that his tribe was leaving the area. And that his only wish was for me to escape this horrible prison that was my life. And my only answer was the promise that I would do everything in my power to do so, or give my life for that which was my deepest desire._

_And now I'd done it. I was gone, with no intention of ever going back, of ever seeing my father, the herb-man, or the inside of that infernal hut again. My feet barely touched the forest floor as the trees flew by me. I had no destination, but for reasons unknown to me, I was drawn to a particular area not far from one of the waterfalls I had visited. _

_Slowing to a stop, I took a deep breath. As I had fled by night, the surface of the still pool reflected the moonlight. As I let the coolness of the grass brush over my feet, crickets hummed in the night, their soft songs one with the darkness._

_For the first time in my life, I yearned for more company. I was lonely, in need of a friend. Or more than a friend…_

_As if my thoughts had summoned it, I could feel slow, warm breathing against my shoulder. The voice in my ear was soft and deep, sending a shiver up my spine. "Who are you?"_

I had only briefly paused to look over the paragraphs above when a voice in my word called up to me from below. "Jackie! I thought we had plans?"

Zane's face stared up at me.

"Ah, yeah. I'm coming!"

Quickly shoving the notebook back in my jacket, I jumped down to him.

"There's gotta be thirty people there waiting."

I blinked in surprise. "Wow. We've never had that many show up before." A small frown crossed my lips. "Who from school is here?"

"Well… Natalie invited Nathaniel… And I asked a few guys in the club if they wanted to come… And… Lysander, as well, and his brother if Leigh could get off work."

My heart skipped a beat. Lysander was here? I barely heard the rest of what Zane said—something about Castiel. Maybe I'd get the chance to talk to—I shook my head quickly. Woa, I needed to get my head straight. I didn't even know this guy, and it wasn't like me to freak out so easily.

"Er, yeah. We should probably go, then, huh? Shouldn't keep 'em waiting."

"Right." I thought I saw his eyebrows furrow slightly from the corner of my eye, but when I turned to look, he was perfectly blank, as usual. "Ready to get your butt kicked?" The next words from him were a taunt.

"Ready to eat those words? And maybe some dirt too?"

Dark eyes met mine, gleaming with the challenge. "Always, girl."

I skipped off to a more open part of the yard where a crowd impatiently waited, talking amongst themselves.

"That poor chick doesn't have a chance. I've seen Zane when he gets in the zone—he's a bulldozer. She's a little twig compared to him."

"I wouldn't bet on it. From what I've seen, she's not a good one to mess with. She looks all nice and pretty, but she's got one hell of a bite."

"Guess we'll see."

_Zane, don't lose too quickly. It won't be any fun that way. But then, none of these people really know what we can do. They're going to be—_

Suddenly, there was a sickening pain in the small of my back that had me falling forward. If I hadn't trained myself to stand it, I'd have been on the ground. Instead, I flipped off my hand, landing back on my feet to face the boy of my thoughts.

"As I remember, you told me that anything is fair," he sneered.

Through my teeth, I replied, "That I did. I won't go back on it. Just don't expect me to hold anything back."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

He lunged at me again, fist outstretched. Sadly for him, I saw it coming. The sad thing about Zane: he was always too forward. I spun out of the way, listening as the crowd let out a collective gasp at what I knew had to be almost a perfect pirouette. Forget ballet, that was fabulous for fighting as well. Unlike my opponent, I could fight with flare, bringing my foot straight up into his gut as I spun. He hacked loudly, faltering in his step before whirling back to grab my foot and throw me up the hill. I landed awkwardly on my knee, but not enough to really hurt.

_I'm faster than him! I can use that!_ Dashing back down, I watched as he braced for the impact he assumed was coming. Instead, I darted by him, giggling. "What's wrong? Can't keep up, Zaney?"

The same scenario replayed again and again, him missing me each time as I spun, ducked, and flung myself past his blows, and throwing my own in, at his sides, face, back, and legs as I passed.

"You fight dirty!" he snarled.

Once again I laughed as I slipped under his outstretched arms. "It's all fair, dudes! You said it!"

All at once, I saw my opening. He was getting tired, letting his guard down. I lunged in at his back, tackling him to the ground and wrapping my hands around his neck as I pinned him down. He struggled for a moment before giving a soft groan and conceding defeat. Chuckling, I moved my hands to stroke his hair and leaned down to peck his cheek. He was like a brother to me, and I really did care about him. I didn't like hurting him, but agreed to this because I knew he could take it if he said he could. "You'll never beat me," I murmured. "Why do you insist on letting me hurt you? I wouldn't if I wasn't defending myself."

I stood, helping him to his feet gently. He'd have a few bruises, but both of us had become pretty tough from doing this so regularly.

The silence from the crowd was broken as a roaring cheer rose up. I smiled. "They're cheering for you, too, you know."

He muttered a response, his head somewhat drooping, but a small smile playing at his lips. "Guess you're right. I just can't win… How's your back?"

"It's fine. How's your… Everything?"

He gave a few soft chuckles. "I'll be okay."

Natalie bounded up, grinning stupidly. "Well, once again…"

And the two of us girls led a verse of "Can't Stop the Fire" as was customary for the victor of our spars.

After the singing—some on tune, some drastically off—calmed, I cleared my throat. "Ah, actually… While there's a whole bunch of you here, I'd like to ask something. It's not really a favor, more like a suggestion. You see… _When Darkness Turns to Light_ is giving bands all around the country a shot at a special prize."

Natalie nodded, inclining her chin. "On Halloween—two weeks from now—at the he party our manager is hosting, six bands will compete to perform a duet with us. But, it's not just promotion for _our_ band. The winner will also get the chance for a recording contract with StarburstRecords."

'It's definitely the chance of a lifetime," Zane added. "You see, we'd like to give all those bands that haven't had the luck we had a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"So, if you know any bands, or are in one, that might be interested, come talk to us. Of course, we have to approve first. We only have one spot left open, so if more than one group signs up, it'll be more difficult."

Everyone was quiet again, as if processing our words.

"Well, damn. I guess Guitar Hero doesn't count," a voice called from close to the house.

I broke out in a grin. "No, Armin. It doesn't."

"Bummer…" he said, pushing through to us.

"You and Alexy staying for Chinese night?" Natalie asked.

"We'd love to!" his twin called.

"Did Nathaniel ever show up, Natalie?" I asked.

Her face fell. "No.."

I didn't press her, and instead led them inside.

Since we were normally up late on Friday nights, Zane and Natalie usually brought duffel bags to spend the night. Natalie and I could never help but to stare at Zane in the muscle shirts and flannel pants he wore to bed. Some part of me suspected he did what he did on purpose, knowing what reactions he'd get from us. Personally, the two of us weren't looking to impress anyone, mostly hanging out in shorts and spaghetti strap tops.

Within ten minutes, we'd created our own little restaurant in the kitchen. As always, we had the radio blaring, and for one day a week, we didn't have to be professional about anything. We sang along, making goofy faces and dancing around the kitchen like a bunch of normal teenagers. Armin and Alexy stood in the background, almost nervously for a while. It didn't take much coaxing to get the blue-haired twin to join us, but no matter how hard we tried, Armin wouldn't budge.

In the midst of all of this, Zane left to get the doorbell, but was quickly forgotten in our fun as Natalie and I began a stupid number around the kitchen to Thrift Shop by Macelmore, shaking our shoulders and dancing together, whirling round and round and having the time of our lives.

"_I'll wear your grandad's clothes. I look incredible. I'm in this big ass coat from the thrift shop down the road._" I bowed to her, and she curtsied to me, before grabbing my hands and spinning us in circles.

"What're you _doing_?" The voice was not one of us, and immediately we froze, snapping out heads to the doorway. A red-head stood there behind Zane, arms crossed. I immediately recognized Castiel.

"Ever heard of fun? Maybe you should try it sometime," Natalie suggested. "What do you want?"

"We're here about that offer."

"_We?_" Both of our eyes shifted to behind him, and I inhaled sharply though my nose. _Lysander._

"I thought I mentioned to you that they were a band." Armin's voice was matter-of-fact, obviously not happy about the presence of the other men.

"We're kind of in the middle of making dinner," I blurted out. "You can stay if you like, and we'll talk after."

Zane shot me a look, raising his eyebrows but remaining silent.

Oh, lord, what had I gotten myself into?

"Are you sure?" A shiver ran up my spine as I heard Lysander speak for the first time. Hi voice was soft and smooth like silk.

"Y-yeah." I waved my hand. "I don't mind. After all, It's business, right?" I turned back to the wok, but Natalie was already there.

She turned her head and mouthed, "What's with you?"

I gave an almost imperceptible shake of my head. No, now was not the time for whatever stupid freak-out was messing with my head.

"You're going to feed us?" This time the voice was Castiel's, and I had to crack a smile.

"Why not? I've practically got a zoo living here anyway. What's two more people?"

I went to sit on the porch as everyone else finished their food, opening my notebook again.

_What is this madness that clouds my thoughts_

_What is this stupor that dims my senses_

_Which makes me a slave to my emotions_

_A prisoner in my mind?_

_Could it be that you have cast some spell on me_

_That makes me weak _

_That makes me need what we could be _

_Do I make you feel this way _

_Or do you not know this feeling in your heart_

_Where you hide yourself from me?_

I had never known myself to write such pointless things, but indeed, the words came to the pen through my fingertips.

"Are you okay?" Zane asked behind me.

Was I? I couldn't honestly answer that. But, to ease his mind, I told him yes.

"They want to audition soon… You'd better come in."

Such was the beginning of a very long two weeks, for all of us

**Thorn: Well, the end of a very long chapter… I'm just about done with the introduction chapters, maybe one more. We will see… R&R people! Thanks for your support!**


	4. Be Somebody Pt 1

**Thorn: Oh my god, people! I'm so sorry that it's been so long since I updated—hectic life in the way, you know? It makes me sad, because writing is a big part of my life, and who I am. So not having time for it is depressing… But, without further ado, here's the chapter! (Title is _Be Somebody _by _3 Doors Down_. Not to be confused with _Use Somebody_ by _Kings of Leon_.)**

JPOV

"Jackie, we'll be late if you don't hurry!" Natalie bounced from foot to foot anxiously at my bedroom door. "They'll kill us if we miss anything! We may not be performing, but this is just as important, if not more!"

I gave a soft sigh of reluctant agreement. Originally, I'd been eager to go to this party my manager had set up, especially with the excitement of a competition among others bands lingering over the town—no, the whole country, as this would be broadcasted nationwide—but when Alan had admitted we wouldn't be able to do some performing of our own, my attitude took a downward turn. (It was at the same time he'd also given us the task of being at the venue an hour early to greet the bands and make sure everything went smoothly for the night's affairs.) As much as I was going to enjoy watching new bands try as hard as they could for a shot in the music industry like we had, it wouldn't be quite the same. What I did was all I lived for. It was more precious to me than the air I breathed, more necessary than the beating heart in my chest.

On the bright side, it was still Halloween, and this party wasn't solely for the sake of the bands.

My best friend eyed me doubtfully. "I don't see why it's taking you so long. It's not like your costume is extravagant."

She was right, but at the same time, I wanted it to be the best. I was going for a female Sherlock Holmes, and I thought I'd well achieved it. The cape and hat couldn't be changed much, since they were what directed the look. Underneath, though, was what made it feminine. The dress was about knee-length, but fitted, and the same color as the cape. A black belt was wrapped around my waist, and a small golden heart-shaped locket hung from my neck. My hair was pulled back in a messy braid so the hat fit nicely.

Finishing with the straps on my knee-high black boots, I stood and nodded to her.

"Well, Ms. Holmes, shall we be on our way, now? Our chauffeur is waiting for us."

"Yes, Lady of the Leaves, we shall." I stifled a giggle as her nose wrinkled slightly.

Her costume was _gorgeous_, though, if I did say so myself. The main bodice was a rather simple darkish brown dress that came to about halfway down her thigh. Over that, though, small vines of velvet-soft leaves were wound around her whole body, from the base of her neck to the tips of her light brown boots. Some leaves of the same type were woven into her hair. The sight was almost breathtaking; her skin had a golden glow, as if she was an Elven princess straight from the fairy tales of old, come to take me back with her to teach me the magics of the forest…

Shaking myself from my trance, I followed her downstairs. If I reacted that way to everyone's costumes, it was going to be a hell of a night. Calling a goodbye to my dad, we headed out to meet Zane at his truck. He nodded to us as we got to him.

"Both of you ready?"

I barely heard him speak, and my jaw dropped as I stared. I _was_ imagining this, wasn't I? Zane didn't dress like that, even if it was just a Halloween costume…

Okay, ordinarily, the Mad Hatter wouldn't have been the least bit attractive… But who was to argue, when there were gashes in the fabric all over, when his skin was decorated in black and blue bruises and bleeding slash marks over his arms and cheeks? The eyes that looked down at the two of us from under the also tattered hat were the brightest shade of green I'd ever seen in my life. As I watched, his mouth pulled into a wide smirk to reveal perfectly white teeth.

"I'm sorry Madame, if I shocked you. But if we don't hurry off, we'll absolutely be late. And those who are not punctual in the Red Queen's kingdom do not often meet good ends."

Oh my god, it was all I could do not to faint. Once again, he was perfectly aware of my gawking eyes. He'd done this on purpose. And what sane girl wouldn't have stared, with his figure? Tall and lean, but with wiry muscles beneath the ever-tan skin he somehow had all year round… He was obviously strong, not one to be messed with on first glance. But there was also softness to his frame that was inexplicable, but still tantalizingly attractive. No wonder the fangirls at our concerts couldn't help but drool to look at him.

I blinked, and the form turned back into my regular best friend. Woa, what was wrong with me? I wasn't _really_ attracted to _my best friend_, was I? No, impossible. It was just the costume. Admitting that someone looked sexy and wanting to be with them were absolutely two different things. … Weren't they? "Uh, yeah."

"Not often Ms. Holmes is caught unawares," he murmured to himself, chuckling, before climbing back in the driver's side.

Natalie elbowed me and winked, grinning as we followed suit on the Passenger side. If he was just the Zane I'd always known, why was my heart pounding almost painfully in my chest?

NPOV

_Gah! We might not be late, but people are already showing up!_ Several cars were already parked outside the entrance of our recording studio. Not many people—other than artists or other clients—had ever been inside, nor could I blame them for their excitement. But still, that meant our job could be harder than it needed to be.

I glanced to my left at Jackie as Zane pulled into a reserved spot. She was jittery, her knee bouncing as she kept her eyes fixed firmly at the windshield. It wasn't like her to be so nervous… Was she maybe still freaked out about her best friend's attire?

As soon as the thought came, it was gone. _What a stupid assumption. They've known each other forever! She might have been surprised, but she wouldn't freak out over little things like that. … Would she?_

I had no time to ponder the idea as she pulled me out of the seat and made a beeline for the side-entrance by the stage.

"You suppose any of the competing bands are here yet?"

"Dunno," I answered, pulling the door open and following her. "Maybe some of the cars outside were theirs."

As it turned out, those present weren't any of the bands. In fact, the place was as empty as a graveyard. A funny thought, considering it was Halloween.

Pausing, I took a moment to admire the décor. Screens had been put over the lights to dim them and give them some colors—orange, black, purple, blue… Fake cobwebs were draped in every doorway and across the ceiling; a smoke machine was set up by the stage, already humming and giving the whole scene a more eerie feeling.

The two of us drifted around for a few minutes, checking the lighting, amps, keyboard, guitars, the piano… Anything that might malfunction, essentially. God forbid that happen, or Alan would never let us hear the end of it.

"Jackie, Natalie!" The happy voice that found us first was none other than Alexy.

I looked up at him, immediately having a very hard time not bursting into a fit of uncontrolled giggles. _A giant bunny costume._ The blue-haired male grinned up at us from below the stage, one of the ears falling forward.

"What are you _wearing?_" Jackie beat me to the question, unable to force back her own hysterical laughter.

"I found it at the mall!" He beamed, obviously proud of himself.

"Well, now we have the Hatter and the White Rabbit," she managed, holding her gut.

"What?"

"Zane—hat—can't—" Unable to breath, she fell back against the keyboard bench, face red from her giggling.

"I'll bet you everything I've got that Nate's wearing a Cheshire Cat costume." Armin came inside, hauling another amp. "Got asked to bring this one from the school…"

He was dressed as Link from the Legend of Zelda games, right down to the Master Sword on his back and the Goron Gauntlets on his wrists. "At least _you_ look okay," I told him, earning a grateful smile before he turned back to his work. "Breathe, Jackie, breathe," I added to her, blowing a bit of hair from my face. Geez, what a night this was going to be. If anyone else looked like this, I was worried Jackie wouldn't live through it all.

"Are we in the right place…?" I turned my head to find a couple of guys coming through the side-stage entrance.

"Fox, Jase!" I grinned widely. I hadn't admitted it to anyone, but the two California boys were by far my favorite pick for the competition.

On our last tour, they'd stumbled to the front of the stage after the concert in their hometown. Maybe it was how downright terrified they'd seemed as the two had all but begged for a chance to be the next band at StarburstRecords, but we were extremely reluctant to let them audition.

Jase was fourteen, maybe fifteen, shorter than most guys his age, and a bit… Awkward. He often stumbled over his words—especially around us girls, I'd noticed—and was terrified by just about everything. Except right after he performed. The whole thing seemed to have given him a confidence boost, and though he appeared nervous, there was no hesitation in his body as he climbed the stairs to the stage. That wasn't to say he wasn't attractive, because that wasn't true. Dark hair that normally swept around his shoulders, but that was now pulled back in a low ponytail, deep blue eyes… Just to look at his face was to admire it, but there was also something off in what one saw, like something was missing or slightly twisted.

His sandy-blonde band mate followed behind him with much more comfortable strides. If Jase was Yin, Fox was Yang. Eighteen, tall, lean, extremely confident. The time when the two of them had pleaded with us was the only time I'd ever seen him afraid or nervous about anything. It just wasn't his way of being. A calmness, a sereneness followed him wherever he went; the vibe he gave off bordered on godliness.

"Look at you… To what do we owe the honor?" Fox bowed smoothly in front of me, a smile playing at his lips. I giggled before I could suppress it.

"You're in the right place, obviously! It's great to see you guys!" Jase cocked an eyebrow at my enthusiasm, and it sent me back pedaling. "Er, I just meant that it's so exciting to see you guys competing for your dream. Young spirits like that get me so pumped up!"

"Funny you say 'young spirits.' I'm a year older than you," Fox pointed out, straightening again.

"I meant new to the industry. People with no experience under a label. Somehow I don't think you'll have any trouble finding someone to take you, though, if you were to lose this. You guys are amazing," I admitted.

"A bit biased, aren't we?" The snide voice could only have belonged to Castiel. I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"No, all the bands competing are. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. And besides, none of us, or the guests that we invited, will be able to vote for the best band. That would be extremely unfair, since we know quite a bit about all of you. In any case, you're so scary that if anyone who voted knew you personally, none of the other bands would stand a chance." I flashed him a crooked grin.

Jase studied my red-haired friend for a long moment. "She's not wrong. You're certainly intimidating." The waver in his voice was almost unnoticeable.

"Don't worry about Castiel too much. He just _looks_ like an asshole… Well, wait a minute…" Jackie giggled.

"Hey!" he huffed, making me laugh.

"He's not so bad, once you get to know him," I offered.

"In any case, it doesn't matter. We'll win, no matter who we have to go through," Fox added confidently. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Madame." He kissed my hand before they headed backstage.

"I think he likes you, Natalie." Jackie elbowed me playfully. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Castiel frown slightly. Wait, what? No, I had to have imagined it. How stupid would that have been?

"Wh-what? N-no! Besides, I like…"

"I know." Lowering her voice so no one else could hear, she added, "He'll be here."

_I hope so._ Two months was plenty long enough for me to realize my feelings for the cutest boy I'd ever met. I swallowed back my nervousness. Sure, I could get up on stage in front of hundreds of people… But the thought of asking a boy how he really felt about me made my stomach tie itself in knots and sent my head reeling. I had everything planned out in my mind. Someone was bound to perform a song slow enough to dance to. I'd get him to dance with me, and then tell him how I felt. After that, pray to God he returned my feelings.

Since the first day at school, I'd never thought about any of the other guys I'd met the way I thought about him. Though many people would argue that his flaws outweighed his talents and good points, in my mind, he was one of the best people I'd ever met.

"It's too bad the performers had to be in normal clothing, isn't it? I would've like to see some of them in costumes… Hey, Cas! Where's Lysander, anyway?" Jackie called.

"Leigh was gonna give him a ride after they picked up Rosalya. Why?"

Ms. Holmes shrugged. "You're usually together, that's all."

Soon after, the studio began to fill up as the guests arrived.

"Hey, guys!" Iris bounded over to the small group we'd formed by the stage, followed by Kim as a pirate, Violette as a puppy, Melody as a gray cat, and—

"What're you doing here?" I narrowed my eyes at Amber and her gang.

"Come, now, sweetheart. The invitation you left was open to the people at school, right? So we just thought we'd take you up on it." She gave me a large but obviously fake smile.

"It was open to our _friends_. Which you are not."

"Ouch, that hurt right in the feelies." Pulling a hand to her chest, she stared at me, feigning hurt.

"In the black hole you'd call a heart? I seriously doubt that," Jackie cut in. "Your costume is nice, though it suits you."

I snickered. She wasn't wrong—a devil girl was all too appropriate for the demon of the school.

"Thank you, darling. You're sweet."

Jackie sorted, shaking her head.

"If we had time to deal with you, I'd kick you out myself." I glared at them.

"Are these girls causing you any trouble?" I turned my head to see Fox and Jase approaching us. "We can take care of it if they are."

"Heh… They haven't done anything _yet._ We'll see."

The smile the blonde gave me was dazzling. "If you say so, Madame."

"Woa, who're you?" Amber asked.

"This is Fox and Jase. They're one of the band competing." I found myself grinning at her proudly.

"Nice to meet you," she said sweetly.

Jase snorted laughter. "Oh, you're one of _those_ girls."

Looking offended, the clique stormed off to the other side of the studio.

"You'll have to forgive us," Melody said. "They wouldn't listen to us when we told them you wouldn't be happy to see them."

Returning my attention to my friends, I answered, "Oh, it's not your fault. They're just stubborn bitches that won't hear the word 'no.' We'll live." I paused. "I think most of the competitors are here… But I still haven't seen Lysander. Did Leigh get held up or something? The party is gonna start soon…" I didn't add that I had yet to see the one person I was looking for.

"We're here!" Rosa flew over to us. "Leigh was late, as usual! Lys headed backstage already to meet with Castiel. I think I saw Nathaniel in the parking lot." She shot me a glance out of the corner of her eye as she spoke. Damn, I wish she didn't know me so well. "You won't _believe _what he's wearing."

"Cheshire Cat costume?" Jackie and I said at the same time.

The white-haired girl frowned. "Are you guys psychic or something?"

We shook our heads, stifling laughter.

"Hey, hey!" The room went quiet as Alan spoke into the mic onstage. "Welcome to the StarburstRecords Halloween Party and competition!"

The crowd's cheering was deafening as all the bands came out to stand behind him. Fox and Jase held their chins high, Castiel stood with his arms crossed, and Lysander looked so relaxed it wasn't funny. The rest of the group looked anxious or scared, even.

"The bands know the rules, but you don't!" He smiled at one of the side-stage cameras. "The first round won't even be performances. The six bands you see before you will be judged solely on their personalities, and two will be eliminated before they get to sing!"

Murmurs went around the swarm below the stage. This was news to me—I'd assumed everyone would be judged solely on their voices and musical talent.

"The second round will be the real deal, between the four remaining competitors. No songs will be their own work, for the sake of equality among the performers, since their songwriting abilities vary. Then, two of them will be eliminated again, by you, guests! The final showdown will consist of a single song from each of the remaining bands. And then what?"

"_Vote!_" the audience roared.

"That's right! Now, who's up for some interviews?"

_What a train wreck… _A collective sigh rose from the crow as the fourth band left the stage.

If god had only known how badly that would turn out, maybe he wouldn't have subjected us to that. It was like none of the bands had never been asked their names before—they all seemed to stutter over their words and squirm around in their chairs. One girl had tripped over a microphone cord and fell on her face; another guy's answer to every question was, 'Yeah, but my mom always said not to let people push me around' even if it wasn't viable.

I was very interested, though, to see how Fox and Jase did, with Jase always being so nervous. Secretly, I hoped it would help that the interviewer was a guy, and prayed he wouldn't get so nervous as to screw up everything they'd worked for thus far.

I almost didn't recognize the dark-haired male I saw following Fox as they moved to center-stage. He was so bright and happy, a magnificent grin plastered to his face as he looked to the crowd. Stifling a giggle, I focused on them. Maybe I should've known that he wasn't going to look nervous, not when he was in his element, and inwardly scolded myself for not believing in them more.

"Well, hello, boys! Your names?"

"Fox O'Dell." Though he was also smiling and relaxed, Fox appeared somewhat bored, shifting so his knees were crossed and his arms were folded over his chest.

"Jason Macintosh. You can call me Jase, though." The second was leaning forward eagerly, eyes shining.

The interviewer—Levi, he said his name was—stroked his chin, obviously affected by the bright air around the fifteen year old that hadn't existed around the others. "It says here you're from California. Shouldn't you be like, really tan?"

The audience laughed as the two onstage did. "You know," Jase said, "we get asked that a lot. Truth is, I can't ever really get tan. I could sit outside in broad sunlight for a week, and I'd just get burnt to a crisp. Fox, on the other hand, hates the outdoors." He grinned, elbowing the blonde beside him, who answered with a roll of his eyes.

"I do not. I just have a healthy respect to not look like an overdone cookie."

Once again, laughter filled the studio.

"That's very good! Why don't you tell the viewers a bit about yourselves?"

"What's there to tell?" Fox asked with a shrug. "I'm eighteen years old, just graduated high school. I'm out of the house and living on my own in a small town in southern California. At one point, I' hoped to be a diesel mechanic, but this past year in high school, this little twit started a band with a couple of his friends. He drew my interest and got me to join." Another shrug. "But when we wanted bigger and better thing, they couldn't take the pressure. Sad, but true. But the two of us wanted this bad enough to give it a shot, even if the idea was a bit crazy. So here we are now. That's all there is to it."

Jase snorted. "Maybe from your point of view. You're such a bland storyteller, Fox. That was possibly more boring than my biology class talking about the meaning behind a grain of sand in a snail shell."

"Watch your mouth, kiddo." The friendly warning was accompanied by a shove.

Watching the two of them, so comfortable with speaking and just being themselves was refreshing in itself. Yes, these two would go far in their musical careers. They were a thousand times more comfortable for their first time in front of the cameras than Jackie, Zane and I had been the fiftieth time we had been, and in new artists, that was a _huge_ plus for marketing the artists and for television and radio promotion.

"Well, then how would _you_ tell it, oh Wise One?" Fox sneered.

"Hmpf. Certainly better than you did." The younger boy straightened, sticking out his chest.

"Yeah? Prove it."

"Maybe I will!" Looking around at the guests below stage, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"Unlike what Smart-Ass over there seems to think, it really isn't that simple. I'm only fifteen years old, but I'm sure my path to where we've come today. My dad's a big-time producer in Hollywood, so he was never home when I was younger. I never knew my mom and, frankly, I don't care. I was practically raised by my nanny… I know that sounds like I had a good life to all of you… But it really wasn't. You'd think my dad would have been rich… But that wasn't the case. After my mom left him, he became an alcoholic." His nose wrinkled and he swallowed, like the words left a bitter taste on his tongue. "I never lived in a big house. I never went to a fancy school. The only reason I even had a nanny was because it was out of necessity.

"My elementary and middle school years were okay, but not fantastic. I guess not having my dad around kinda made it bittersweet. I never had too many friends 'cause I was so shy." Pausing, he laughed. "Funny now, I suppose. But trust me, I'm not really as confident as I appear." As if to prove it, he flashed a sheepish smile at some of the girls in the front by the stage, making me roll my eyes.

_Yeah, sure, ya flirt._

"My eighth grade year, I got really interested in music. I've known how to play the guitar since I was seven, but never thought anything would come of it. It was just a hobby, after all. One of my really good friends said something to me one time when we were hanging out—oh, something to the effect of 'There's this girl, and she really likes guys that play the guitar. And she likes them even more if they can sing.' I just shook my head at him, since he was always trying to get me with any girl that he thought would suit me.

"For whatever reason, though, that got me thinking. A couple of my other good buddies—Travis and Sean, the two that were originally in the band with us—played in their basement and seemed to have a lot of fun with it. I went to talk tot hem about it, and we came up with this whole big fantasy." Once again, he paused to laugh. "We were going to be big stars like Adam Levine or Rob Thomas, so that everyone would get to hear our music and we could be happy doing what we loved. The only problem was, even with the three of us, there was something missing. We just started looking around the school and _bam_, this weirdo shows up begging to join."

"Begging is a bit much, don't you think? I heard that you were looking for another member and was willing to fill the spot."

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, so we started playing around our hometown at parties and stuff, got pretty popular, and even started playing in counties over southern California. It was great! A dream come true."

"So, how did you hear about this competition?" Levi inquired.

"Oh, yeah." All of a sudden, Fox interjected. "Well, that was kind of on me. Being a new band ourselves… I'd searched for people like us—new to the industry but with a label…"

"And you found _When Darkness Turns To Light._" Levi nodded. "Continue."

"Well, yeah…" Was I imagining it, or was he blushing slightly? I blinked and his face was smooth again. Huh… "I picked up their first CD and immediately fell in love," he admitted. "I showed them to Jase, and he did too. When we heard there would be a concert in our town… We were ecstatic."

"That time, he _did_ beg me to go with him," Jase snickered. "He kinda has a thing for Natalie, actually."

_Aw, shit._ My face reddened as I felt the eyes of the crowd on my back. Jackie giggled beside me.

"I guess you could say that," Fox mumbled.

"We wanted to be like them. It was really the fact that they were all so young that caught our attention. If they could do it, why couldn't we? So we went to the concert… And that was when they announced the band competition. It pretty obvious what happened after that. When we went to ask to compete, Travis and Sean bailed, and then and there we decided the two of us weren't going to give up that easy."

"That's certainly something," Levi finally answered.

The rest of their interview was just small talk, like where they hoped to be, what music they liked, what kind of girls they liked… The whole time, Fox kept his eyes off the crowd.

"Well, that was an awfully long interview indeed! Let's have a round of applause for Badlands West!"

The roar that surged up around me was deafening. It seemed like they were already in love with the guys, and I smiled to myself.

**Thorn: Kind of a long chapter, I guess. I will post this one with another, because originally they were the same chapter, but it was sooooo long… Reviews MUCH appreciated, people! **


	5. Be Somebody Pt 2

**Thorn: Here's part two! Again, so sorry for not posting more frequently… Life. Oi ve. It's under the same title as the last chapter… (Oh, though I'd put this little comment in there: Hey Amanda, Lysander actually talks in this chapter. I regard you so highly it's insane, and I'd appreciate any tips on improving my character representation, or both him and Castiel. Anyone else is welcome to suggest as well!) **

NPOV

Several minutes passed before the noise had died down, and Castiel and Lysander were already onstage. I felt Jackie lean forward slightly, and frowned subconsciously. Maybe it was a little weird that she was so into this, but whatever, I guess.

"To most of the people here in studio, I'm sure neither of you need an introduction, but for all of America, say hi to the cameras!"

The silver-haired male smiled pleasantly while the redhead only gave a half glance to the broadcasters.

A squeal came from the back of the crowd, and I had to grit my teeth at the harsh sound in my ears. Turning my head, I caught sight of a young blonde girl with pink streaks in her hair, dressed very much like—

"Hi Lysander!" she squealed, waving both her hands frantically.

"Hah," Levi laughed. "And who might that be?"

"A fangirl, I suppose…" was the very offhand answer.

"I suppose that's your introduction. And your friend?"

"Castiel." I found myself mentally facepalming. _You couldn't put up a little more of an effort when this is so important?_

"Ah… You boys go to school here in town at Sweet Amoris, right?"

"Yeah."

A few more questions followed, all with the same kind of one-word response. Levi seemed hesitant to ask anything else directly to Castiel, especially after asking about his hair and getting a snappy answer as the reply. I was laughing inwardly—it was just Castiel being Castiel. But of course, I'm sure everyone else had different ideas. Not that I disagreed that he used what Jackie had come to call 'Redhead Humor' at, ah, improper times; more like I'd grown so accustomed to it that it simply didn't affect me anymore.

"If you don't mind me saying, Lysander, your style of dressing is a bit… Different." I couldn't argue the interviewer there. His and his brother's styles didn't reflect any modernist ideas. For a brief moment, I saw Jackie in their place, her love of Native American patterns being a near equivalent to what I assumed the brothers' appreciation was.

"That's not a costume?" someone in the crowd called.

"No, it's not," he answered, nodding in the direction of the question.

"You always dress like that?" the same voice called. I wish I could've yelled at her to shut up without drawing attention to myself.

"The Victorian Era fascinates me. My brother Leigh owns a shop in town, and he makes all of our clothes." I had to hand it to him; he was a lot more patient than I would've been. It was all I could do not to scream at the girl, and I wasn't even the one being asked these questions.

"You know, there's something I've been meaning to ask, and I think a lot of people out there are wondering as well." Levi seemed eager to change the subject.

"Yes?" Lysander asked patiently, returning his attention to the interview.

"You two," he said, gesturing to them, "are complete opposites."

"Yes, I suppose we are. That's not really a question, though."

"How did the two of you get to be friends?"

"Haha. Well, this moron loses everything. I found his notebook, and it just kind of took off from there." I was surprised that Cas was even willing to answer.

"It's true. I have an exceedingly awful memory," his friend admitted.

In the end, the two bands that were eliminated even looked relieved to not have to stand up in front of the camera anymore.

"Alright, end of the first round! The second will be judged slightly differently—instead of voting specifically for a band, each person will rate the performers on three criteria on a scale from one to ten: musical talent, instrumental talent, and overall showing."

The first band didn't even show, since apparently their lead vocalist was having a serious breakdown in her car, and were automatically disqualified. _Sad, _I thought sourly. _All that work for nothing._

The second did The Fray song Over My Head; the overall performance was alright, but the lead had a hard time accenting words, and often grew breathless. _Somehow, that wasn't as good as when they auditioned. A pity; they should've improved._

The third was Jase and Fox. I couldn't remember for the life of me what song they did, only that I was absolutely absorbed in watching the two of them as they spun around stage, always smiling and obviously in their element. It was indeed amazing that the two nervous boys that had come to us two months ago had developed into such fantastic performers in such a short time.

I barely heard Lysander and Castiel's song as my mind lingered on the previous one, and only took note of how well Castiel carried himself and his guitar. That whole idea fell into place like the last piece of a huge puzzle—he was right where he was meant to be. The guitarist role was made for him….

Woa, geez! What's gotten into me? I'm hitting on every guy I see tonight… Damn, must be the atmosphere… I hope.

Maybe it was a good thing that we couldn't vote—I may not have had much to work off of.

I held my breath as Alan ready off the scores. "Rebel Rose: forfeit. Night Train: six musical talent, seven instrumental talent, six overall showing. Badlands West: nine musical talent, eight instrumental talent, nine overall performance. Tainted Pride: eight musical talent, nine instrumental talent, nine overall performance."

There was a moment of silence before the cheering consumed anything else he might have had to say.

"You know what that means don't you?" Jackie yelled at me. I grinned at her widely. Yes, I did. It meant that Lysander and Castiel and Fox and Jase were the finalists.

Giggling, I inclined my head to look at the stage once again where there the four boys stood.

_Give it all you've got, all of you._ At this point, it wasn't a matter of the better band, but the better overall performance. Since the last round had ended in a tie, one point was going to decide this, I was sure.

"We're going to take a break for about ten minutes or so, and then we'll back to watch these hopeful artists duke it out!"

As soon as the cameras cut, the entire group we'd created next to the stage swarmed around the finalists as they descended.

"You guys are amazing!" I didn't address anyone in particular, but Fox was the only one to acknowledge me, sending a sheepish smile my direction.

"Absolutely! And you two made me jealous," Jackie said, frowning in Jase and Fox's direction. "We didn't do that well for a long time after we started showing up on TV. The interview I mean."

"Yeah, obviously your thing," Zane agreed.

"Cas, you could've been a bit nicer and more cooperative," I teased, elbowing him.

"You've got a lot to learn if you think so, Little Girl." For a moment, I thought I caught a trace of an amused smirk on his lips, but it was gone before I could confirm it.

"I can't believe it's down to you four! How anyone's going to be able to choose is beyond me!" Iris was practically shaking with excitement.

Suddenly, the hair on the back of my neck pricked, and I turned my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Jackie do the same. My blood ran cold as two pairs of eyes stared back at me—one blue, one amber. I blinked, and the next moment they were gone. Had I imagined them?

Confused, I glanced to my friend. Her face was screwed up, and she was obviously as baffled as I was.

Levi's voice snapped me from my trance. "Welcome back! It's time for the grand finale of our band competition!"

I hadn't noticed Castiel and Lysander leave, but they were standing up on stage.

After the first two chords on the guitar, I recognized the song. Heart of Me by Green River Ordinance—slow enough that people would slow dance. Turning, butterflies in my gut, I searched for Nathaniel.

She breaks right through the heart of me  
The part of me that I can't explain

Where was he? Maybe he walked a ways off… That had to be it! Pushing through a few people, I turned my head this way and that, scanning the crowd.

_I can't find what she says, but I wanna try,  
Anyway I'm chasing her shadow, chasing her shadow  
Day and night, our troubles show  
Even though I don't know  
If this stream is all the thing  
What if she don't feel the same?  
I'm chasing her shadow, chasing her shadow  
Oh, I feel her, move like water  
Holding on, it only gets harder  
_

Not here, not there… Not by the snack table… Gah, the first chorus was about to start! Was he hiding? Maybe he didn't like slow dances…__

You know I need her, I can't take it any longer  
I'm without her but it's clear that she belongs here  
From the start I was in too deep  
This love is moving through the heart of me  
Oh, oh, oh moving through the heart of me  
Oh, oh, oh she's moving through the heart

I just sound like Saturday, leave me, dream me, heat the day  
Every time in a different way, in a different place  
Lived in her shadow, chasing her shadow, oh, oh  
Oh, I feel her, move like water  
Holding on, it only gets harder!  


This just couldn't be happening… Everything I'd planned was going down the toilet! Not by the main entrance, not anywhere in the main crowd… Not by the hallway to the bathrooms…

_You know I need her, I can't take it any longer  
I'm without her but it's clear that she belongs here  
From the start I was in too deep  
This love is moving through the heart of me  
Oh, oh, oh moving through the heart of me  
Oh, oh, oh she's moving through the heart  
_

Then, like an omen from above, I finally saw him. By the side-stage door! Why hadn't I checked there before? As I opened my mouth to call out to him, every muscle in my body froze. _He wasn't alone…_No, please, God, no… Not that.

The arms… of the blonde boy I had spent most of this song looking for… were around Melody.

_But wait,_ my mind whispered. _It's just a dance. You can always just ask later if he likes you. It's not like it's the end of the world, right?_ For a moment, I was able to reassure myself. Yes, I would just wait it out and ask after the party was over.

_You know I need you, I can't take it any longer  
I'm without you but it's clear that you belong here  
From the start I was in too deep  
This love is moving through the heart of me  
_

The beginning of the last chorus saw me watching enviously as the two swayed back and forth. What I would've given to be her…

_You know need ya, I can't take it any longer  
I'm without you but it's clear that you belong here  
From the start I was in too deep  
This love is moving through the heart of me  
Oh, oh, oh, oh  
Moving through the heart of me  
Oh, oh, oh  
She's moving through the heart of me, yeah_

As Lysander's smooth voice sang the last two lines, I watched in horror as Nathaniel bent his head to the brunnette's. I wanted to scream, to tell him to stop. Every fiber of my being shrieked at me to jump him, to break them up. But I couldn't even move.

_She breaks right through the part of me,  
The part of me that I can't explain_

My heart shattered into a billion tiny shards as I watched him kiss her and then pull away, smiling. It was as though the last chord of the song sent bullets through my chest, ripping apart my emotions and leaving me weak and vulnerable.

Spinning, I stumbled out the front door to slump against the brick wall, hugging myself and trying to push back the pain I was feeling.

How could he do this to me? I thought he was interested… We did a lot together, and I was always dropping hints that I like him… Why did it have to be like this?

Hot tears stung my cheeks as they trickled to my lips, where the salty taste hit the tip of my tongue. Sliding down to the pavement, hugged my knees and buried my face in them to cry my eyes out.

It was that way that Jackie found me, curled in a tight, broken ball.

"Natalie..."

"He kissed her. He kissed Melody," I whispered, unable to send any more than that from my raspy throat. My whole body ached, and I shivered as the cold air hit my wet cheeks when I looked up at her. Her form was blurry n o matter how many times I blinked.

"I know." She hugged me gently. "Come back in when you're ready, okay?"

I nodded gratefully. She got that I needed to be alone for something like this.

Leaning my head back against the wall, I loosened my grip on my legs.

The sky was clear tonight, every star visible, the moon glowing and sending its dim beams down over the town. The beautiful neon lights became clearer as my breathing slowed and my head began to defog.

What did I need him for anyway? The more I thought about it, the less appealing he became. Maybe it was because he'd been the first nice person I'd met at Sweet Amoris that I'd grown attached to him… I almost laughed at myself. He was so uptight all the time… Had an awful sense of humor and didn't approve of me smoking. More than once he'd taken a cigarette from me to stomp it out and tell me I needed to cut that habit.

It occurred to me that I would've entirely had to change who I was to be with him. _What a miserable relationship that would've been. I can't believe I even considered…_Shaking my head, I giggled at myself. I had to be the craziest girl in the world.

A rustling in the bushes across the parking lot startled me. But as quickly as it started, it was gone. _Just a rabbit or something…_The end of my thought was followed by a faint screech from the woods.

Minutes passed without any more noises, though time meant little to me then. It could have been a few or many…

Shuddering, I stood. Whatever poor animal had gotten hurt or killed couldn't be helped… But as I stepped back through the front doors, I couldn't keep from thinking that the sound hadn't been animalistic. _No, that's stupid. Nothing ever happens around here…_

Fox and Jase rushed over to me, worry evident on their faces.

"What's up, guys?" I asked, trying to sound cheerful, as I assumed they'd been concerned about me.

"Something's… Happened." Fox set his jaw, like he was trying to keep a straight face.

"Huh? With the competition?" I frowned. Had one of the microphones or amps broken?

"There…. Jackie… The police found…" Jase struggled to make a sentence, and exchanged a glance with his band mate.

"Jackie's brothers were found by the police about a half hour ago just outside town…" He dropped his gaze to the floor and swallowed before speaking. "One was declared dead on the scene. The other is now in the ER, and he could easily follow his twin."

**Thorn: And this ends the introduction chapters! This is only the beginning of the mysteries, though… I am going to enjoy writing this a lot! Sad, I know, about her brothers… I also know that this chapter is kind of short, but that's okay! Reviews much appreciated. I will update as soon as possible, and hopefully life will support me being able to write!**


	6. Commentary 1

**Thorn: So, this is actually just a bit of randomness that happened as I was talking to my brother about MCL… Yeah, strangeness! But it makes for good comedy =^^= So… This is kind of what ensued. And… I turned it into a kind of interview for your viewing pleasure, haha! So… **

**Scratch: I know I shouldn't even worry about this MCL crap, but… I just find it to be… interesting. I mean, I know it sounds weird for me to say it, but I think it's just nice to listen to….**

**Thorn: No, he's not gay! He's just simply very tolerant of my obsessions. =^^= So, without further ado… We will start our little interviews and conversing!**

**WARNING: EVERYTHING YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS COMPLETE AND UTTER NONSENSE. IT SIMPLY CAME TO BE OUT OF MY BORDEM, SO I DON'T WANT ANY INSULTS OR REVIEWS SAYING THIS IS IRRELEVANT. I ALREADY KNOW.**

** *trumpets* **

**Thorn: And, let's welcome our guests, since without them, none of this would even be possible… *gestures to side of stage* **

_**LightsCameraACTION!**_

**Thorn: Aaaaaaand, welcome to the show!**

**Castiel: …**

**Armin: … **

**Alexy: Hiiiiiii people! *waves frantically***

**Armin: *facepalm***

**Thorn: Well, nice to have you here.**

**Leigh: Nice to be in the presence of such a lovely lady. **

**Thorn: Yeah, okay. Anyway… *sweatdrop***

**Scratch: *clears throat* Let's get this interview started!**

**Thorn: Okay, first, Castiel. **

**Scratch: What do you want to talk to him about?**

**Thorn: I don't know, what do you want to talk to him about?**

**Scratch: I don't know, what do you—**

**Armin: Ahem…**

**Thorn: Oh, sorry! Haha… Why do you dye your hair that shade of red? That's not to say I'm complaining… just curious.**

**Scratch: Does it have something to do with a set of severe psychological problems?**

**Castiel: … … … … **

… … … … …

**Thorn and Scratch: … **_**My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems!**_

** *audience bursts out laughing***

**Thorn: I'd appreciate if, in your reviews, you can tell me what show that's from, haha! On to the next! More humiliation! Would you like to do the honors? **

**Scratch: Hm… Tough decision. How about… *strokes chin* Why is Alexy the only one that's gay? Do you ever feel uncomfortable with your sexuality?**

**Alexy: I don't know. Ask ChiNoMiKo why I'm the only one. And why would I be? That would be as bad as if I was lying about being gay! But, I must say… You're looking awfully nice today…**

**Scratch: I AM NOT GAY. **

**Thorn: Ah, well… Moving on! Armin, what's with your video game obsession? It's freakishly adorable, but is there a reason for it? Is it a way to hide the fact that you're seriously socially awkward?**

**Armin: I, uh—**

**Scratch: See, that proves it!**

**Thorn: Oi ve… Leigh! I do believe the answer is obvious… But why, if you make her clothes, are all of Rosalya's dresses so short? Have you no pride to conceal her from the rest of the world? *evil eye***

** *cricketcricket***

**Thorn: That's what I thought. Next! One more question from me for the moment, even though it's not really a question… WHAT THE FUCK, YOU CREEPY VAN-STALKER? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, DAKE? *clears throat and composes self* Back to the interviewing!**

**Scratch: Ken, what happened? Why were you so terrible before, and now…**

**Thorn: *drools***

**Scratch: There, see what I mean? And it's only been like three months. How does that happen?**

**Kentin: Military school, I guess. I don't know how else to explain it…**

**Thorn: Huh? *snaps out of trance* What? **

**Scratch: One more question. Why were you such a creepy stalker before?**

**Thorn: Aw, he wasn't that bad. He was just lonely. And boyishly cute.**

**Scratch: DUDE! DID YOU SEE THE DATE CG? FROM WHEN HE CAME BACK? CREEPY AS FUCK! … I got two for Nate, but they're kinda off the wall… First, why are you never there when everyone needs you there, but you show up when they least want to see you? Second, what's up with your crazy cat obsession?**

**Castiel: See! Someone else that gets it. Cats are beastly, ungrateful brutes…**

**Scratch: I didn't say that—I just asked because he's so obsessed with them! I just don't understand why he's got such a big obsession with them! it's not like I don't like them, because I do, it's just really creepy.**

**Castiel: Hmpf. Believe what you like, but Demon could tear any little—**

**Thorn: Well, a little out of hand! Back to the present! **

**Nathaniel: Cats are sweet and soft. They're good company to keep, and they're much smarter than dogs.**

**Castiel: *lip curls***

**Nathaniel: And… I guess I've got a lot to do, so I'm always busy.**

**Thorn: Doing **_**what?**_

_** ***_**silence***

**Lysander: … I do believe that I'm the only one left.**

**Thorn: Lysander, I love you! *fangirling***

**Scratch: *clears throat***

**Thorn: SHUT UP!**

**Scratch: **_**But…**_** Um, I have… One problem… In all the CGs I've seen… WHY DO YOU STARE AT CANDY'S BOOBS?**

**Audience fangirl: None of us really mind that much.**

**Fangirl crowd: WE LOVE YOU LYSANDER! COME BACK TO US!**

**Nina: Hiii, Lysander! Can I get your autograph? Again?**

**Scratch: SHUT UP! I'LL ASK HIM THE QUESTIONS! YOU JUST LISTEN! **

** *fangirls cry and cringe away***

**Lysander: Ah… Does it appear that way? My apologies… But that was not my intention, I assure you.**

**Thorn: Uh-huh. *leans on hand* Uh-huh. *blinks slowly* Say more words…**

**Scratch: Well, that concludes our show! Sorry about the epic randomness! Join us next time! **


	7. Let it Rain

**Thorn: The title is **_**Let It Rain**_** by David Nail. (The words aren't used in quite the same context as here, but that's alright because it serves the purpose.) Also, the song used in the chapter itself is **_**I Can Only Imagine **_**by **_**MercyMe**_**. Among the many things I am willing to do, writing a depressing song by myself is not one of them. **

JPOV

Every fiber of my being rejected the fact that my brother was… Gone. I wouldn't ever see him smile or laugh again. He wouldn't be there to make snarky comments when I couldn't figure out what to wear, or when I told him to take his feet off the kitchen table. The thoughts were unbearable.

War raged inside me as I stared at the blue light coming from the cell phone screen in my hand. The text message from my father was still loaded.

_Accident. Derek in hospital. Eric… We'll talk soon, baby girl. Get Zane to bring you up. The others can come if they want as well—you'll need all the support and comfort they can give you. Reality has a cold sense of humor._

The only thing that reality had given me was more pain—worse than what I'd felt when my mom had passed. It was a different pain from that, which had been an almost sweet one, to not have to see her suffering anymore. This was like being beaten with a spiked club over and over again, but never quite hard enough to kill me, just soft enough to let me live to suffer another blow. Everything I had known to be stable was now breaking into shards inside me, tearing whatever the agony of the loss had missed.

I was only vaguely aware of the world passing by me when the small Samsung was taken from my hands and a firm grip led me to what I assumed was the truck; then the streetlights and neon signs flying by in streaks, blurred by the tears that refused to fall.

My Eric. My poor Eric… Fifteen years old. He would never see the day to get his license, or go to prom with some girl he barely knew but asked because his best friend hooked him up. He'd never get to fall in love or get married and cry as he walked his baby girl down the aisle.

Memories flooded my mind, disgustingly bittersweet, of the twins and me when we were younger and my dad had just been deployed. Life had been hard then, and it had made me grow up and realize that I had two little kids depending on everything I could do for them.

"_Sissy, why did Dad have to leave and go away? He didn't go to the same place as Mommy, right?" _

Oh, how naïve and sweet the two of them had been at ten years old. It struck me how much they'd grown up in the past few years.

"_No, Eric, he didn't." I smiled down at him, trying to mask the bitterness I tasted in the words on my tongue. No, he wasn't leaving for the same place. But he was leaving, just the same. Leaving and putting his thirteen year old daughter in charge of two ten year-olds. _

"_Then it's okay, right? 'Cause that means he'll come back." The blue-eyed boy hugged my waist._

"_Yeah, kiddo." I had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat. How could I promise him that? I knew what could happen to Dad where he was going…_

"_We should go outside and play in the creek. You like it back there," he said, almost sounding like he was trying to comfort me._

"_Sure. Go get Derek and we can go." I couldn't let him think anything was wrong, or he might ask questions I wasn't willing to give the answers to. _

"_Okay!" His eyes lit up and he scampered off. _

That was the day he'd slipped and fallen to slice open his calf from knee to ankle, I recalled. I'd ended up having to carry him back in the house, Derek stumbling behind me in an attempt to keep up with my long strides. The cut hadn't been as deep as I'd thought, but the bleeding had been hard to stop over such a long wound. Eventually, after large amounts of gaws and ace bandages, Eric was stable enough to stand with a bit of help.

"_Wow, Sissy is great! So smart! She's got you all fixed up, see?" Derek grinned widely._

"_Yeah… Jackie is—"The reply was cut off by a yawn. I wasn't surprised, since he'd lost a lot of blood. _

"_Maybe it would be better for you to take a nap, kiddo," I told him gently._

_He stumbled over to me to give me a loose hug, laying his cheek on my stomach. "Thanks, Sissy…"_

"_Of course," I said, hugging him back. "You're my brother, and I care about you. Both of you mean the world to me. I'm always gonna be there to help you."_

_Looking up at me with those big, innocent eyes, he said, "Promise?"_

"_Promise."_

The end of the memory was enough to send me into spasmic fits of sobbing, holding my head with one hand and my chest with the other.

I knew Zane couldn't console me as I fell to pieces in the front seat of him truck; as it was, the only sane part of my mind (that bit that remained unaffected by the pain) could imagine him gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles were white, his jaw hard-set, dark eyes fixed on the road ahead. Shame might have crossed the list of emotions I felt, except that he'd been there when my mom had passed as well, and long before that to when I did the most crying, praying that I wouldn't have to see her suffering…

There was no stopping the flood when the gates opened, so the only solution was to let the pain run its course. By the time I could breathe through only a slight shudder, I guessed that we'd probably been sitting in the parking garage of the hospital for some time. Even the dims lights on the dash of the truck made my head hurt when I forced my eyes open a slit. The green lights of the clock said 10:30; exactly an hour and a half after I'd received the text.

Slowly, I levered myself to lean back against the seat and laid my head back on the headrest. My throat and tongue were sandpaper, and I was sure my eyes were puffy and red. I had to have been a mess. When Zane crossed my mind, my heart skipped a beat. I must look pathetic to him…

As slowly as I could manage, I let my eyes drift sideways, only to meet his dark ones. Neither of us said anything; we didn't have to. He reached down and dug in the console, the soft rattle of pills telling me he'd found the bottle, and grabbed a soda before gently pressing the Excedrin into my palm. Gratefully I downed the medicine, hoping its effects would be quick enough to dull the lesser of two pains.

"Derek," I finally managed, my voice rough.

"Stable. Wounds weren't as bad as they looked. Just a lot of blood," he said softly. My eyes fluttered closed for a moment. Somehow, his deep voice was oh-so-comforting. Maybe it was because it was the only thing certain right in that moment. "Your Dad called about twenty minutes ago… He was worried about you. Still is. And… So am I."

Though he voiced something I already knew, my heart skipped a different beat than the one before. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, not knowing exactly what I was apologizing for. Always depending on him, maybe, or for letting him care about me more than I wanted him to.

"No, don't say that." My best friend reached up to brush his thumb against my cheek. I kept my eyes low. Could I let him persuade me that it was all okay? I couldn't, as much as I wanted to. I knew better. "We'll be okay, I promise. We'll stick together. _We'll be okay._"

It was then I noticed the trembling of his fingers on my skin as he pushed a fallen piece of hair from my face. Startled, my eyes leapt to his face. The agony written there ripped the pieces of my already shredded heart completely apart.

It dawned on me in a sickening wave that our family was the only real family he had. Even though his parents were alive, to him, I knew it was a worse torture than if they hadn't been. His dad was an alcoholic, and his mom wasn't much better off. The reason he spent every waking moment with Natalie and I was so that he wouldn't have to face the disaster that was his home. Derek and Eric were the brothers he didn't have, and my dad meant as much to him as to me. It had torn him in two when my mom had passed, and history was repeating itself, in a far worse manner… The boy he considered his brother—since his parents had so 'graciously' left him as their only child, to suffer the abuse and bare the humility of the cursed family all on his own—had been murdered. The only people he cared about were being taken from him.

Every emotion that flickered through his dark irises I read like a book. Suddenly, he wasn't the one comforting his best friend, and I wasn't the one crying.

How much we all needed each other became clearer than day to me. What we had wasn't family; it was so much stronger than that. Our lives were inexplicably tied to each other's, and without everyone together, we were nothing. Shattered fragments, like those in my chest, of a once beautiful gem, existed side by side in this world. We were a prime example, Zane, Natalie, Derek, Eric and I. Break one tie, scar one piece, the thing as a whole becomes disfigured, unable to repair itself on its own…

**Funeral-NPOV**

The procession was more like a hazy dream than a reality. People filed by the edge of the coffin carrying tissues and roses. The women cried huddled in groups in the corner of the funeral home, black veils covering their faces, while the men stood to the other side, looking solemn but troubled. I couldn't grasp what was going on, that this was really happening. We'd all promised that we'd watch each other's backs. It was a sacred oath that had been upheld until five days ago. One night shouldn't have been the difference between life and death; for Eric, it had, and there wasn't a soul within our messed up group that wasn't aching in some form or another.

Jackie was squished her dad's side, his arm around her shoulders. I could see her free arm stretched slightly behind her to hold on to Zane's hand tightly. Derek kept away from them, closer to me, his usually beautiful blue eyes glazed with sorrow.

"He wanted us all to go to the beach together next summer. Us, and all the new friends we made from school. And the winners of the competition—he wanted them to sing with you for a concert for military veterans this Christmas." His voice was a mumble, like he was trying to distract himself. I reached over to squeeze him, silently swearing that I would make both of those things happen, one way or another.

As the crowds at the front of the room drifted to the back, Jackie approached me, her body lagging and slumped. "Daddy wants us… To sing…"

Knowing what it would mean to her and everyone here, as well as what it would mean to me, I nodded and took the hand she offered. Slowly, she, Zane and I made our way to the raised platform that a man gestured to.

We didn't look at each other; we didn't have to. Our hand s tightened before our voices echoed over the heads of the attendees.

_I can only imagine_

_What it will be like_

_When I walk_

_By your side_

_I can only imagine_

_What my eyes will see_

_When your face _

_Is before me_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel_

_Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still_

_Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall_

_Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_When that day comes_

_And I find myself_

_Standing in the sun_

_I can only imagine_

_When all I will do_

_Is forever _

_Forever worship you_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel_

_Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still_

_Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall_

_Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel_

_Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still_

_Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall_

_Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all_

_I can only imagine_

_Yeah _

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_

_When all I will do_

_Is forever_

_Forever worship you_

_I can only imagine_

**Thorn: Okay, semi-short chapter again. Sorry I haven't been posting as frequently as I would like, and I hope I can get back into posting at least one chapter a week. Also, I know this chapter was depressing, and I'm sorry. I felt it was necessary. You should be happy that I was in physical pain—too much to keep writing this one after the song. After this, no more death-like sadness (whether for a while or period, I cannot yet quite answer, since I'm still polishing off my ideal storyline). The next one will be a bit livelier. I know it's kind of strange to have a party chapter after a funeral one, but the events are viable. (Happened to my friend. She partied to help herself and her loved ones battle the sorrow, cuz she knew her lost relative wouldn't want them to hurt for him… yeah.) I'll get the new one up ASAP! Thanks for your support! Keep the great reviews coming! **

_**Note: **__**A big thanks to Exactlyamanda, McKenna Troy Evens, and SeaCatt for reviewing; to AquaDragon911, Exactlyamanda, McKenna Troy Evens, and Seraph's Blade for following; and to McKenna Troy Evens and Exactlyamanda for favoriting! I love all of you for so much as glancing at my writing, and I appreciate every time you acknowledge me as an author. LoveloveLOVE! **_


	8. My Kinda Party

**Thorn: Okay, confession time… I've had this chapter sitting for about five days. Between being too lazy to post it in the small bits of time I did have and being super busy… Well, editing was unfortunately not fitting on my list. ;; But I thought I'd make it up to all of you for being so slow on posting these last few chapters… This one happens to be written in a very special guy's POV. ;) I couldn't resist trying my hand at a Castiel POV chapter. And if you don't like it, just say so and it won't happen again! That's cool with me, readers! The first part is Jackie, to set the scene, but the majority will be everyone's favorite redhead. The title of this chapter is **_**My Kinda Party **_**by Jason Aldean. **

JPOV

How Natalie had managed to convince me that a party three days after my brother's funeral was a good idea, I'll never know. Her stunning ability to figure out exactly what made a person happy was almost irritating sometimes. She may have been my best friend, but she wasn't my keeper. As far as I knew, anyway.

I was sure my dad had a say in it, though, as he miraculously had plans the moment I told him what she'd done. A night with the guys, he said, something he hadn't had in a long time with being away. Apparently he'd even been so kind as to invite Derek to go with him… I was immediately suspicious when he seemed more than okay with the idea of a bunch of people he barely knew of in his house (quite a few of them being teenage boys at that) with alcohol and cigarettes, possibly gambling each other broke (among the less harmful things that I knew could occur whenever Natalie had her wild bashes.)

So far the world as I had known it was slowly reforming—missing a piece, no doubt, but very slowly, yes, reforming. Like the dull mist that escapes from a freezer into the warmth of a room, the pain crept along inside me, occasionally flaring up from where it may have taken residence in the soles of my feet to my chest. It was with me everywhere I went, though everything I did, and I couldn't push it back no matter how hard I tried. I didn't like being depressed or downhearted; I loathed it, actually, but that didn't seem to make any difference to the invisible source of the lingering anguish inside me.

Stretched out across my bed, my feet dangling over one side and my arms over the other, I stared at the wall next to my closet, lost in my thoughts. The growing stack of clothes there was strangely reminiscent of the day I'd met Alexy at the mall. The lone wisp of a happy memory was quickly swallowed up in the darkness.

"You have zero taste in anything sexy," Natalie tsked, bringing me back to a reality outside my own world in my head. Wrinkling her nose at a heavy sweater from the back shelf, she tossed it aside as she had the others.

"That's because I don't intend to shake my ass for anything with a dick like you do," I countered, gesturing to her attire and managing a snicker.

Spinning, she threw up a finger in my direction and feigned shock. "You'd talk to me like that? And if I hit on _everything_ with a dick, then I wouldn't be single and I damn sure wouldn't still be a virgin. I just like to give a good show. And if we're all gonna be drunk anyway, I don't think it matters." She paused with a sigh before simply shoving my clothes back in the tiny closet and forcing the door shut. "Lucky for you, I assumed this might be the case." _Oh no, _I thought as she went to the dresser, digging in her bag before pulling out a pair of clothes and throwing them at me.

My eyes widened and I stared at them in my hands. _She can't be serious…_

"Now, go get changed. People are going to start showing up soon, and we should _definitely_ be there to greet them."

**Castiel POV**

What would I rather being doing on a Saturday night? To be honest, I wasn't sure; but going to Jackie's house to hang around a bunch of kids that I probably either knew nothing about or didn't care for was not high on my list of 'To Do's.'

Actually, it irritated me that Lysander had made me come with him in the first place. Granted, I'd refused to show up to Eric's funeral—I wasn't sure I could've dealt with the totally chaotic emotional meltdowns—and he's been furious with me for that, saying that if I was really their friend, then I should've gone to support them. So it hadn't been as though I'd had a choice about coming with him to this party-thing, even though he wouldn't have pestered me about it in front of everyone if I hadn't. But being the subject of his tight-lipped, sharp-tongued lectures (which no one else _would _be able to hear) was even further down on my list. Maybe it wouldn't even be so bad; I mean, if I knew Natalie well enough, I could figure there would be some pretty… Well, it might turn out to be interesting.

Tapping the toe of my boot against the hardwood floor in my living room impatiently, I glanced at my cell. He said he'd show up twenty minutes ago. It wasn't unlike Lysander to be late, but normally he'd at least shoot me a text. So far, nothing. I considered going by myself briefly before the faint humming of an engine reached my ears. Peering out the window, I squinted as the headlights of Leigh's black camaro pulled up out front.

"You could've texted," I muttered as I climbed in the back.

"It wasn't necessary. We were already on the way here by the time I realized we were late," my best friend responded.

"Don't be such a downer, Cas," his older raven-haired brother said to me. "It's a party, remember? It'll be cool."

When we pulled up, loud base vibrated my eardrums. I made a small, content sound to myself. At least we weren't going to end up listening to country.

"I surely hope no one calls the police to report a noise disturbance," Lysander commented before ringing the bell. I couldn't decide whether the scene that greeted us in the seconds that followed was hilarious or concerning.

A black-haired girl I didn't recognize wrenched the door open; immediately, a wide smile stretched across her slightly red face, lighting up her green eyes.

"_Jackie! They're here!_" she shouted over the roaring beat of Linkin Park. "_Bitch! You didn't tell me they were attractive!_" she continued, storming back to the other room, hands in fists at her sides, and leaving us standing in the doorway.

I glanced to Lysander who shrugged and followed his brother, who was promptly tackled into the wall by his white-haired girlfriend.

"I was worried you guys were never gonna show!" Rosalya complained before kissing him.

"Geez, Rosa. PDA, man. At least save it until he's had somethin' to drink." Kim rolled her eyes, tilting her glass slightly before sipping it.

Besides those two, the kitchen was empty, but the sound of Jackie's voice and laughter and clapping drifted there from the back room.

"Who's here?" I asked the punk-girl.

"So far, just me, Rosa, Fox and Jase. Iris and the twins are on their way, though. Natalie invited Nathaniel, but he won't show. Melody either." She wrinkled her nose. "Not that I'm sure she wanted them too anyway. She was probably just being polite, but I doubt that tight-ass would show anyway."

Before I could agree with her, Jackie and Natalie skipped into the kitchen arm in arm.

"Ah, we have more company, Dear!" the blonde squeaked.

"It seems we do! Welcome!" Jackie's face was smooth and happier than she'd been since Eric's death.

I quirked an eyebrow at the pair—though, strangely, not to their words, but their clothes. Natalie wore a tight gray tank top with the words _Bite Me_ etched across her chest in red lettering, along with a pair of also tight black shorts. Jackie, on the other hand, wore skinny jeans and a fitted white tee with the bright green Xbox power symbol on the front. The doorbell went off, and as she passed to answer it, I caught _Turn Me On?_ written across her back and had to hold back a snicker. Armin would flip on her ass, I was sure. I turned my attention back to Natalie, who was now whispering to Rosa about something. A mischievous glint appeared in both their eyes, and I pressed my lips together, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back against the counter.

For the first time, it occurred to me how pretty Natalie was. She reminded me of a blonde Ariana Grande, but taller and… less innocent looking. Her hair was currently pulled back into a messy bun, except for a few pieces that fell over her eyes, which closed as she chuckled (almost darkly) with her companion.

She was very different from any girl I'd ever met; she could be the most calm, carefree person one minute and become hot-headed and snappy the next, if she had cause. Besides Rosalya, she was the only girl who would dare throw my snide remarks back in my face. What was worse, he did it with an innocent smile that left me scowling at her every time. It irked me that she'd been friends with Nathaniel first, though, and when I found out how upset she'd been to find out about him and Melody at the competition. For the first time in my life, I'd wanted to punch that idiot president's face in for someone _other_ than myself. That on its own was enough to both worry me and intrigue me. The fact that she was in a band that could possibly get Lys and I a record deal had no affect on my immediate friendship with her… So why _had_ I suddenly become attracted to the idea of getting to know her? It had to be because she amused me with her snappy attitude—it brought some life to the school for once. Yeah, that had to be it.

I was distracted as Jackie led through the three missing members of our group. The two boys stayed with her as Iris joined the other two. Apparently Lysander and Leigh had disappeared—probably to the living room.

"I _love_ your shirt!" Alexy squealed, grabbing at the base of the back of the article. "Where'd you get this?"

She flashed a sweet smile to him in return. "Natalie thought I'd like it."

Behind the two of them, Armin flashed an unnoticed look of dismay the subject of conversation.

_Yeah, I was right._

"Don't you think this is so great, Armin?" his twin giggled, turning to him.

"Um…"

"I think someone is a bit tongue-tied, here, Jack."

The girl's smile only widened at the blue-haired boy. "Seems like it, doesn't it?" The happy look slowly faded to a pout. "You don't like it, then? Oh…" Her voice was sad and put out, but I could tell she was only teasing.

Armin's entire face went beet red. "N-no! I mean, y-yeah, I do, but—"

"Oooooooh!" Alexy was practically bouncing with excitement.

Their moment was interrupted by Natalie clearing her throat. "Now that everyone's here…"

Her words seemed to snap her friend from a trance, and with an "Ah!" Jackie dashed off.

The rest headed to the back room, and I suppressed a frown as Natalie dropped on the couch and threw her legs over Fox's lap. Narrowing his eyes some, he cautiously poked at her toe, making her squeak.

"Fox, that's my foot!"

The sandy-blonde blinked several times, bangs falling over his eyes as he looked down again. "It is? … Cool." His voice was dazed and slightly slurred.

Man, was he drunk. "I want whatever he had," I said, chortling.

Natalie shrugged, gesturing to a mason jar on the table. I stared at the clear liquid in surprise. "Where'd you get that?" Pausing, I added, "And how much did he _drink_?"

She considered for a moment. "I'm pretty sure the nut had like three shots in ten minutes."

Lysander's mouth went to a skewed line as he looked at her from where he sat on the loveseat. "That's dangerous. He could wind up with alcohol poisoning…"

"I think he'll be okay as long as I don't let him drink anymore. Hence, my legs here," she replied, gesturing to them. For some reason, I felt relieved. Wait, what?

All at once, Jackie came charging back downstairs, a black Nikon camera in her hands.

"What's that for?" Jase asked.

"Well…" It seemed as though she was anxious now, biting her lower lip.

"Go on," Lysander urged gently. Her eyes flashed to him and she released her lip, nodding slowly. _Strange…_I thought.

"I figured it might be cool to start a scrapbook for all of us."

Rosalya's face lit up and she let go of Leigh to bound over to her friend. "That's a great idea! Keep some memories from high school!"

"And for all of you guys to remember the rest of us when you get all big and famous," Iris added, joining in on the girls' enthusiasm.

Jackie laughed. "I doubt any of us could ever forget any of you. You're the best friends ever."

"All in favor?" Alexy sang. Everyone but Armin and I raised our hands. For once, I was grateful.

"I don't do pictures," I told them.

"I second that," the black-haired twin agreed.

Natalie crossed her arms, poking her lower lip out slightly. "Please Cas?"

I began to consider, but stopped cold in my tracks. What the fuck? "The answer is still no." My eyebrows furrowed some, my mouth setting into a hard line.

The pout grew bigger and her eyes widened pleadingly. "Please?" Her voice was softer this time, and I stared at her. When I didn't answer, her face fell and she looked down hurtly. Well, fuck.

I inhaled slowly through my nose. "…Whatever."

Then she threw herself at me, hugging my waist and giggling. "Thanks, Cas!"

Leigh laughed under his breath and I shot him a glare. "I don't have to like it," I reminded him, scowling. But with Natalie beaming up at me like that, the idea didn't seem so bad. Her smile was dazzling. My face smoothed out some when I looked down at her.

The flash of a camera reminded me that Jackie was still standing there. "That one's a keeper, definitely," Rosa commented, looking at the screen and nodding approval. "You look so nice, Cas."

And the scowl was back.

"Aw, don't mind them," Natalie told me, letting go.

The next hour would have been torture, except that I secretly enjoyed it. Watching everyone have fun couldn't leave me in a bad mood. Or maybe it was the rather large amount of alcohol in my system talking. It wasn't just me, though; even Jackie and Lysander—the two I'd expected to stay sober—took a shot (or three). Part of me guessed it couldn't have been fun having to simply watch. The brunette snapped at least three hundred pictures, constantly praising her 'subjects' and sometimes getting in on the picture herself.

"This will be fabulous, guys!" she giggled, cheeks flushed slightly. "I can't wait to upload these to the computer and start out scrapbook! I'll keep taking them all the time, too!"

"This is going to be a great project, Jackie," Natalie agreed throwing her head back and laughing. The sound was pealing bells, and I chuckled.

Jackie cocked her head before smiling at her friend and gesturing vaguely. I was confused until I felt a warmth press on my cheek and a white light blinded me.

"No, _that_ is the keeper!" Rosa was practically glowing with happiness. Turing my head to the blonde next to me, I set my face. "What was that for," I asked scathingly. Unaffected, she shrugged and fiddled with the sleeve of my jacket until I pulled my arm away, blood pounding in my ears.

"I need air." I stood quickly and headed to the back porch, the cold November night breeze pushing my hair back from my face.

What was wrong with me? Anyone else, I would've gone off on them. Who had any right to touch me, let alone kiss me? No fucking one. It had to be the alcohol, subduing my emotions. That was it.

But I could've been something different. Maybe… _NO!_ That was not a thought I wanted to have. I wasn't going anywhere near _that_ corner of my mind again. Not after last time. I'd sworn to myself that I wouldn't risk it. Part of me wanted to, but the sane part screamed that I might as well kill myself first.

I was so busy arguing with myself that I hadn't heard the door open behind me, so when I felt the slight pressure on my fingers, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"What?" I snapped, startled. Immediately, I regretted it as green eyes filled with hurt and averted their gaze, and the fingers on mine withdrew.

Backing up a few steps, Natalie murmured, "I'm sorry. I crossed the line… I didn't think you'd be angry about it…" She hugged herself loosely.

"I didn't mean it like that," I muttered, irritated with myself. As if arguing with myself wasn't bad enough, I'd upset her. Why did I care? I shouldn't, but for whatever reason, I did.

"No, you were right to react that way." She tried to soothe me, but that only made me angrier. Would she have told me that even if I weren't? Probably.

"Don't feed me that shit. It was just for a picture. It was my stupid ass that flipped the fuck out about it."

She winced slightly. "It still wasn't right, Cas. You know that."

"Stop that."

Blinking, she frowned and slowly reached out to touch my hand again. The warmth was nice, but I kept myself from responding. That would have been insane… "… That's not the reason you're upset, is it?"

My eyes darted to her, widening slightly in surprise. Offering a small, warm smile, she continued. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but it might help if you did." I just stared at her like she had three heads. "We should probably get back inside to the others. Wouldn't want them to think your unnatural hair color has gone to your head, Red."

I managed to crack a smile at that. As I followed her back in, Rosa's insistent voice flew to my ears. "One or the other, guys! There's no negotiating here!"

"That's not fair, Rosa!" Jackie bit back.

"You can't actually expect us to agree to either of those." Lysander's eyebrows furrowed.

"Cas, Natalie!" The white-haired girl turned to us expectantly. _Aw, shit._ "Strip Poker or Truth or Dare?"

Natalie beat me to the punch. "I ain't drunk enough to play either, Rosa." _Thanks, Little Girl._ "But I would have to say Truth or Dare." _I stand corrected._

The devious smile that broke out on the other girl's face was truly terrifying.

**Thorn: Ugh, you guys. I hate not being able to post for you. This is such a major part of me, now, it's sad, really. Sorry about the shorter chapters here recently; I've been so freaking busy that I've barely had any time to write. Bit of a cliffhanger here, so you can imagine what kind of embarrassing things Rosalya would have everyone do… How you guys don't hate me for constantly pulling this type of thing I beyond me! I appreciate those of you that have reviewed, but I aim for at least ten people to review this! As a little incentive, I'll say that the first ten of you to review this chapter will have a say in another! Like, a chapter you'd like to see… ;) **


	9. Ho Hey

**Thorn: Commentary after the chapter this time... The title of this chapter is Ho Hey by The Lumineers. The words of the song aren't necessarily a storyline or anything, just kind of expressive of the fact that Jackie is starting to get over her brother's death with the help of her friends, and how what she has been doing is to avoid the same pain she had with her mom—that is, in separating herself from the people that care about her—and realizes there are people that she deserves to be with, one way or another, whether she has decided yet or not… I love you guys, so here's the chapter!**

* * *

JPOV

The light of the next morning's (well, afternoon, since we'd been up so late) sun found me standing by the stove, chopping carrots and potatoes to throw them into a crock-pot already three-quarters full of chicken and white sauce. Traditionally, my mom whipped up a batch of the hearty meal whenever my dad drank, saying it was a good way to ease his stomach so she wouldn't have to spend the next night cleaning up off the bathroom floor whatever he couldn't hold down. She would just make the chicken pot pie filling and pour it over homemade biscuits, which sounded like a pretty good idea to me, considering the circumstances. Plus, it was easy to make in a double or triple batch with ten of us hungry teens to feed.

After recently discovering that both of the Ainsworth boys were more hopeless in the kitchen than Tamaki Suoh was at trying to be a 'normal rich kid,' (if there was indeed such a thing) I'd taken it upon myself to supply their fridge to the brink of bursting, and then attempt to teach them to feed themselves, even if it killed me. Rosalya supported it immediately, squealing as she told me how adorable it was that I was trying to 'teach her baby Lysie a thing or two about fine cuisine, so that when Leigh finally decided to marry her, her poor boy wouldn't be left with nothing to eat but his notebook paper.' This earned a fit of uncontrollable laughter from Natalie, Castiel and me that left us leaning against each other for support while tears spilled down our cheeks.

Those were the moments that made putting up with some of the stupid shit that high-school entitled—the ones that I would remember for the rest of forever, because they were the ones that made it so plainly obvious who my real friends were. That was an unnatural feeling to me; actually having people outside of my small family group that cared about what the hell happened to us, and supported what we did or told us straight up if we were being reckless idiots that were going to get ourselves hurt. And then the good moments came around, too, like the partying.

I smiled to myself as I thought about the previous night. I had an extremely rare set of friends; ones that I knew would stick by me no matter what it was that came my way. They were the only people I could think of that I would want to be able to see me so drunk I couldn't stop giggling, and had to crawl around on the floor because my legs were unable to hold me up. I snickered to myself at the memory of Leigh's face as I downed the third shot in ten minutes, throwing out my arms as Natalie and Iris joined me in a very off-key verse of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.' Despite the hilarity of it all, embarrassment was nowhere to be found in the store of emotions that were renewed inside me. Somehow, no matter how idiotic I was sure we had all looked in those pictures that Rosa had taken through the night (since she confiscated the camera from me after my second shot of Jack), I was going to cherish every single minute of all of this like it was my last on Earth.

Pausing to consider the current silence briefly, I hit the button on top of the kitchen radio with my elbow, then tapped the saved channel select to the country station that Eric had always insisted we play on Sunday mornings. The fact that I could think about the past, about him, without my chest suddenly shattering again shocked me enough for my body to freeze. It wasn't like it didn't still hurt, because it did; the twinge in my chest when I thought his name was most certainly not imagined. But the way it hurt was completely different. Instead of the white hot searing agony that had come with realizing that he was truly gone forever, it was a lingering sting, like a pinch, but bigger, almost as if something was trying to remind me not to forget.

Inhaling slowly, I returned to work, humming softly to myself in thought. It wasn't until the snap of a voice came from behind me that I noticed the others were stirring.

"Hey, where are my cigarettes?" Natalie demanded, running a hand back through her tangled blonde hair and looking irritated. Silently sighing, I grabbed them and threw the lighter in the pack before tossing it to her. Without so much as a 'thanks,' she spun and stormed to the back porch. _Well_, I mused,_ there's my first reminder in a while of what she can be like plus a hangover and minus her morning nicotine._ I shook my head to myself and leaned back into the corner of the counter, debating what to do now. The food wouldn't be ready for a while, and I'd already had a nice, long, hot shower, throwing on a pair of comfortable jeans and my faded gray Blink-182 tee, wrapping my hair into a messy braid away from my face. It was the first time I'd worn what Zane called 'normal clothes' in a while.

Suddenly, a thought struck my mind, and I was muttering under my breath as I picked my way among the bodies in the living room to grab both Leigh and Lysander's clothes from the steps. I'd forgotten what a mess Jase had made of the whole situation when he'd promptly lost every bit of alcohol in his stomach. He'd have one heck of a hangover this morning, I was sure.

_Machine wash cold, no dyed detergent, hung up to dry_. As Leigh's proud voice replayed in my head, I was unable to hold back a laugh. The older Ainsworth was so particular about everything in regards to his belongings. On one hand, I totally understood and respected him for the amount of knowledge he had on the matter. On the other, it did get semi-annoying how pompous he could be about it sometimes.

"Something funny about my clothing?" The soft voice made me jump. Glancing back over my shoulder, my eyes fell on a just-woken Lysander. His silver hair stuck out at funny angles and he yawned as he reached up to rub his emerald eye sleepily. I swallowed. The tank and night pants Zane had loaned him weren't his usual style, so they seemed out of place, but somehow it just worked. Whoa, what a sight. I swallowed and turned my gaze back to the washing machine as a bit of heat crept to my cheeks. No, contrary to popular belief, it wasn't everyday that a handsome boy slept over at my house, especially not one that wasn't my best friend, and wasn't here simply because he wanted to screw me. It was a nice change, having one here that I actually wanted to be here, and having him come of his own accord. Wait, what? No, bad mind. Bad!

"No, no!" I murmured honestly, the blush deepening. "Nothing like that. I was just thinking is all."

"Oh? About?"

"Just, um, things. You know, mostly like when everyone else is going to get up, and what to do until then."

There was a silence where I assumed he shrugged before realizing I wasn't looking at him. "I wouldn't worry too much about it. Castiel will probably be out for another three hours, easily. Leigh will be lucky to wake up before noon tomorrow. The others, I haven't the slightest idea."

I chuckled to myself. He was probably right; he knew his brother and Red better than anyone. Maybe I'd be the lucky one, then, and not have to deal with the attitude I heard he always had in the mornings.

Our voices lapsed to silence. For once in my house, it was not an uncomfortable silence, but one between friends that have to say nothing, but enjoy the company just the same. Yet again, I found myself contemplating the situation I was currently lodged in. It really wasn't a bad place to be at all...

Okay, maybe I wasn't exactly sure where I stood with the guys. I assumed Lysander was okay with me, since he'd paired up with me in English more than once to do class work, and even though he didn't speak so much, he would offer a small warm smile as a hello when I saw him. He was easy to get along with, and that made me comfortable around him. But I couldn't say for certain that we were friends, which irked me for some reason.

And then there was Castiel-Red, with all his Redhead Humor. He was hotheaded, sarcastic, bossy and more often than not seemed ready to lash out at whoever twisted a word the wrong way on their tongue. To be honest, I wasn't sure why I put up with him. That wasn't to say I hated him; I just didn't give a crap about him. It seemed funny to admit that to myself, that I didn't care about someone. I couldn't see what Natalie did in his comebacks, or why she thought he was so funny. Personally, I found Armin much more appealing than Castiel.

There was another boy I had no idea what to make of. Since that day at the mall, I'd formed a special bond with the Page twins. Alexy was the crazy, loveable, fashionable sister I never had. I could tell him anything and he would sit and nod vigorously before giving me the kind of input that would make a person think the world was going to end if the problem wasn't resolved right away.

But Armin... He was different, not like the other guys. He wasn't a musician or a writer like Lysander or Castiel, he didn't have perfect grades like Nathaniel, he wasn't good at sports like Dajan, and unlike Jade, he hated gardening. Instead, it was like he put everything he had into his games, determined to be the very best at all of them. A wisp of a smile crossed my lips as I recalled his inability to master DDR.

Something clicked in the back if my mind. Since Natalie, Zane, and I had enrolled in Sweet Amoris, I hadn't talked to him as much. Sure, at first, if eaten lunch with him and Alexy because I hadn't known anyone. But then, slowly, as I'd met Iris and Kim and Violette, my focus had drifted away from him. I'd neglected one of my friends because I found new ones. The thought made me sick to my stomach. Even if he could be obsessive and hard to get through to, he'd never once ignored my calls or texts if I needed a game night or just a real guy friend to hang with other than Zane. (I loved the guy, but spending so much time with him in the band was more than enough sometimes.)

My breathing shuddered slightly as I shut the washing machine lid. Subconsciously, I made my way past Lysander into the living room, once again carefully avoiding the people strung across the floor, and to the far wall beside the couch, where the black-haired boy had curled up under the window with a blanket and a pillow. I knelt beside him, hands wrapping into loose fists as I studied him. His slow breathing was a silent comfort; the onyx locks that usually flew everywhere were smooth against his head for once. The blanket had pooled against his side, where his legs were up and bent and his arms were folded over his abdomen. Briefly, he murmured in his sleep, eyes fluttering before he settled once again.

I didn't feel the same way looking at him that I did when I looked at other guys. He wasn't something I wanted to own, he was something I wanted to protect. The feeling was brotherly love, not romantic love. Maybe the realization came as a relief, because my shoulders relaxed in the same moment. I couldn't let him down the way I'd believed I had if I didn't feel that way... Right?

I frowned slightly, pulling the blanket back up around his shoulders and stroking his hair lightly before rising again. That was it, I decided. It had to be that the reason I didn't want to let him down was that he and Lex were family to me. They were, after all, the first friends I had made in a long time outside of When Darkness Turns To Light. There was nothing wrong with that, especially since the only blood family I had left were my dad and Derek...

"Are you alright?" Lysander's voice came from behind me as I stood.

A slow smile spread across my face as I turned to face him and answered, "Yeah. Yeah, I think I am." And at those words, my chest swelled.

* * *

NPOV

I took a long drag off the cigarette I had lit, watching as the end turned a bright red. It had been too long since I'd been so drunk, and it was comforting to know that the people I had been drunk with weren't about to make fun of me for it. If anything, I might have been the most sane of the bunch.

* * *

_Alexy's face turned a vibrant shade of red as he giggled hysterically. "You want me to _what_?" _

_"You heard me!" I said, grinning broadly. "Unless you're too chicken shit."_

_The blue-haired male let out a fake gasp. "How dare you!"_

_"I _did_ dare you." The grin got bigger._

_"Fine!" _

_As if Truth or Dare hadn't been good enough, after the liquor bottle had been passed around again, somehow we'd all agreed that it might be interesting to smoosh it together with strip poker. What fun! So now if you lost a round, you'd have to take something off _and_ pick a truth or a dare. To be fair, though, it was only the person to lose the most money or fold out first that had to do these things. There was no doubt it was purely the alcohol talking and not our good sense, but I wasn't about to complain about seeing a bunch of attractive guys strip in front of me. Hey, I was still female above all else. _

_We were about four rounds in, and so far Rosa had lost one (taking off her boots and admitting to some, ahem, things she'd done with Leigh), Lysander had lost one (only his ascot came off, and Alexy had forced him to take another three shots), and Alexy had lost the last two. The first time, he'd taken his shoes off, and this time his shorts. The first time, he'd picked a truth and Castiel took the liberty of forcing out of him that he had a small crush on Kentin._

_'Too bad he's not here to hear that confession,' Red had laughed._

_Unable to keep a straight face, Alexy stood. "I'm not sure this is fair since I'm not into girls..."_

_"Suck it up, cupcake." Jase snickered._

_Okay, granted, to have a gay guy sing_ Crazy Bitch_ may not have been the most viable dare, but after the first twenty seconds, there wasn't a single one of us that could breathe around our laughter. It was a good five minutes even after the song ended before any of us were coherent. _

_"Well, that was just about the best dare ever," Rosa forced out, wiping her eyes. _

_"But the game must go on!" Fox declared. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I caught him flash a grin at me. _

_The next round was horrid. No one folded, but Leigh raked in a huge chunk of everyone's cash, putting Iris, Kim, Jase, Rosa, Armin, Alexy, and Jackie out all at once. On a group dare, they were forced to do the chicken dance around a candle on the kitchen floor, but since so many of them lost, they weren't made to strip. Which was probably a good thing, since except for Jase, they were all girls. _

_"I don't suppose it really matters whether Rosa strips or not," Castiel smirked, seeming to read my thoughts. "Leigh will get all that off her anyway, later." Our eyes met, and we lost it again, leaning on each other for support._

_"Hey, what we do with our love life is none of your concern!" the white-haired girl said, pushing a lock back over her shoulder. The joke ran around for another moment before the group calmed again and returned to our game. _

_As my eyes scanned the cards in my hand, I felt hot gazes on my face. When I glanced up through my lashes, though, Cas and Fox exchanged a dark look. Suddenly it occurred to me that I was the only female left playing. _Shit_, I thought. I_'m royally fucked._ I couldn't begin to imagine what kinds of things they would make me admit to or the horrors they might demand of me..._

_The only one I was positive I could trust was Lysander, unless he had some hidden side with a taste for sick things like ganging up on a girl. Immediately I pushed away the possibility since it didnt seem likely. However, I wouldn't have put it past Castiel or Fox to be like that, and taken with the look I'd caught between them, I was worried. As for Leigh, even if he had Rosalya, it wouldn't shock me if he collaborated with the other two to try and get me naked or to get me to say or do things that I-_

_I muttered a 'call' and shoved more chips to the middle of the coffee table, suddenly very self-conscious. I couldn't give in to a pressure that I wasn't sure existed. Straightening, I sat back in my chair and plastered a smug look to my face. If by chance they would try something like that, I wasn't going to make it easy on them. _

_As we threw our cards in, it seemed that this time I had the winning hand and Castiel got bit in the butt, losing a crapload of cash. I smirked in his direction and made a gesture for him to get on with it. He shrugged out of his black leather jacket without a response and I found my eyes drawn to his arms. _

Very nice. Muscular, not too thick... He has a nice chest, too-_ I mentally slapped myself. Whoa, there. Maybe this buzz was doing trippy things to my head..._

_Leigh cleared his throat. "And?"_

_"Truth," Castiel replied blandly. _

_What could I ask him?_

_"If you don't mind, Natalie, I'd actually like to ask him," the older Ainsworth said. I nodded, almost grateful not to have to think of anything. "Castiel, which girl here is the most attractive?"_

_It caught me off guard, really, since it was such a weird question. Who asks stuff like that?_

_"It doesn't matter what I answer." He shrugged. "But Natalie."_

Wait, what?! _I stared at him. _

_"Don't get any ideas, Little Girl," he sneered. "It was a truth. It doesn't mean I like you or that I'm attracted to you."_

_Right, right. I had to stop over thinking things so much. Briefly, though, before his eyes strayed from mine, I swore I caught some hot emotion run in them. It left me confused and (though I hated to admit it) somewhat hopeful. _

_Somewhere between another three shots for all of us, me losing two rounds, my shorts and tank top, my mind said that it was time for me to start trying to win his attention, and, for that matter, anyone else's who gave a shit. At that point, I was so drunk I could barely seperate the couch from the floor, not that anyone could tell._

_"Whatcha gonna do, Sweet?" I asked, smiling at Fox. _

_"Raise that," he muttered, trying not to look my direction._

_"You sure about that?" I giggled, laying my hand on his knee._

_"Um-hm."_

_"Just put your damn chips in, then," Castiel snapped. _

_"What's with your attitude?" I pouted in his direction, and he glared at me. No, wait. At _my hand_. Curiously, I drew my fingers back to my lap and watched his shoulders ever so slightly loosen. Hm. _

_"Just stop stalling him." His voice was still harsh, but at least to my ears, slightly less so. _

_"Would you rather I stall _you_?" I said to him cheekily, earning myself a scowl from the redhead. _

_"Play the damn game," he told me. _

Oh, I am, trust me.

_The next six rounds resulted in Lys dropping out after saying that this wasn't his kind of game, Leigh losing his jacket and shirt, and both Fox and Cas losing everything but their boxers. _

_Sure, all I had left were my bra and underwear, but Fox seemed extremely distracted by that, so I figured he wouldn't last much longer. _

_"What this time, Castiel?" the blonde asked, trying to keep his hands from shaking._

_"Fuck it, dare," he said, turning the glass in his left hand straight up. _

_"You've got to let Ms. Smartass there sit on your lap for the rest of the game." Both of us almost choked on our drinks._

_"What?! But it wasn't even my dare!" I complained, eyes wide. _

_"You either participate or forfeit the next round." Now it was Leigh's turn to be smug, crossing his arms after gesturing to my lack of suitable clothing. _

_"Fine!" I snapped. Suddenly picking on all the guys didn't seem like suck a good idea... My stomach twisting nervously, I stood and moved over to Castiel, trying very hard not to flip shit. My mind was anywhere but the present as I situated myself on his lap an extended my fingers for new cards. _

_A round later (Leigh lost), it was impossible for me to be comfortable. If I was going to be here for a while (which it seemed like I was), I couldn't stay like this the whole time. _

_Gritting my teeth, I slowly edged myself back into Cas' shoulder. Immediately, like I knew he would, I felt him stiffen behind me._

_"What the hell are you doing?" he hissed. _

_"If I'm gonna sit here, I'm going to be comfortable. Now shut up and play the damn game," I muttered. _

_After a long silence where cards were dealt, I became very aware of just how _warm_ he was. I could feel his heartbeat against my back and his breath against my shoulder as he looked down at his hand. And then, without warning, his arm wrapped around my stomach and he slid back into the couch. I let out a small gasp._

_"What the hell-"_

_"I'm just getting comfortable." I heard the sneer in his voice as he threw my words back at me. The shift left me cockeyed on his right thigh, my legs over his left knee. _

_It was about that time that Jase stumbled back in to say something to Fox, followed by Lysander, before he promptly puked his guts out on both Ainsworth boys. _

_I squealed, shrinking back into Castiel to avoid being hit, and in response, his arm tightened on my waist._

_"Watch it!" he growled, the sound rumbling against my shoulder. _

_The scene left quite a mess-which Jackie was left to clean up off the floor. When it was all said and done, Fox embarrassedly redressed and hurried off to the back porch, saying he needed air. _

_Slowly, I stood and put my own tank and shorts back on, keeping my eyes away from the boy I'd just been sitting on as he did the same. It was then that Iris suggested a movie so that we could all wind down, since it was after three in the morning anyway. _

_I left for a brief moment to use the bathroom and by the time I got back, every spot on the furniture was taken. I didn't want to seem like a priss, but I didn't want to sit on the floor, either. I finally decided that I'd just head upstairs and throw my pajamas on before I decided what to do._

_Somehow, I ended up out on the back porch (empty now that Fox had crashed on the couch) staring blankly into the woods in front of me. The night was chilly, but the flannel pants I wore along with the sweatshirt I had on over top of my tee kept me warm enough. My head was foggier than I'd realized it was in the heat of everything going on, and I shook it, though I knew it was useless. _

_I wasn't sure how long I stood there, but eventually a form appeared beside me._

_"You okay?" came Castiel's unusually soft voice._

_"Yeah..." My own was slightly scratchy from the cold air, and I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I'm good. Just, you know, trying to clear my head some."_

_"How's that working for you?"_

_I chuckled. "Not too well. I'll be surprised if I don't have a hangover tomorrow."_

_There was a silence that followed, and I was glad he didn't bring up his dare. But when one of us did break through the night, it was him._

_"I meant what I said, you know."_

_"About what?" I leaned on my forearms against the railing._

_"I do think you're, you know, attractive, I guess."_

_"Uh, thanks?" I wasn't honestly are how to react, turning my head to him in time to see him roll his gray eyes. _

_"Take the compliment, Little Girl. You won't hear too many of them."_

_I wasn't sure why, but that made me smile at him. "You're not so bad yourself, Red."_

_For a moment, he looked genuinely surprised, but then, to my shock and delight, grinned right back. For reasons I couldn't explain, his reaction left my insides fluttery and turned my brain to goo, my thoughts becoming incoherent. Then, to my horror and amazement, a full string of words pieced themselves together in my mind._

I want to kiss Castiel Jones.

* * *

The only thing that brought me back to reality after the still fresh memory was my cell phone buzzing in my pants pocket. Looking down at it, I recognized the number as our manager Alan.

_Get down here as quick as you can_, the text said._ I've got big news for you and I know at least you two girls are going to flip shit when you hear._

* * *

**Thorn: I'm so sorry the update took so long! i had to type the entire chapter on Google Docs on my phone because i didnt have a computer... so all the formatting sucked! sooo sorry!**

**Okay, I'm a sucker. I couldn't help but to put in the party bit... I had to! Anyway, I'm finally getting back in my writing groove and have next to no reviews! That makes me sad, but not sad enough to stop writing. Nonetheless, I expect more reviews, please! And that reward from the last chapter is still open to anyone who puts in their two cents. Please and thank you! I also realize that a lot of the chapters have been in Jackie's POV so far, and that probably is a little strange, but trust me, they won't all be. To get the plot rolling with Eric's death, a lot of those chapters had to be in her point of view. Don't think I'm even close to done with that whole bit about him yet, though! He will be avenged! I do, however, realize that crime-solving is not instantaneous, and that they may not immediately tell the families their suspicions about a murder right away like they do in NCIS. Sorry for the senseless rambling, gah!**

**On a happier note, I got my first guest reviewer! I don't know why this makes me so happy, but it does! The fact that people outside of those with profiles want me to continue writing is amazing! (Granted, the review just asked for an update, but still!)  
I'm so sorry that I haven't had time to write lately, it's been killing me too. I promise, though, I'll try to be better and update more! Reviews much appreciated! Thanks guys!**


	10. Memories

**Thorn: The name of the chapter is** _Memories_ by Shinedown.

* * *

JPOV

I wasn't sure whether I should be yanking my hair out in nervousness or squealing in excitement. Instead of debating it, I scraped the spatula over the bottom of the black skillet on my stove, shifting the sausage and potatoes frying there.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Zane asked for the thousandth time. He leaned his tall, slender form against the marble countertop next to me, crossing his arms and giving me his signature 'you're being irresponsible' stare. "It's December, and it will probably get below ten degrees _here_ every night, let alone in _northern Maine._ And you'll be missing five or six days of school, depending on when you get back, and break is just over three weeks away…"

Giving a soft sigh, I nodded, hating to do this to him. An opportunity like this was one we couldn't pass up. Or, one that Natalie and I couldn't. Five or six days (starting Wednesday, going through the weekend, where we wouldn't miss anything, and then back to Wednesday or Thursday again) were plenty worth this… Even so, a small amount of guilt managed to weasel its way into my gut.

After he hadn't been able to come to our party a month ago—family issues, I guessed—he'd subconsciously been making me feel guilty about leaving him alone for a week. But when Alan had called with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do not just _one_ but _two_ lockdowns with Ghost Adventures, neither Natalie nor I were about to give that up. We both knew how much Zane despised anything that had to do with the supernatural and the idea of us getting into anything that could hurt us. So this was pretty much his greatest fear come to life, springing from the depths of the darkness and pinning his back to the wall. I hated that I was making him feel that way, but I promised myself I wouldn't give in just because he told me to. I had to learn to stick up for myself.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Besides, one of the lockdowns is here in Jersey anyway," I pointed out. "They're professionals, Zane. We'll be well taken care of, and they won't let us do anything that could be dangerous." Okay, maybe that second part was a lie. It was the bottom line that everything Zak, Nick, and Aaron _did_ was dangerous, and I wasn't fooling him. "Castiel and Lysander are going," I quickly added. "That's five guys that will—"

"Keep Natalie's stupid ass out of trouble," he finished, a small smile playing at his lips as he broke out into a lopsided grin that I loved to see, making me laugh.

"Hey!" the blonde grumbled from the other side of the kitchen table. "I can plenty take care of myself, thank you very much!"

"Yeah, that's why you're going to be stuck up Red's ass the whole time, right?" I teased.

"If that's so, you'll be stuck up Lysander's," she countered. I faked a wince of shock, and then turned my head so she could see me roll my eyes.

Okay, so how exactly we'd convinced those two to join us on this wild goose-chase, I hadn't the slightest clue. The whole situation had gone from irritating—since my dad had said he wouldn't feel safe unless at least one boy our age went (yeah, what a dad! He was more concerned about the thirty year-olds than he was about another eighteen year-old…)—to frustrating, when we couldn't convince our third band-member to go, to absolutely shocking when Castiel had _volunteered_. (Although he did add that if he didn't, one of us twits was going to get ourselves into some big trouble.) His best friend then agreed to join us without explanation, leaving Natalie and I to wonder at what point we'd started to matter to them.

_Or maybe, _my mind said,_ they're just doing it to get more publicity for their band. That's a possibility as well, stupid. _As far as I knew, it really didn't have anything to do with either of us, but for whatever reason, I was okay with that. Even if I didn't like Castiel that much, he and Lysander were still better company than most; for a week-long trip, I wasn't sure there was too many other people I could stand to be around twenty-four hours a day. Sure, Castiel could be annoying as all get out, but there honestly wasn't much wrong with him. He wasn't about to try something funny around us, or let anything bad happen to us, I was sure, and the fact was a comfort.

Natalie was going to enjoy this, for sure. After the party, she'd cautiously admitted to me her confused feelings for him, and the desire she'd had to kiss him when they were outside on the deck. She told me how badly she'd wanted him to pay attention to her while we were all playing poker, and how, even though she really didn't know him that well, she _really _wanted that too. To be honest, I was fairly certain the poor girl was head-over-heels in love with the hotheaded bad-boy of Sweet Amoris. _God help her,_ I had mused, _to keep that thick-headed moron from breaking her heart._

And then there was Lysander. I had some thinking to do about him, myself, but when the doorbell rang, I figured it would have to be some other time. "Zane, watch that." I thumbed to the stove. _Well, here goes nothing._

Taking a deep breath, I swung open the front door. The sky outside was still gray, though along the horizon, it had begun to lighten. It was close to seven o'clock now, since the guys had said we needed to get on the road before eight if we were going to stand a chance of making it to the town of the location by the end of the day. (In the background of the call, I'd heard the same bickering that often erupted between Natalie and Castiel, but between what I assumed was Aaron and Zak, since Nick was on, about Aaron's severe lack of direction.)

"Hi." _Gah, you can do better than a 'hi' you moron!_ I mentally scolded myself.

The three nodded, and, as my eyes adjusted to the dim light on the porch, I could see that all three of them were dressed in jeans and heavy sweatshirts with the GA logos across the chest.

"Hi. You're Jacquelyn, right?" Nick asked. My inner fangirl was screaming her head off. He knew who I was! (Of course, that part of my mind wasn't exactly the most sensible at filtering in our conversation and that they must have already known us to ask us to join them…)

"Oh, gosh. Just Jackie is fine. C'mon in," I said quickly. I could barely keep myself from staring at the three of them. Zak, who was tall, dark and handsome, with his windblown hair and shapely body; Nick, also quite tall, but with somehow softer features, and a kind smile plastered to his face; and finally Aaron, who was, in every sense of the word, a _big_ guy. He towered over poor me, and I guessed that his shoulders could have held back a train going a hundred miles an hour. Jesus, if I hadn't known how much of a teddy bear he was, I would've been terrified out of my senses.

I ushered them in, unable to find any other words. _Crap, Ghost Adventures is in my house. Double crap, my tongue won't work. _When I turned and headed back to the kitchen, two extra voices had joined Natalie and Zane's, but they weren't whom I expected, and suddenly words sprung back to my lips. "Alexy, Armin?!"

"Jackiiiiiiieeee!" The blue-haired twin threw himself at me, wrapping his arms around my lower waist and burying his face in my chest. If it had been anyone but him, I would've become a murderer. "I can't believe you're leaving…" He honestly sounded on the verge of tears, and whatever miniscule amount of irritation that had welled in me melted.

"Aw, it's only for a week, Lex. You'll be alright," I told him, squeezing his shoulders and stroking the back of his head lightly.

His head raised and a look of outrage crossed his features. "I thought you loved me!"

"I do!" I was shocked at the accusation. This guy was one of the best friends I could have ever asked for, he was practically my family now.

"Then why are you leaving me alone with no one to shop with for a whole _seven days?_" The seriousness in his tone did it, and I busted out laughing. Sadly, that only made it worse, and he pulled away from me, crossing his arms with a look of real hurt, poking his lower lip out slightly and sniffing dramatically.

"Oh, c'mon… Okay, you know what?" I asked. "To make it up to you, we'll spend a whole day in Trenton when I get back, just us. How's that sound?" One of the biggest malls in the state was in Trenton, which was about an hour's drive from my place. The gas money plus the huge bill I knew he was going to run up almost made me regret the words, but I did genuinely feel bad about leaving the poor guy on his own since his brother couldn't stand ninety percent of the things he did, and seeing his face light up like a child's made everything better. Once again, he embraced me, bringing my feet clean off the titled floor as he giggled. "I knew you loved me!"

"Uh… Well, now." Aaron's voice came from the kitchen doorway, and he scratched the side of his neck awkwardly.

"_Whoa!_" As quick as he'd picked me up, Alexy let me hit he floor (leaving me to stumble to regain my balance), spun, eyes widening, and a stupid grin plastered itself to his face. If there was ever a bigger GA fan than Natalie and I, it had to be Alexy Page.

"Lex?" I breathed, praying he wouldn't just jump them then and there.

"Y-yeah?" His voice came out in an abnormally high squeak, and from where I stood—now behind him—I could see his shoulders start to tremble with excitement. If I didn't do something, I was going to have an atomic bomb of fangirling explode in my kitchen, wiping out everything in its path.

Wrapping my arms tightly around his waist, I gently told him to take a few deep breaths. "Just real slow-like, okay?"

"Uh-huh…" I could feel his stomach expand and contract as he did what I asked. After a few, his tightly wound muscles relaxed. "I… I'm good," he finally said, his lower, normal tone returning.

"You sure?" I prodded, getting a nod in reply before cautiously letting go of him.

"Well, that was one of the weirder things I've ever seen," Zak said, looking over the rims of his dark sunglasses at my friend almost nervously.

"That's Alexy Page for you." The deep voice to answer belonged to my father, who, when I glanced back over my shoulder, had come out of the living room. He wasn't wearing a shirt, his hair was all over the place, and he stumbled with half-closed eyes. In truth, it surprised me he'd even paid attention to know what we were talking about, let alone be awake enough to form a viable response.

"Morning, Daddy," I greeted sweetly. Sure, I was being a kiss-up. But what girl wouldn't be, when her dad was about to let her leave for a week with a bunch of guys? Right.

"Mm-hm."

"Good morning, Mr. Rose." Nick stuck his hand out, but didn't get one back. Instead, my dad just stared at his hand like he'd never seen one before, making me laugh.

"I'll apologize now, guys. He's not the most coherent person in the mornings…"

I didn't think a single one of them heard me, and I watched amusedly as Aaron inhaled deeply. "Aw, man… That smells great…" He eyed the pan like he wished he could eat the whole thing himself.

"Then I guess it's good I made some for you guys, too." As I opened the oven, I gestured inside the where another large pan of the breakfast casserole was finishing up. I'd stuck it in to get the cheese brown, and, I had to admit, it smelled pretty dang good. My stomach agreed as it grumbled loudly, and I chuckled to myself.

Their faces lit up like Alexy's had a few minutes ago, and without needing further invitation, they snatched plates up off the counter and proceeded to serve themselves giant helpings of the ooey-gooey potato, sausage and egg breakfast that I levered (with some difficulty) to the stove top. I smiled to myself as I watched them shove forkfuls into their faces, but it immediately faded as the sad thought occurred to me that they probably didn't get home-cooked food very often. They were on the go so much during filming season that they didn't have time to get back home much. Suddenly, I felt very obliged to change that, at least for a week if I could. No matter if they _were_ celebrities, they were still people, and people deserved to be treated well. And I was positive these guys deserved a ton of good treatment after all they went through.

"Eat up, guys. There's plenty, trust me," I encouraged.

"Dis is grea'," Aaron mumbled around a mouth of food. "'ould 'ou do dis aw da 'ime?"

I laughed and nodded. "If you want."

"Jackie is the best cook ever. You guys're gonna eat like kings." Armin grinned and threw his arm around my shoulders. "Her Chinese is the bomb."

I blinked and looked up at him, then down at his arm. Hm. "Uh… Armin?"

"Wha—oh. S-sorry." My black-haired friend shrunk back, his face getting red. He hadn't even realized what he'd done. I felt bad for saying something as he scooted away from me and stared down at the floor, twiddling his thumbs and rubbing the toe of his shoe against the tile. I hadn't meant to make him embarrassed; he was my friend, and friends do that kind of stuff, right? Crap. Double crap. I realized I had _no freaking idea._ The way Zane and I acted was completely different than how I'd seen other girls and guys act around their friends. _So, then…_

By seven-thirty, three-quarters of the pan was empty and Zak, Nick, and Aaron were leaning on the counter, Aaron rubbing his midsection and reminding me very much of a young Santa.

"Still nothing," Natalie reported irritatedly, locking her cell phone again. "You'd think that they'd at least text or something, if they were going to be so late!"

"You know how Lys is. Forgets everything. He probably ran behind and was in a mad rush to go get Castiel," I answered.

"So what do these friends of yours look like?" Zak asked. As if on cue, the doorbell rang, and I all but skipped off to get it, a trail of snickering following me. Throwing open the door, a stupid grin plastered itself to my face at the sight of them.

"A bit eager, aren't we?" Red grumbled.

"You're the one that's late, buck-o," I pointed out. He shot a narrow-eyed look at his mismatched friend.

"This moron slept in too long."

With a slightly dramatic, exasperated sigh, Lysander ran a hand back through his silver hair and said, "Yes, it would seem I did. We still made it with some time to spare, didn't we? Remember, I had to drag _you_ out of bed." I let them in, where we paused in the main hall to talk.

It was ridiculously clear that the two hadn't been awake long, judging from their very disheveled appearances. Castiel had probably slept in the dark blue tee he was wearing under his usual leather jacket, and his jeans had seen some better days. At least he'd made the notion of brushing his hair, which, I noted amusedly, Lysander had not, as it stuck out at strange angles like it had the night after the party. When I blinked though, what I next saw both shocked and intrigued me. I gasped slightly, my eyes widening.

"What in God's name _are you wearing?_" There was no such thing as prying my eyes away from him. Okay, so maybe he was wearing something that most people wouldn't take a second glance at—or maybe they would, because it looked _good—_but on Lysander Ainsworth, it was unbelievable. (Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Natalie's head poke around the corner, and she went into a coughing fit as whatever she'd been drinking went down the wrong way.) The dark jeans were _perfect,_ especially with the black, studded belt_._ The gray long-sleeved shirt with a Shinedown emblem on the front and the way it fit his chest and stomach was _perfect. _My eyes traveled down to his feet. The only thing normal about this whole thing was his boots.

Shifting his weight, he clutched a dark sweatshirt to his middle, looking nervous. "Castiel insisted that _my_ clothes were impractical for walking around in the woods, among other parts of the investigation. I don't know about this—it's strange." What'd you know? Lysander, unsure of himself. Miracles did happen. Sadly, this one made me stupid in the head.

"_No!_ It looks great, dude!" I sputtered out before I could catch the words on my tongue. Immediately the heat rushed to my face. "Oh, crap, I just remembered! Gotta get my video camera!" I spun and shoved through the kitchen, trying to hide the darkening blush. What the hell did I just say? Okay, he normally looked fantastic. But now he looked like a freaking _god _among us _peasants. _No, wait. That was the normal as well.

I struggled to place the right words in my mind as I shuffled through the drawers of my oaken dresser for the black case that held the camera. _Perfect _and _stunning_ and _flawless _and _unearthly_ swam in the mix of adjectives, but even they weren't good enough, not nearly good enough. Blinking, my eyes shifted to the thesaurus on the edge of my desk across the room before I shook my head sharply. No, this wasn't the time for that. But wasn't it? _No!_ my brain screamed. _He's just a very gorgeous, handsome guy. Who happens to be extremely talented, with a good taste in music, fashion, art, literature…Gah! Stop it!_

A small scowl plastered itself to my face as I drug my feet down the hardwood stairs. What a mess… And I could feel a migraine coming on. Joy, exactly what I needed before possibly the most exciting week of my life. The _wonders_ (hah, not) of this god-forsaken world never ceased to hurl themselves at me full force, did they? First, my mom, then issues with finding a label thanks to a rival (more later), then Eric… Now this? Like I seriously needed _more_ drama in my life. A boyfriend or a crush had to be farther than the last thing on my list of stuff to even _consider_. But still…

Natalie smirked at me when I finally drifted back to the kitchen, an almost devious understanding lighting itself in her blue eyes. I all too easily allowed my lips to pull back over my teeth so I could hiss at her. Rolling her eyes, she leaned back into the corner of the counter and sipped her orange juice.

"What's the camera for? We've got all our filming equipment in the back of the van," Aaron said, frowning.

"Our manager wants us to start keeping a journal of everything. And I do mean _everything._ Trips to friends to high school drama to pranks to tours to—well, whatever else comes up. So, I thought, why not a Vlog? It could be fun!"

There was a moment of silence before Natalie shrugged. "I'm good with that."

"Yeah, and who knows? You might even catch some _ghosts_ on that dumb little thing," Castiel snickered. This was going to be a _long_ week, I decided.

* * *

NPOV

The chatter of Lysander's low, smooth voice mingling with Jackie's slightly higher-pitched but still warm one floated to my ears as my body told my barely functioning mind that it was Rise-and-Shine time. The noise, even as soft as it was, echoed plenty louder than normal inside my skull, beating the snot out of whatever brain matter still existed there. Damn it all, four-thirty was too early in the freaking morning for this girl to have to get up, just to meet her best friend and two stupid guys to go all the way to freaking _Maine._ It didn't make one damn bit of sense, but I was glad—or, sort of—that I'd at least been able to sleep a few more hours after we'd gotten out on the road. (The four of us eighteen year-olds had taken Jackie's jeep to follow behind the GA crew in their van. Billy Tolley and Jay Wasley were supposed to meet us at a stop in northern Jersey, but as far as I knew, they were already with Zak, Nick, and Aaron.)

Instead of opening my eyes to the harsh sunlight that I knew would follow, I buried my face farther into whatever it was I was laying on (which was surprisingly comfortable, given that I was stretched out in the back seat) and wrapped my fingers in a bit of cloth, pulling it over my eyes. Hm, what did Jackie throw back here? It smelled like cologne—expensive cologne at that—paired with an undeniably masculine undertone. Mm, very nice.

It took my still-slow mind much longer than it should have to process what was happening, but it had some help in the next thirty seconds as a conversation started around me.

"Is she still sleeping?" The very quiet voice was Lysander's. _How long was I out?_ I wondered. _Had to have been a while…_

"I think so…" It took every ounce of restraint that existed inside me to keep myself relaxed and unmoving, my breathing slow, as Castiel's deep tone came from above me. _Don't flip shit. Don't flip shit, dammit. _

"She's taken quite a liking to you," Jackie noted. "She won't even do that with Zane." _Oh my God, shut up Jackie. Please, shut up._ A wave of heat rushed up to my cheeks, and I was grateful for what I assumed was a leather jacket over my face.

There was no answer, only my 'pillow' shifting slightly before making a kind of grumbling noise in his throat. Should I get up? Did I dare to move?

"I'm serious. It… It's been a long time since she's trusted a guy other than him. You two are the first since…" In that moment, my brain shut down, unwilling to hear what I already knew would come after her deep breath. The pain I'd managed to shove to the murky depths of my soul licked up in my chest, searing everything with a vengeance. And she hadn't even started talking yet. No, she wouldn't dare, would she? We promised we'd never talk about it. All at once, I felt the agony of the memories I'd rather lose snap to the forefront of my mind, replaying themselves like a movie.

The town of Black Creek North Carolina was my home; it was nestled in the relatively small county of Madison, about two hours from Nags Head. The land around there was mostly orchards and mountains, and it seemed extremely secluded from the bustling cities just over the ridge. People there were strong, patient, and hardworking, never giving up a day for anything more than what they absolutely wanted out of life. I liked to think living there was what had given me my drive (and probably my love of sarcasm, with some of the friends I'd had.) I'd gone from a tiny girl with pigtails and frilly pink dresses that squealed at everything, to a confused, brace-faced pre-teen with no idea what to do with herself, and finally into what my grandfather described as 'a beautiful, headstrong young lady with a big heart, a bigger mouth, and a thirst for the freedom that only soaring above the crowds with a wide grin and a rebel tongue could bring me.'

I'd never really known my parents, since they'd died in a car crash when I was barely two, and my dad's parents had taken me in. There was always food on the table and I could pretty much do whatever shopping I wanted. They had raised me to be polite and proper, always saying to 'sit up straight' and 'always speak like a lady.' Sadly, once I'd turned twelve and grew a mind of my own, that all went out the window. As an only child, though, my Grandpa had sort of been okay with that, teaching me to balance my girliness and my inner rebel with a love for adrenaline. Leave it to the sixty year-old man to show his granddaughter how to ride a motorcycle at age thirteen without a second thought. I'd had a good childhood, though, and I was thankful for that.

I'd gone to normal school then, and had a close circle of friends that I knew I could trust with anything. Austin was my best guy friend in the world; I could remember him being around since we were three years-old, running through the horse barn out behind his house and shoving each other into the hay bales, giggling hysterically before scrambling out the creaky door again. He was always tall and lanky, with an ever-dark tan and the brightest green eyes to go with the gorgeous, slightly curly chocolate locks that framed his face. His smile was brighter than Times Square on New Year's, and he had the uncanniest knack for making people laugh when they were down. He was possibly the best person I had ever met, and I missed him dearly. No matter what was going on, if I called, he came when I needed him. I couldn't count how many times he had been my shoulder to cry on, my faith to fall back on. And for whatever miraculous reason, he had needed me too.

Then there was Sabrina, who I had always called Bree. Bree was a gymnast, very small and fast, but stronger than a freaking mule, and just about as stubborn. She was the only girl who ever scared me. However, she was an awful cook, and even burned water a few times. But she was a good kid too: funny, smart, athletic… Other than her inability in the kitchen, she was perfect. She was the sister I never had; I told her everything, and more than once she almost knocked a bitch's front teeth out for hurling snide remarks at me. I loved that girl to death, but in truth, she and Austin were the only two besides my grandparents that had kept me there as long as I had been.

In the middle of my eighth grade year of middle school, a small group of students had transferred in from across the state. Among them was the boy I had come to hate so dearly: Michael Bradley.

The first time I'd met him, he'd run into me and knocked my chicken soup off my tray into my gut… where it had promptly soaked straight through my white shirt. He'd been such a gentleman about it though, quickly escorting me to the bathroom to help me clean up and loaning me his basketball jersey to wear. I'd taken him to be some kind of god. He was the type that girls swooned over for being in Hollywood romances, the gorgeous ex, the perfect heartbreak, the surfer guy on the beach. Wavy, flowing black hair and indescribable violet eyes. I'd been instantly stricken, following him around everywhere, trying to get him to notice me. All the rumors going around about his not-so-good reputation with the law fell dead on my ears—I was already in too deep to be pulled out. The tide was over my head, and I was drowning myself in want of the possibility that someone like that existed within my reach.

I hadn't even known that much about him, but like a gift from above, he'd miraculously asked me out. It was this whole big romantic thing—asking me to our eighth grade formal like it was Prom or something (which for us, it sort of was) after he got down on one knee with a bouquet of a dozen red roses and the stupidest grin plastered to his face. God, I'd loved that face. It hadn't matter how spontaneous the whole thing was, or that the muttering of the people I had once called my friends meant that they didn't approve. Looking back, I supposed it was just because I was pretty and, in his eyes, extremely screwable. More than once he proved that what he really wanted was sex. He used me when and where he wanted, and I was only too happy to oblige. Being with him made me popular; I got invited to parties, the games, the dances that most kids my age could only hope for. Of course, I deep down, I knew it was only due to the fact that he declared us 'exclusive.' At the time I hadn't minded, deluding myself into thinking he loved me, so it didn't matter what I was really feeling, only what I wanted to feel. And I had wanted to feel like someone actually loved me.

It didn't take very long, though for me to start seeing the very _real_ things that he and his gang were doing. They drank. They smoked pot. They had illegal parties. They stole cars and money and liquor from the stores. They snuck into bars with fake ID's, and came out only to have sex with the sluts they picked up while they were there. More than once, Michael had pushed me aside for one of them, but I didn't care. I couldn't take losing the only person that loved me.

It was almost a nine months before they got caught doing anything, and by then, I had actually had my doubts: doubts about what he really wanted from me and what they were really doing all those times he'd told me 'not to worry my pretty little head.' One time, one of his friends—David—got caught stealing a six-pack from the local gas-station and got arrested. Michael was irrational when he was furious, and he was absolutely livid when he found out, but not with David, but with the police. _What right did they have to say they couldn't drink?_ he said. _Oh, they'll pay for this,_ he said. _I'll make sure of that._ That was the first time I'd been scared of him. The fire engulfed him, and he only buried himself farther into it. He became so reckless that even the rest of his gang stopped following him, worried about what he could be getting himself into…

The final straw was the night of September 15, just into our freshman year of high school. For weeks before that, Michael had been storming around his house, muttering thoughts of his revenge out loud but to himself. Somehow I knew I was going to be involved in this one way or another, and that drove me farther and farther away from him. It didn't help one iota. I was in, and there was no way in hell I was getting out. When the text came, I knew I was done for.

**To: Natalie **

**Hey babes meet me out behind the old general store**

**To: Michael**

**Was that a question? **

**To: Natalie**

**No it wasnt now get tf out here b4 I beat ur stupid ass**

I'd been terrified. If all else had failed, he'd never threatened me.

**To: Michael**

**Alright I'll be out there in 15 min.**

**To: Natalie**

**Make it 10 babes**

And back to the normal affection?

Everything after that… Well, there wasn't much. I remembered driving out to where he'd said and seeing flickers of light starting behind the building. That was the only clear part of the memory—the fire. I'd frozen as it slowly went up in flames before my eyes, feeling the heat lick against my skin, even from thirty feet away. The only thing I could think was, _Oh my god, Michael, what have you done?_ Vaguely I recalled lips brushing my cheek and then disappearing to be replaced by the searing heat of the flames.

The police and firemen had arrived soon after that, but they were unable to save what was a collapsing region of wooden beams and tresses, only to keep the destruction from spreading. I was blurrily shoved into the back of a squad car, and became a suspect as the only person at the scene. My grandparents couldn't vouch for me since they were family, and nothing my friends said in my defense made any difference. That was, until they checked my phone records.

As it turned out, the detectives on the police force had been able to trace back Michael's phone records after they analyzed the threatening messages he'd sent me. Said it was one of the luckiest, most random breaks they'd ever had; apparently around the same time, he'd been talking to a few other guys about the plan he'd had to burn the place to the ground. They'd come quietly and squealed to the authorities soon after the conversations had come into question, and all charges against them had been dropped. Which left Michael as the person solely at fault and guilty for this.

And I'll never forget the pain of betrayal I caught in his eyes as he screamed expletives at me at the top of his lungs as they dragged him from his house.

\Jackie's version of what I had told her ended around the time his violet eyes squeezed shut as his voice was cut off behind a car door in my mind. What brought me back o reality was the soft whimper that I was unable to keep behind my lips and the gentle hand as it stroked my hair.

"So… Her ex is a convicted criminal." Castiel's voice was quiet and cold, much harder than his fingers. He almost sounded… scornful.

"Yeah… Oh, look. Aaron's waving out the window. We must be getting close to the town," Jackie said, brightening her voice.

"Should I wake her up?"

"No, leave her be until we get to the hotel."

A long silence followed, and in the midst of it, a barely audible murmur came from right above me, so close I could feel the whoosh of warm breath on my face. "Guess we've both got our histories, Little Girl."

* * *

**Thorn: Blah, blah, blah, hate me all you want! I know I've been slow updating, but I'm awfully busy right now since it's so close to the end of the school year. My last day is June 12, so after that (with the exception of the week of the fourth of July) I'm yours for two and a half months! I can't guarantee another chapter before then, but I'm going to work my very hardest! Now, about this chapter: don't you worry your pretty little heads, I'm not going to bring in the whole 'evil-ex-is-going-to-try-to-win-her-heart-back' concept. Michael was just a jerk that gave her a reason to leave and a reason not to trust people as easily as she'd like. She made herself wipe her slate clean when she moved to Jersey, and that's that. I'd keep Austin and Bree in the backs of your minds, though… for ****_very_**** later. **

**Now, also! I know, I know. I'm kind of obsessed with Ghost Adventures too, so I'm doing a mini-crossover that actually holds value inside this fic. It will be roughly three or four more chapters, with next chapter being the first lockdown chapter. Exciting! Did you like this little look inside Natalie? No? I'd love to hear what you think. After all, reviews make the world go round, and I'll just love you for it! Please? Thanks! **

**P.S. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak!**


	11. Adding to the Noise

**Thorn: So… Below is a list of "Paranormal Equipment" I may use (though maybe not all of it, but just for safety.) I'll post it at the top of both lockdown chapters for you guys to reference if you need to. Name of the chapter is **_**Adding to the Noise **_**by **_**Switchfoot. **_**There's also a lot of dialogue in this chapter, as will be with the second lockdown as well. I apologize, but it's quite necessary.**

**Mel-meter: (Gives simultaneous EMF (electromagnetic frequency, which ghosts are said to emit) and temperature readings)**

**EMF detector (gives readout of the fields surrounding the device by using a needle inside the box)**

**Digital recorder (records electronic voice phenomena (EVP) or the voices of ghosts)**

**Spirit-box (an adjustable frequency sweep device with "white noise" distributed between steps)**

**Electromagnetic (EM) pump (gives off an electromagnetic field, which ghosts are said to be able to use to manifest)**

**Video Ovilus (a set of headphones attached to a phonetic generator with a database of words built in. Using their energy, spirits can manipulate the device to read out words, which consumes less energy than to speak out to the Digital recorder.)**

**Motion detectors**

**No-contact thermometers**

**Infrared flashlights**

**Infrared cameras**

**Digital (normal) cameras**

**Full-spectrum cameras (see all wave-lengths of light, and allows recording without IR contamination)**

**E-Field pods (Detect the electric field that surrounds a static charge and lights up/alarms when a change occurs)**

* * *

JPOV

**December 3**

**8:07 p.m.**

**Recording 1**

"_Jackie's Vlog!" I sang happily. "Hey, guys! So Natalie and I are here, taping from Randolph, Maine!" I quickly adjusted the camera to see behind me as well. Thank God for rotatable screens. _

"_Hiya, guys." I caught her wave over my left shoulder and grin widely, her blue eyes shining in excitement. And all of this was so very thrilling indeed. Our manager Alan had even asked us to keep a video log (hence Vlog) of everything on this trip, but personally, I planned to continue it even after, to keep something else together with the thousands of pictures that I would most definitely be accumulating, both from this excursion and the rest of high school._

"_So why are we here in Randolph, you ask? Why, we're on a mission, you could say. A mission to hunt for the creepy, night-crawling, and demonic. We are on a hunt for the paranormal." I made my voice low and eerie, earning a laugh from my blonde friend._

"_Co-hosting with us!" Aaron added from the reception desk as he asked the secretary for our room keys. I turned the lens to him slowly. _

"_That's Aaron Goodwin, the tech-guy for Ghost Adventures! Cool, huh? Nick and Zak are around here somewhere, too. Zak probably went to check out the shower… You know, to make sure it won't ruin his hair!" Natalie stifled a snicker by biting her knuckles. "Oh, and Castiel Jones and Lysander Ainsworth decided to join us on our journey as well. Say hi to the fans, guys!" Panning towards them, I had to suppress a giggle. While the silver-haired male shyly waved, the redhead simply glowered at me. "Aw, don't mind him, guys. I think someone pissed in his Cheerios this morning." Back to me. "Anyway, since it's so late, we're gonna wait to do some exploring and interviewing 'til in the morning. Zak said it would be useless to try now, since Aaron's lack of directional sense made us three hours behind." A muffled and irritated objection came from over my shoulder, and once again, I had to refrain from allowing my amusement to vocalize itself. "I think it's time to get some sleep. Eight hours is a long drive when it's only you behind the wheel. Jackie out."_

* * *

The morning after our arrival found me up before dawn, around six o'clock. No chance the sun was coming up for a few hours, but I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep and I knew it. Instead, I figured a hot shower would do me good, and I drug my feet to the bathroom, throwing my duffel bag on the sink and towels on the toilet. When my eyes met the mirror, I chuckled softly to myself. My hair stuck out at awkward angles in a big, tangled mess, and my eyes were heavy with sleep. Faint dark circles had formed under them (nothing a bit of concealer wouldn't fix, though) and, as I yawned and stretched, the straps of my nightgown slipped from my shoulders, the fabric shifting to reveal my stomach, along with a bit of my back tattoo that ran over my left side.

I'd gotten it for my mom after she'd passed, with my dad's permission. The image was one I had drawn myself of a pale gray dove wrapped in a swath of violet ribbon and rose vines; the body of the bird was against my spine at the small of my back, the wings stretching out and slightly up so that the tips wrapped ever so lightly around my ribs. It had taken three six-hour sessions to finish the whole thing, with some of the intricate detail I'd formed on the dove itself, right down to the small feathers that bushed out at the base of its wings and the darkening of color around its beak. It had hurt like hell, but to have a piece of my mom on my body was worth every second of pain I'd endured to get it there.

With a soft sigh, I stripped and climbed into the shower. The hot water was exactly what I needed to relax my tired muscles from the long car trip the day before. As it ran down over my face, I let out a nervous breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Maybe this whole thing had made me _slightly_ anxious. Sure, I'd performed in front of large crowds, but even so, our band still wasn't mega-famous yet. Meeting three of my idols and filming a show that got broadcasted to about a billion fans every week was definitely enough to get my blood pumping. Suddenly I wasn't so sure I could do this. Had I made a mistake in coming? Maybe Zane had been right… Maybe I didn't have any business getting myself into something like this. I was a musician, not an investigator like Zak and Nick. I'd only ever dealt with the kind of equipment they used one time, and that was for a birthday party I'd gone to a couple years back. Okay, so I knew what everything was, from the Mel-meter to the Digital Recorder and the Spirit Box, but to be expected to use it was a different story… I was almost positive I'd just break something expensive.

The scent of my coconut shampoo and lavender mingled and had an immediate calming effect on me. I just had to tell myself that they wouldn't have invited us if they didn't want us here or if they weren't sure we could handle it. _I've really gotta stop worrying so much. Zak knows what he's doing… We don't have anything to worry about._

Twenty minutes later found me sitting on the toilet, one towel in my hair and one around my body as I painted my toenails a brilliant shade of blue, much the same color as the under-layer of my hair. It didn't matter that no one would see them—I needed something to do for the next few minutes since I was almost positive no one was up. Spreading my toes, I admired my handiwork; it wasn't perfect, but it was good enough to have killed time—something I always seemed to have too much of.

It was going to be cold today, just like Zane had said. Thirty-one freaking degrees for the high. And we were going to be out in the woods tonight. Lovely. I barely owned anything made for fall, let alone winter. It was my least favorite season, and I tended to try and avoid being outside this time of year. Okay, my style was slightly impractical, so what? I'd actually had to go buy some jeans, thermal underwear (yes, I admit it) and heavy long-sleeved shirts. Much to my pleasant surprise, the GA crew had had sweatshirts made up for the four of us joining them, which was great news for me, because I would take what I could get to stay warm.

I slipped into my clothes and made my way out to the kitchen. I had to hand it to the guys, they knew how to pick hotels with style. Every room was huge, more like an apartment than a normal hotel room. There was the bedroom with a queen-sized mattress, a dark wooden dresser, and heavy chest at the end of the bed; the bathroom had a gigantic porcelain tub _and_ a shower; the living room had two long, leather couches arranged in an _L_ shape with an ottoman, a lazy boy armchair, and a ninety inch widescreen mounted to the wall; the fridge and pantry were well-stocked. This was some high-class joint here. It was crazy.

Amazingly, Natalie and I hadn't been made to share a room, so I was alone for our time in this hotel. And even though I would never admit it, the place was too big for me alone. From the moment I'd set foot inside, the cold blanket that was loneliness enveloped me. I hated being alone more than anything. Granted, Castiel and Lysander were in the room to my left, Zak in the room to my right, so both were well within calling distance. (It was sweet how Zak always insisted on protecting us females, sticking himself between mine and Natalie's rooms in case of emergency. Whoever he ended up with was going to be well taken care of.) As I unplugged my cell, I checked the screen. It was still only quarter to seven… Even if Nick had said we should leave for interviews by nine, I doubted anyone was actually—

A soft knock on my door startled me. "Come in!" My voice came out slightly higher than I meant it to, and I cleared my throat. When it opened, Lysander's silver head poked around it sheepishly. Apparently he'd been awake and moving for a while, because instead of the drowsiness that I had noticed in my eyes, his emerald and gold ones were bright and alert. As I always did, I had to avert my eyes to avoid staring at the strange beauty that was Lysander Ainsworth.

"I didn't think you would be up," he admitted, closing the door behind him and moving over to the kitchen island.

"Nah, I got up at six. Couldn't sleep anymore," I murmured with a small smile, sticking my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt.

He eyed my attire amusedly, a hint of a smile playing around his lips. "Are you cold?"

"Not right this second, I'm not. But I hate winter," I grumbled, hugging myself. "Anything cold and wet, actually."

"If your normal clothing wasn't so thin, you might be more used to it." His words were a thin barrier to the soft chuckles that he tried to stifle in his throat, and I scowled briefly.

"Yeah, you can talk! You and your freaking _wool_ suits need to shut up. My clothes are impractical in winter and yours don't work for summer. So there, we're even."

"I wasn't aware it was a competition," he said simply. "They're not wool, in any case. Leigh hates wool, he says it makes him itch. And besides, these aren't my normal clothes, are they?" _Lysander? Sarcasm?_ A stupid grin plastered itself to my face, eliminating the irritation from only moments before. This was an extremely rare moment, for sure. If there was one thing I had learned about this boy, it was that he was always a polite gentleman. Seeing a different side of him—one that _would _joke with me—well, that made me happy. Maybe we'd be good friends yet. (What he said was true though. To be honest, it wasn't like he had much room to talk; he was just as heavily dressed as I was, but I didn't bring it up.)

The scent of biscuits and sausage drifted to my nose and I inhaled slowly, making my impatient stomach rumble loudly. I hadn't eaten anything since six o'clock last night, and just the p_rospect_ of food made me want to groan. As it was, a small whimper floated past my lips before I could stop it. "You bought breakfast…?" I asked, my eyes dropping to the paper bag in his hand.

"Zak and Nick went out to McDonalds a little while ago. I figured the rest of us would appreciate some food too, so I got you a sausage and egg McMuffin." He smiled widely as he sat it on the counter, then a large cup next to it. "And coffee, since you seem to like it so much." It was true that since the weather had cooled down, I'd made a habit of stopping at a café down the road from the school every morning to fill up my thermos. Looking back, as obvious as it had been, I hadn't thought anyone would actually notice how susceptible to the cold I was.

"You are a freaking _god,_" I told him, snatching it up and digging the sandwich out. That was the only hasty movement I dared make around him, though. If I wasn't proper, it felt like I was a gross hobo or something. Not that I was like Natalie—who just shoved the food in her face and didn't give a crap what other people thought—just that sometimes, when I was really hungry, I had to remind myself to be polite. Gah, me and my manners.

"You're quite welcome," he murmured after a moment. Allowing myself a glance up through my lashes, I thought I caught his cheeks stained light pink before he turned and paced to the window opposite me. _What on Earth would he have to blush about?_ Pausing mid-chew, I thought for one second, almost gagging in embarrassment the next. _Oh, _shit._ Did I really just tell him he was a god? Well, that's great, Jackie. It probably sounded like you were hitting on him or something,_ I scolded myself. _He doesn't feel that way and you know it. That kind of stuff is trivial to him, right? Besides, he's got girls practically ready to wait on him hand-and-foot back at school. He's probably told himself never to date because of those morons. _Still… They were probably justified in their actions. All joking aside, the guy was drop-dead _gorgeous._ And talented. And smart. And—oh, no. I wasn't going to start with that again. _Back to eating, girl, before you get yourself into trouble._

Throwing the bag in the trash and licking my fingers clean, I moved over to the window beside him. The sky was still dark, but I could see a thick blanket of low clouds stretching as far as the mountains in the distance. I shivered. Rain was the last thing I needed right now…

"Don't worry too much. If it starts pouring, we can always find a little café to huddle up in to wait out the storm."

I looked up at him in surprise. "Y-yeah, I guess so." Blinking, I added, "That only works during the day though. If it rains tonight during the lockdown, we're going to be out in the middle of nowhere in the woods."

His only response was a small frown, and I let my mind wander. What was this going to be like? _Dangerous, probably._ This wasn't an easy thing for anyone to do, even seasoned professionals like the crew. People could get hurt. Numerous times, I'd seen the guys get serious cuts and bruises, some of which they'd had to go to the hospital for. They'd been scratched and shoved, had things thrown at them by malevolent spirits that didn't appreciate their meddling, or just outright hated them. Zak was a common target with all the provoking he did. Strangely, that part worried me, but not as much as other things. None of those physical wounds had left a mark after they'd healed. I was far more concerned about the emotional scars that came with this work.

Possessions scared the shit out of me. I'll be downright blunt; it was the only thing I wasn't sure I could handle if it came along. The host—the person possessed by the spirit—became unpredictable in what they said and did. They could lash out physically or verbally at those that were actually their friends. They were uncontrollable. Dark energies are harmful to the body as well; the sheer fact of having that kind of spirit inside you and not being able to get it out was what terrified me the most. _Keep your guard up. Don't give them a split second opening in your mind._ Those were the words GA had to live by.

Eager to rid myself of such thoughts, I asked, "Should we go? It's seven-thirty now, and I'm sure Aaron will probably want to get mics on us or something."

Lysander himself seemed to be pulled out of a stupor, dropping his gaze from the window to stare at me for a moment. Something changed in his eyes almost immediately, and he answered, "Yeah, that's a good idea. We should go see if Castiel and Natalie are awake yet."

I followed him out the door, shrugging my shoulders at the draft coming from the stairs (and to try and leave my fears in that room) as I locked the door behind us. Right up the hall, Zak was throwing keys in his pocket as he made his way to us, his jeans swishing as he walked, and he stretched his long, sweatshirt covered arms over his head. The guy was a dark god. That had to be it. He could've been wearing anything or nothing, and he still would've easily been the sexiest guy within the next three hundred miles.

"Good morning," I greeted him, a smile growing on my face when I saw him. I may or may not have had a small, quite large crush on this guy. (Yeah, I realize that made no sense. It wasn't supposed to…) He was just the distraction I needed, definitely.

"Morning, Jackie." The way my chest heated when he said my name had me fighting off a round of giggles. "Are your friends up yet?" He paused across from me, leaning on the wall by a lantern hanging there. (It was simply part of the décor—there were bulbs in the ceiling covered by a thin layer of plastic that turned their light a calming shade of blue.)

"I don't think so, just Lysander. We were about to go drag them out of bed, actually." He nodded. "We'll meet you downstairs in an hour or so, alright?"

"Don't take too long." The grin he offered me had my heart doing back flips in my chest, and it set my inner fangirl's world on fire. The way his dark eyes lit up made me want to squeal until my throat was raw. As it was, I was barely thinking as I turned and skipped my way to the next door and pounded on it.

"_Natalie! Wake up, stupid! We've gotta get going!_" Snickering came from behind me as I yelled, closer than expected, and I jumped slightly.

"Well, that's a little rude, don't you think?" That voice was the last thing I wanted to hear and the first thing to drag me down from my momentary buzz.

"Shut up, Jones. It's how she's told me to wake her up since forever. She doesn't answer any other way," I replied, and edge to my voice as it glanced back over my shoulder at him.

The redhead feigned hurt, holding his hand over his heart and stumbling back a few steps. "What _ever_ did I do to deserve that kind of tone? I'm pained, Jacquelyn, pained."

Snorting, I rolled my eyes at him. "Be lucky that's all you got, scaring me like that." I paused to wag a finger at him. "I'd be on your best behavior, kiddies. Nobody that has ever messed with a girl on this show makes it out without a god-awful prank. Aaron doesn't like it when you screw with a lady."

As if on cue, the bulky GA crewmember strutted around the corner. Almost immediately, though, he skidded to a halt, eyebrows rising as he assessed the sight before him. "Is there a problem here?"

"Not yet, Mr. Goodwin," I said sweetly, earning an eye roll from him. I knew full good and well he hated that, since it made him feel old, but he got that I was just picking on him, at least. "Just that Castiel scared me."

Aaron turned his gaze to the male behind me. "Watch yourself, kid." And he meant it, too.

Around that time, the door in front of me opened, revealing a sleepy-eyed, disheveled Natalie. "Wha's up?" she forced through a yawn. "Was 'bout to get up…. Swear…"

"That's good I guess," I answered doubtfully. If there was anything my best friend was good for, it was oversleeping. "Well, c'mon then. Go get dressed and we can meet the guys in the lobby."

* * *

By three that afternoon, we'd managed to interview six different townspeople and browse around the Randolph Library for a couple hours in search of and background we could find on the forest. Zak had filmed the location introduction as we went by the different places, much to my surprise. When I'd asked him why (since I'd always assumed they did it post-lockdown, during the editing portion of episode creation), he'd explained that it was better to do it while everything was entirely fresh, for full effect.

"_Most of the residents living in Randolph, __Maine__ know that the deadly calm of the night in the nearby forest can appear unpretentious at best, but can turn into a most unsettling atmosphere when the paranormal activity interrupts the tranquility of the moment. This is especially magnified at night when the haunted woods appear to have trees with supernatural powers that exhibit large gnarled limbs that openly bend downward, almost as if reaching out to touch those unsuspecting souls who dare to walk on the dark path below the oversized plants with the massive elongated trunks. By day the charming town of Randolph, Maine, incorporated in 1887, with a population of less than 2,000, is considered to be a quiet community that just happens to have the largest amount of paranormal activity in central Maine that centered in and around the ghost infested woods that can be found just beyond the entrance of the Narrow Gauge Rail Trail._

"_During the 1800s the trail was a portal of transportation for the trains that ran back and forth on an extensive set of railroad tracks that belonged to the Kennebec Central Railroad that ran from Randolph, Maine across the Kennebec River to transport American Civil War veterans to their home at the Togus facility. Today a walking path leading deep into the forest has taken the place of where the old tracks would have once been a prominent fixture that once wound through the haunted forest. A sparkling stream runs along the path and is often the focal point at night where orbs are most often witnessed floating around in the woods, just above the water in mid-air. Disembodied voices have been associated with the stream, mostly when just passing by, but many people admit that they have heard someone calling out to them, just barely above the mesmerizing lull of the flowing stream._

"_By day the forest leans to a more peaceful existence and the sounds of nature add to the calming effect, but once the dark has settled in and a heavy mist permeates the air it is hard to ignore the sounds that echo from nothing in particular that can be pinpointed as the source. Hidden secrets from those that once lived and traveled through the woods can be detected in the thick brush and foliage when one looks close enough. Debris and rusted out abandoned cars from long ago have made a permanent home deep within the woods overrun with greenery and aged trees. Unidentifiable ambient noises, dark shadows, orbs, flashes of light, footsteps and the undeniable feeling of dread mixed with bone chilling fog that becomes somewhat thicker the deeper you walk... Located in the heart of the woods is a bug infested murky swamp that gives off the stench of death when you attempt to get too close to the spongy and uninviting wetland; reminding those who pass through that these haunted woods contain something unexplained and sometimes those things are better off left alone._

"_During the spring of 2012 the Maine Ghost Hunters thoroughly investigated the forest in an effort to establish what is really behind the paranormal chaos that effuses out of the woods when the sun goes down. Various people from skeptics to sensitive have worked tirelessly to either prove or dispel the notion that the Randolph woods are haunted once and for all. Ghost hunting equipment, including a ghost box, electronic voice phenomenon, infrared cameras, EMF detection meter and __digital cameras__were used to prove the existence of paranormal activity. Some locals believe that the ghost in the woods is none other than bicycle Eddie whose spirit attempts to translate the tragic events to those who will listen. The unclear events that occurred during a fall night left the town buzzing with questions concerning a murder, suicide and a missing body that is rumored to be buried deep within the interior of the woods. The less then proper burial has left a madder-than-hell ghost searching for answers as he screams out to those passing by and listening for it."_

* * *

**December 4**

**5:24 p.m.**

**Recording 4**

"_This is insane, waiting like this." I chewed on my lip as I looked at the camera. "Apparently we've got to wait for the police to escort us out to the woods for our lockdown… Since no one is actually allowed out there at night. It's kind of scary actually. I've got some downtime at the moment—Zak said it's best to try and get some sleep since we'll be out until like 5 a.m. tomorrow. I can't sleep though. Not with all these stories running through my head…_

"_There was one guy—everyone just calls him Bicycle Eddie now. The people we interviewed got really nervous when we brought him up. The most we could get out of them was that it was a night in the fall that ended in murder, a suicide, and a body buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in the woods." I shivered. "That's a breeding ground for dark shit—an unresolved death and a murder? It's no wonder the kinds of experiences that have come out of these woods haven't been pleasant at all."_

* * *

The safety of the town drifted past the passenger-side backseat window of the Ghost Adventures van on our way out to the forest. Sirens blared in front of and behind us, and that didn't help my rising anxiety.

"Aren't you guys excited? This is so exciting! We're going on a real lockdown!" Natalie, on the other hand, was bouncing wildly in her seat, eyes wide and bright.

Castiel grunted and elbowed her, earning a point glare. "Calm down. I don't understand what you're so bouncy for. This whole thing is the biggest load of shit I've heard in my entire life."

Right away, of course, Castiel had made it known that he thought the paranormal didn't exist. _You're talking about a bunch of fucking _dead people_ coming back able to speak and touch and understand? _he'd snorted. _What do you take me for?_

"That's what we like to hear," Zak said from the driver's seat. "Skeptics are the best kinds of people to have on a lockdown."

Once again, Castiel snorted. "Yeah, okay."

"So, if you're not here for the ghosts, why _did_ you come?" Nick prompted.

The redhead offered no response, turning his head to the window. My eyebrows furrowed. Why _had_ he come along?

Unloading the equipment took a good hour; by the time we got base-camp set up for Billy and Jay near the van, the forest was already pitch-black. Randolph Forest covered thousands of acres; there was no way we could cover it all, even in a week. Instead, they'd chosen a plot of land (about forty acres in total) that encompassed the train cars, the walking path where the tracks had originally been, and parts of both the stream and the swamp. X-cams were set up at the entrance of the cars, about a quarter mile from base camp on the trail, and o the bank of the stream. It was a good set-up, with all the vital points in view from one location.

"If we follow the path, we can break off around here—" Nick pointed at the map across the table at the tent, "To get to the three prime spots off the path. If we split into groups—since it's a bad idea to be in the woods alone at night—and agree to spend an hour at the first site we choose, we should be able to all spend some time at each place."

"I'll go with Nick!" I volunteered right away, winking at Natalie, who, grinning, grabbed Castiel by the arm and exclaimed,

"Then we'll go with Zak!" If anyone could wipe that stupid scowl off Red's face, it would be Zak Bagans. The two of them were in for on interesting night.

"I guess that leaves me with Aaron," Lysander added.

Nodding, the tech-manager picked up two cameras, handing one to Castiel and one to me. "We've got the night-vision ones that we always use—the three of us carry those. These are—"

"Full spectrum!" Natalie and I sang. "We know."

A moment of silence passed around the group as the guys looked at each other. Behind me, Billy coughed out the word 'geeks,' and I forced a laugh as he stood to distribute the rest of the equipment: EVP recorders, Mel-meters, spirit boxes, and E-field pods; upon my request, though, Zak hesitantly handed the Video Ovilus to me as well. I loved the thing—it was fascinating to me how spirits could manipulate their energy to choose words from the database.

Unable to afford losing more time, we set off into the woods, the only lights coming from the LCD screens of the cameras and the small red ones of the recorders. The stillness inside made me uneasy; it seemed as though there should have at least been a soft breeze to shuffle the leaves on the ground or to swish the ferns and the grass; why was there no scratching sounds of little animals, rustling sounds of bigger ones, howling of wolves, growling of bears, hissing of wildcats? Something, anything to make the forest seem more alive. But no, nothing.

The dim light of the moon that peeked through the still-thick clouds shone down on the treetops, the branches casting eerie shadows over the path, letting my mind play tricks on me as it told me there was silent movement in the depths of the trees. Darkness danced around my boots, inviting me to follow it in its triumphant ballet, celebrating its conquer of the light. Ferns on the edge of the path brushed my legs like small hands reaching out to grab me and pull me into them. I tried to focus on the camera screen, at the feet of the person in front of me. I wasn't sure who it was at that point, and I couldn't have cared less. They were something to follow, something to focus on, other than the cold seeping through my clothes and into my skin. All of a sudden, every step felt like a mile, draining my energy.

"We'll split up here!" I heard Zak call. "This is the bend in the tracks. Aaron, you guys go to the stream. Nick, you guys head to the train cars. I want to check out the swamp first." His voice sounded distant and fuzzy, like listening to someone speaking above water when you're ten feet under. It took Nick shaking my shoulder to get me to follow him.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Mmhm," was the only response I could offer him.

"If something's up, you've gotta tell me," he said sternly. "It's our responsibility to keep you guys safe."

"Really, I'm alright. Just a bit cold," I tried. "I'll be fine. Let's just get out there as soon as possible and start recording." The deeper we went into the woods, the less moonlight came through the trees. I remembered from our trek earlier today that the cars were in a sort-of clearing, so the woods _did_ open up farther in. But at the moment, it seemed like there was never going to be a way out… A faint howling left me shivering worse, and Nick threw his camera-free arm around my shoulders.

"It's okay. Just a wolf, and it's miles away. The mountains carry the sound," he tried to soothe me before losing the brief contact and stepping away again.

Not knowing what else to do, I nodded before coming to a halt at the edge of the woods. No—the edge of the clearing. Moonlight poured in through the tops of the trees; it was the first natural light I had seen in a while, with the forest sucking the brightness out of everything. The branches here were leafless—not like the rest of the evergreens that made up this area. At least I could see now to watch where I was putting my feet. The muscles in my legs were burning from the long trek, and I leaned on my left arm against the trunk of a nearby tree.

The two train cars were across the lot, solid black masses against a moonlight spotted background. As far as I could tell, one was still upright while the other either dipped slightly into the ground or had a corner missing, possibly from the crash that had rendered them useless and unable to be rescued from the depths of the forest. Interestingly enough, the tracks had seemed to disappear to this part of the land afterward, though no company ever admitted to removing them.

My breath hitched in my throat as a cold blast of air struck my face, much colder than before. My left cheek stung and I gasped, my hand flying up to my face in shock.

"What's wrong?" Nick whispered, apparently turning towards me since the camera screen's light spun away from me.

"My cheek…" I mumbled stupidly, gingerly moving my hand as he switched on a small flashlight that had been clipped to his belt.

"_Oh my god._" He cleared his throat before speaking louder for the camera and moving the lens closer to me. "Jackie, you've got finger marks—no, _claw_ marks—! This…"

Anger welled up inside me, red hot like the coals in the bottom of a fire. What fucking _right_ did a goddamn spirit that had no idea who the hell I was have to _slap _me? The sound that came from my throat next was a vicious snarl, and my entire body began to tremble. Suddenly, the chill of the December night didn't make a difference. I felt furious. I felt defiled. I felt _powerful._

"Jackie, calm down! If you get worked up—"

And who was this moron, telling me to _calm down? _A spirit had just assaulted me and he was telling me to _calm down?_ The heat inside me rose about a thousand degrees, and the shaking in my limbs worsened, almost to the point of unbalancing me. "You shut up, Groff!" I spun, jabbing my finger at him as I roared a string of curses in his direction. "What the hell makes you think you can tell me what to fucking do just because you're a hotshot holding that camera?" Another surge of energy gave me the willpower to seriously wound him with the knife I—dammit, where was my knife? I'd just had it, right before we'd gotten here! I'd cut the rope with it to tie the shaft of the water pipe!

Nick stepped toward me, reaching out with his free hand and making fluid waving motions for me to move to him. Another snarl flew past my lips and my hands balled into tight fists. What was with this guy? Acting like he owned me—no, I was going to own him. He was going to beg for his life for this! Oh, he would beg alright—just like all those other people who hurt my sister—

Something in the back of my mind clicked. _I don't _have _a sister._ The burning fled my body and I fell to my knees, this time trembling at the rapid loss of energy. Air hissed in and out through my teeth as I fought to catch breath I didn't know I'd lost.

"Jackie!"

"Hol-hold on a second!" I ground out, fingers curling into the frozen earth under me as I squeezed my eyes shut. A sharp growl came from my immediate left, and hatred was thicker than blood as it pounded like drumbeats inside my skull. _I can kill him! He's the reason Christa is dead! All I have to do is find that knife… And he'll finally be dead too! If he hadn't been smoking, the coals would have never exploded—_

"_I'm not going to kill Nick!_" I screamed, holding my head so that it didn't burst from the pressure building between my eyes. "_He didn't kill your sister! We're just here to find out what happened to all of you!_"

* * *

"And then what?" Zak prompted gently, dabbing my forehead with a washcloth.

"And then… Nothing. There was just nothing. Like I was floating…" My eyes fluttered shut for a moment before opening to look at his dark ones again. "Nick was yelling, freaking out… But the pain was gone. I was cold again. Whatever it was… Vanished."

"And you feel okay now?" Behind Zak, I saw Aaron's eyebrows furrow in concern as he closed up the first-aid kit they kept in the back of the van. I nodded slowly. "You're not nauseated, no headache? You can see okay? No double vision?"

"Uh-huh," I exhaled slowly. "Just… wiped. It sucked all my energy." Pausing, I asked, "The swamp and the creek were way closer to the path than the train cars were. Did you guys get anything good?"

"Girl, you definitely got the best evidence of the night," Zak said with a wry smile. He got that I was trying to wind down my brain and lighten the mood, and gave his best attempt at helping.

"The best thing we got was a raccoon scaring the living shit out of Cas," Natalie teased, nudging the redhead's arm as he scowled playfully at her.

"That was a huge-ass raccoon. More like a small coyote," he growled back. I cracked a small smile at the two of them bickering. Maybe it was because it was such a normal sight, instead of something else abnormal or even _paranormal_, that it made me feel better.

"So what was it, you think? Not a full-possession, because she remembers it… Not a partial one either, because she could control what she was doing… She just didn't want to." My blonde friend frowned as she spoke, earning a soft snort from Castiel, who muttered something about 'needing a smoke' before he trudged to the front of the van.

"Well… The air got really thick and hot right after Jackie got slapped. It was like the anger and hatred meltedinto her or something."

"So… You think I was just channeled," I said slowly, nodding to myself as the guys murmured agreement. "Definitely possible…"

"… Channeled…?"

My eyes flashed so quickly to the source of the voice that for a moment, my vision blurred before focusing on Lysander's beautiful, confused eyes. Somehow, it had slipped my mind that he didn't know anything about anything when it came to the paranormal. It was only too easy to forget that not everyone was as knowledgeable about the subject as Natalie and I were, what with our tiny obsession.

"It's when a spirit pushes its emotions—and sometimes thoughts—onto a living person," Zak explained easily.

"Like a human lightning-rod, but for spiritual energies," Natalie offered.

Nodding, the Ghost Adventures leader continued, "It's not the same as a possession in that the 'host,'" he made air-quotes with his fingers, "is completely conscious of what's going on, even if they may be influenced by the power of the spirit whose energy they are feeling. It's still incredibly dangerous because the person can become unpredictable and may not realize that what they're doing isn't them, like Jackie did."

The Victorian-dressed male nodded, drinking in every word and considering it all before speaking again. "But why Jackie and not Nick? After all, Nick has been investigating for a while."

"Usually a person is channeled because of some similarity that the spirits see between themselves and the person."

A shiver ran up my spine, and my eyes dropped to the cup of coffee in my hands. "She… wanted me to kill Nick because she thought he killed her sister."

"She?" I could hear the raise of eyebrows in Aaron's voice.

"Yeah. She. I think… It chose me… Because of Eric." Tears stung at the back of my eyes. Damn whatever that stupid woman-ghost had seen in my mind to think that I was like her. Eric had died in a car-crash! He hadn't been _murdered…_A hand patted my hair lightly, and I glanced through my lashes to see a pair of sympathy-glazed, mismatched eyes gazing down at me. The warmth there was like an embrace on its own, gently pushing aside the hurt. My voice was softer as I continued, my eyes never leaving his. "Eric died a month and a half ago… Maybe she mistook the lingering pain I had for the same one she had when her sister had been murdered."

* * *

**Yaaaaaaaay! I finally had time to sit down and finish a chapter, after a tiring last month of school. It's summer break now, though, so that means time to write! (Except June 29 through July 7, which is my family vacation time. I may or may not have a chapter in Doc Manager to post during that week by the time I get there, it jut depends.) Okay, for now it might seem like there is no significance to these lockdowns at all, but that's not true. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Also, I've decided to start doing review answers. Since there were no reviews for chapter 10, and there's only 15 anyway… I'm doing ones back to chapter 7 for these answers. (I got this idea from lostconcoctions, and I think it's a fabulous way to interact with your readers.)**

**1. Seraph's Blade: I'm glad you love Jackie and Natalie so much, they're definitely my favorite OC's yet. The Battle of the Bands isn't lost, just postponed. ;) Just you wait; it will be epic, definitely. I'm glad you liked their costumes. I have to admit, I was drooling over imagining my own character, haha. Oh gosh, that's all I hope for is to have someone love my writing as much as you do! I can't wait for more of your reviews!**

**2. Exactlyamanda: It might sound sick, but I love that kind of stuff too. I feel like the ability to write darker things and raw emotions is what defines a good writer from a bad one. Well, I did have Natalie 'review' the strip poker in her head… I hope you liked it. AAAH! Thanks so much, I'm so glad I did well with Cas! I was so worried about that. I miss you and your fanfic Only We Know, I hope you update soon… :(**

**3. MysteriousMew: Thanks, I'm glad I get points for originality. :3 Brave for doing a Castiel POV? Aw, thanks. I prefer to think of it as 'experimenting with my abilities' though. I'm glad you've seen my writing mature, and I feel like that's because I've read things like your writing that make me want to try that much harder!**

**4. guest: I don't know who you were, but you are the only guest to have reviewed so far, and I love you for it!**

**5. lostconcoctions: The edge of a cliff? I hope you don't fall, we all need your writing… :) I'm glad you think my skills are good, because I think I'm not that great. That might just be writer-me being too hard on myself though, like always.**

**6. nifrithandfuinle1: AAAAAAHHHH! I know! She's my hero toooooo!**

**One last thing! The next chapter, there's a second author I'll have to recognize for her help with ideas, and I'll credit her with getting me past some insane block I've been having… You'll just have to wait and see who, though! **

**If you want to add me on MCL, my name is DemonIris. Thanks you guuuuys! I love you!**

**~Thorn **


	12. The Thunder Rolls

**Jackie POV**

_Monday, December 6_

**Jacquelyn Rose updated her status at 11:46 AM**: Oh my gosh, you guys. The first lockdown was crazy—too crazy to say in an update. The next one isn't until this Saturday, so we're taking a mini-vacation in the middle. Take a guess where we're going? I can't believe Zak, Nick and Aaron are going too!—with **Natalie Ketzler**, **Castiel Jones**, and **Lysander Ainsworth**.

**Iris McGraw, Leigh Ainsworth, Rosalya Taylor, Kim Stockwell, Alexy Page, Armin Page, Nathaniel Montgomery, Derek Rose and 28 others like this.**

**Iris McGraw commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status: **I hope no one got hurt… It's been a boring weekend without you guys here! Um, maybe… Augusta?

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status: **Nope, try again! It's somewhere closer to home… ;)

**Rosalya Taylor commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status: **Trenton? Is it Trenton?

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status: **Rosa, you're absolutely no fun. *sigh* yes, it's Trenton.

**Alexy Page commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status: **YOU'RE GOING TO TRENTON?

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status: **Fo sho, Lex. You guys wanna meet us in a few hours? Zak's driving; he says the Black Heart Café is a good place.

**Alexy Page commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** IF ZAK BAGANS IS GOING TO BE THERE, COUNT ME IN. :DDDDDDDD

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status:** He says that's kinda creepy but he's happy there are fans like you? Lol that's just weird…

**Rosalya Taylor commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** Alexy, that's rather disturbing.

**Armin Page commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** Yeah, seriously. He's like, a TV star Alexy.

**Leigh Ainsworth commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** And he's like 35…

**Nathaniel Montgomery commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** Isn't that pedophile? O.o

**Alexy Page commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** ALL OF YOU CAN JUST SHOVE IT. :O

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status:** Cool it guys. So you wanna come or not? A break to see friends between lockdowns could do us some good… And we can shop Alexy, so no more tormenting poor Armin.

**Alexy Page commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** The only thing tormenting him is your DDR game.

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status:** HE'S AT MY HOUSE WHILE I'M GONE? :O

**Armin Page commented on Jacquelyn Rose's status:** We both are—your dad said he and your brother got lonely, so they invited us over. Zane is here too. AND ALEXY IT'S NOT TORMENTING ME! :(

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status:** Okay, okay… Are you coming or not? _People who like this comment: Alexy Page, Armin Page, Rosalya Taylor, Leigh Ainsworth, Nathaniel Montgomery, Melody Worthington, Iris McGraw, and Kim Stockwell._

**Jacquelyn Rose commented on her status:** Alright then. Meet us at the café at three.

* * *

Impatiently I tapped the toe of my black boot against the brick sidewalk outside the meeting place. It was positively frigid today, just like it have been for the past week, and I took a sip of my hot chocolate before burying my nose into my blue and gray scarf to avoid the wind. My hat didn't do much of anything to keep the wind off my ears, even with the flaps pulled way down to my chin. Castiel continually flicking the pom-poms on the end of the strings couldn't even irritate me; I was just too damn _cold. _Watching pedestrians stroll along the shop fronts in less clothing than I had on, pointing and laughing at things in windows drew an exasperated sigh from my throat. How they weren't as freezing as I was made no sense to me, not when it was like twenty degrees outside and the wind was practically tearing my jacket from my body.

"C'mon Jac. It ain't _that_ cold," Natalie teased, rolling her eyes as I shivered and shoved my face further into the soft fabric of my scarf, which had been slightly warmed from my breathing. I shot her a glare, which probably looked a bit strange.

"F-fuck you," I answered simply. She gave a fake gasp, stumbling backwards a few steps. Castiel snickered, turning his cup of coffee up and closing his eyes. In that moment, I hated him more than her; he was wearing the least of all of us, in only a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, with his black leather jacket over top.

"It's not polite for a lady to talk like that," Aaron scolded, shrugging his shoulders to fight off a shiver. One of his hands was holding his own Styrofoam cup and the other was shoved in the pocket of his sweatshirt.

"That's true, but you can't blame her… It's damn cold out here," Zak defended, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Normally I would have freaked out, but he was so warm and my lips we about to freeze off, so I only leaned against his side and accepted what he offered. His and Nick's attire was the same as Aaron's, though I suspected he probably had on two shirts underneath the outer layer instead of one.

"Lysander was probably the smartest one here." At Natalie's sigh, we all involuntarily glanced over our shoulders and into the café.

He sat in the back corner, one leg propped on the other, with his notebook lying on the table in front of him as he slowly drank whatever it was he had and scribbled notes onto the page. His normal clothes would have been plenty thick enough to keep him comfortable, but I suspected that the jeans and long sleeved shirt, even with his jacket, were simply not enough. If there was one thing to say, he didn't like the cold any more than I did, even if he didn't complain about it. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously as I watched him, thankful that the only thing anyone could see was my eyes and a bit of my cheeks. As if he felt my gaze, he looked up to stare back. Cocking his head slightly, he waved vaguely before returning to his notebook. I felt heat flood my face and suddenly I wasn't as cold anymore. This didn't go unnoticed by Natalie, who wriggled her eyebrows at me behind Nick. The blush got darker and I avoided looking at her.

"Maybe," Castiel grudgingly admitted, shifting from foot to foot. "Where the hell are they?" The redhead wasn't pleased with the fact that Nathaniel was coming, and the news had put him in a semi-sour mood; this wasn't good when the rest of us still had to put up with him for several more days, but Natalie was convinced she could make him feel better, or at least not so pissy. I was starting to wonder where our friends had gotten off to myself—it was a half hour after Iris had said they'd be here.

A loud call came from my left, and I glanced up just in time to see Alexy collide into my side, picking me up and squeezing me until I couldn't find oxygen. As the blue-haired Page twin grinned at me, I could see his breaths come out in puffs. Instead of his normal headphones, green earmuffs covered the sides of his face. His heavy jacket was neon orange and he wore the same dark jeans as always, but with boots instead of Reeboks.

"Hi," I squeaked as he dropped me, falling back to lean on Zak's shoulder as I gasped in an unsteady gulp of air.

"You haven't been texting me." He pouted, crossing his arms and looking very put out. I couldn't answer as the others all finally arrived at the group and greeted us. I noticed Nathaniel's arm draped loosely over Melody's shoulder and darted my eyes to Natalie, who was talking to the pair. There was no negative emotion in her face as she spoke to them, and she even laughed slightly at something one of them said. I'd been a little nervous for her after the incident at the party, but everything seemed to be fine. She really had gotten over it quickly, and she felt no bitterness toward either of them.

"Jackie, your scarf is absolutely _adorable_," Rosa gushed, picking up one end and examining it with a smile. I mumbled a thanks and she gave me a sympathetic smile. Thinking quickly, I introduced everyone to Zak, Nick, and Aaron before Iris suggested we get to shopping so that we didn't have to stand outside. Immediately I agreed and went inside to get Lysander, thankful for the opportunity to refill my drink and stand in the heat, even if only for a moment.

After speaking to the lady at the counter and paying for my second cup, I made my way over to the silver-haired male. Apparently he hadn't heard me come in because he was still just as absorbed in the words he was writing as ever. When he didn't look up, I paused to pull my nose up, breathe slowly and allowed myself to study him. He was just as gorgeous as ever… The eyes that I knew only too well to be stunning were trained on the paper, and his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he scratched through a line he'd only just written. His bangs hung over the left side of his face—my right—and the black tips faintly grazed the free hand he had laid on the table as he leaned closer to his work. His shirt bunched as he did so, riding up slightly to reveal a bit of skin just above the top of his jeans, and I bit my bottom lip again. I almost didn't want to disturb him but knew I didn't have a choice.

"Lysander?" I said quietly, shifting my weight to my left foot. When his eyes rose, the dazedness in them was reminiscent of that of a man who had just seen the light of love for the first time. He stood slowly, closing his notebook without the slightest rustling of papers.

"Yes?" he responded softly. Suddenly I was very keenly aware of how _close_ we were when the gentle puffs of his warm breath washed over my forehead. My mind went absolutely blank and I froze, not knowing what to do. "Is something wrong?"

"N-no." Swallowing my stutter, I inclined my head slightly as my hands tightened a bit on my cup, only to be absorbed by the depths of his eyes once again. For a moment I thought I saw emotions like uncertainty and desire flicker through them as his gaze briefly dropped from my own to what I assumed was my mouth. My tongue felt dry and where the willpower to create words came from was beyond me. "The others are here, they want to get going…"

"Ah. We'd best not keep them waiting, then." Silence passed between us before his hand moved toward my face. I stared at him, my eyes widening as I prepared for I didn't know what—to find him pushing the end of my scarf back over my shoulder before grabbing his notebook and moving around me to the door. I felt like my chest might explode from my heart beating so frantically inside it as I made my way out behind him.

What had I thought he was going to do? … I knew what it was. I'd expected a kiss in that second. How stupid. He wasn't like that. Lysander was polite and proper, not one to make advances on a girl and especially one he didn't know all that much about. Still… I hadn't imagined those flashes in his eyes, had I? I kept telling myself that I had, but the more I thought about it the less likely it seemed.

_No_, I finally decided,_ it was your mind in the heat of the moment you created trying to justify what you may or may not feel for him. You like him, and you know it! He's smart and sweet and polite and handsome… And he has the same passion for music that you do. So it's only natural to feel an attraction to him, right? Right. You don't have a crush on him, you admire him and you can relate to him. That's all._

"Jackie?" I was startled out of my inner argument to look up into Alexy's worried blue expression. "You okay?"

"Of course!" I tried to make my voice as bright as possible, but it came out as more of a half-hearted squeak. From the look he shot me, he knew better than to ask around the others; instead he grabbed my arm, slowed down so we were twenty or so feet behind, and lowered his voice.

"Is this about what happened with that little moment you two had?" I was genuinely surprised and I knew my face reflected it, but for once his was incredibly serious. "Kim, Natalie and I all saw. I don't know what you think about him, but the way he looked at you was definitely not a lie. Kim thought he was gonna kiss you or something, except he wouldn't dare do it in public."

"H-he's not like that Lex. I mean, we barely—"

"Don't feed me that line of shit." My mouth dropped open. It was so unlike my friend to curse at all that he really must have felt very strongly about this. "You guys have known each other for three months now. You hang out a lot with him and his brother—don't tell me you don't either—and you talk about him more than any other person. Whether you think you like him or not, it's not hard to see that you really do. You guys are perfect for each other. I talked to Violette and she said no one has ever gotten him to talk as much as you do, with the exception of Castiel of course. You're both into the same kinds of music; you're both quiet people… He makes you happy to talk to him—"

"Because I can relate!" My voice came out louder than I meant and Iris glanced back over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. I waved and faked a smile, letting out a breath when she turned and continued to walk.

"Exactly. I don't know much about girls, but I know a thing or two about love. You're really into him, and the more you fight it, the more frustrated and hurt you'll be."

His words shocked me into submission and left me to reflect in quiet amazement. Yes, he was right… But where did that leave me? The benefit concert for the veterans in our area was in three weeks, and Alan had decided that was a good time to finish up the competition. Neither of the bands knew yet, and we had promised him to tell the four boys when we returned from our excursion. It was no time to be getting attached to them, in case my emotions could be considered as leverage or interference… And I certainly didn't want that. No, in fact, I was terrified of hurting any chance Lysander and Castiel had of making it in the music world like they so desperately desired to do, since I knew only too well the sweat and blood it took to even barely cut it in the industry. What did that mean for my feelings? … It meant that at least until January, I had to tank all of them because they didn't matter one bit. I had to focus on the task of getting this concert up and running and wait to see who would come out on top in the end. That was the only future I could see clearly, if only for now. What really mattered was my career and my family (or what was left of the shambles thereof) and nothing else. I didn't have time to be falling head-over-heels for a boy that I probably wouldn't even know ten years from now.

So in that moment, I made a resolution. I would not and could not admit to anyone other than Alexy my feelings for Lysander Ainsworth. He would furthermore be only a friend, and while I could watch his progress and hope for the best, I would not interfere in the slightest. Nothing that happened to him could matter to me no matter what the cause or result.

And in the next moment, my resolve to follow that resolution vanished.

* * *

Lysander POV

Lights swirled beyond my eyelids in disorienting dances. Who or where I was had no meaning at all, not when the only thing I could comprehend was _pain: _an intense burning in my limbs and chest that left me gasping for breath. My body ached and protested against whatever poison was racing through my veins; it seemed in the end that I was losing despite my best efforts. I could feel my will to fight slowly dying like the embers of a fire as the energy left me, probably for good. Voices drifted in and out of my awareness, though I was too far beyond my senses to identify any of them. Several stood out as vaguely familiar and one in particular caught what attention I could draw away from the searing fire in my blood. It kept calling my name—it came muffled as if through water, but it was my name. _Lysander…_ it whispered. _Lysander please… Please wake up. Please be okay… Lysander… _I wanted more than anything to respond, to tell whoever it was that was so worried that I would be okay and keep trying to defeat whatever it was that currently had such a deadly hold on me; but the more I tried, the farther I sank into the darkness.

When I again rose from the haze, there was a long moment in which I was so completely disoriented that there was no possibility that I would be able to recognize anything. I closed my eyes once more, relishing the shelter the action brought, and inhaled slowly. My brain was fuzzy, probably from some kind of drug, and I struggled to for coherent thoughts. Was I broken? No, that breath may have been sort of shallow but it hadn't hurt my lungs. Hesitantly I flexed my fingers, then my toes, my arms and legs… all with no pain. Finally I could crack my eyelids and stare up in a mixture of relief and wonder.

The ceiling above me was off-white and sloped off on my right to a window covered by thick tan curtains. A patterned border ran along the center of the cream walls to the door in the far left corner. In all, the room was quite plain, which was to be expected. Frowning slightly, I lowered my gaze to my blanket-covered bootless feet. Why was it so _hot_ in here? Weren't hospital rooms supposed to be freezing to keep the viruses and bacteria down? With some difficulty I pulled the sheet free and off my legs, sighing in relief. Strangely enough, I had failed to notice the weight on the right side of the bed until it disappeared when I made the sharp movement to rid myself of the heavy covers. My eyes met a pair of stormy gray ones dazed with sleep. They blinked several times before some kind of realization dawned in them.

"You're okay," Jackie breathed, reaching over to squeeze my hand. She looked like death: her normally smooth brown hair was frizzed and messy like she hadn't bothered to run a brush through it, her face was pale and there were dark-circles under her eyes which were slightly puffy and red. A quick glance to her clothes revealed similar disarray. "God we… We've been so worried about you…" The words were little more than a croak and I caught unshed tears shimmer just behind her lashes. Suddenly, my ability to make my tongue work at all vanished. "The doctors… They said the medicine you were taking for your carpal tunnel… It had codeine in it… Apparently the last time you got the prescription filled the pharmacist made a mistake and didn't pay attention to the fact that you are severely allergic… They said it was a mistake…" Her eyes had dropped from mine and as I watched, her hands curled into fists and her shoulders began to shake. "I… I can't believe something like that… If it hasn't happened before now… Then this had to be intentional… Especially since… Since…"

No more words came, only a geyser of tears as she threw her body against my chest and hugged my neck. As disoriented as I was, the action made no sense; and my arms involuntarily wrapped themselves around her small frame as she sobbed against my skin. _Especially since what? _None of that had made the slightest bit of sense. While what she said was true—that I was allergic to codeine—if she thought someone had mixed up the pills on purpose… That meant someone had wanted me dead. Adrenaline dumped into my veins like ice water, and my heart thudded so hard it almost hurt. Beside me, the beeping of a machine sped up. Taking several deep breaths through my nose, I struggled to compose myself. No, I told myself, there was no one that I had made an enemy that would try to kill me. It was just a big misunderstanding… Wasn't it? As the doubt crossed my mind, the door to my room opened with a soft click.

"Jackie, Cas says your dad—" Natalie froze when she could look in our direction. Emotion after emotion flashed through her blue eyes before they settled into a mixture of relief and softness. "You're awake…" She swallowed then coughed slightly, and I tried to imagine the current situation through her perspective, and it occurred to me how strange this must have seemed. "Good to see you among the living, Weirdo." I cracked a smile at how much like my best friend she sounded.

"I appreciate the concern."

The hold on me loosened, and with a soft sound, Jackie sat back to rub her eyes. "Sorry…" she mumbled, turning to the blonde. "My dad what?"

In that second, Natalie looked much less comfortable to be speaking. "You dad called Castiel again… He said he agrees with you… It wasn't an accident… And he's on his way up here to 'explain everything.'"

"How long?"

"Now." All three pairs of eyes turned to the tall man standing in the door.

"Daddy…" The amount of fear in the one word that came from the girl sitting next to me was more than enough to spark my own unease.

"I'm sorry baby girl. But it's high time I told you the truth."

"What are you talking about?"

"When the police found your brother… There was more wrong with him than just the trauma from the crash. They had an autopsy done… And there were two bullets in his skull. Jacquelyn… Your brother didn't die because of the car accident. He was dead before that. Eric… Was murdered."

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**Chapter title is: _The Thunder Rolls_ by _Garth Brooks_ (If you haven't heard this, then go look it up cuz goddamn it this song and Garth as a whole is just amazing.)**

**Oh my god you guys I'm sooooo sorry! I'm so devastated that it's been like a month more than when I said I would update… I've got some explaining to do, and you can hate me afterwards.**

**So first of all, school has started again and I'm taking college level courses during my JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL—all the work is enough to make me want to blow my brains out. I've had next to no time to write since I'm attempting to have some form of a minor social life around all this and my clubs; I'm finally getting into a groove and I figure right about the time I get comfortable with all this is when I won't have time to write again. The truth is, the only reason I got this written was because I got sick today and could stay home…. AND it's a short chapter. I know I know, but I'm working on the next one like crazy as we speak. But can't you tell? CLIFFHANGERSSSSSSSSSS.**

**What I've decided is that I'm going to keep writing this, but the updates will be less often than I'd like. I'm going to AIM for every other Saturday, but if I can't, sorry, I will update as often as possible. And during breaks if I don't have too much work to do, I'll write then as well and as much as I can. During November I will also be taking another break from it for NaNoWriMo so I can get these 50,000 words of ideas onto paper. How you ask? I've got no idea. But I'll do it. And then I'll get back to this as soon as possible.**

**Okay, now if you're still here reading this, I thought you might like to hear what I have to say actually regarding the story content. So before I went to go rewrite my other story, I actually had part of this chapter written, and I fully intended to do the next lockdown and this was going to be an NYC chapter. But when I came back to it, I absolutely HATED what I had written. So I scrapped this original chapter and my planning for the next one and reworked my storyline slightly. So this is where everything really starts heating up, kitties. I have about fifteen more chapters planned out, maybe a few more.**

**Thanks for sticking with me, review responses time! There were quite a few while I was gone…**

**PhantonWriter: I'm glad you reviewed! I HOPE you're still here, it's been so long…**

**Rina: Yay, a guest review! Thank you so much! I hope the end of this chapter answered your question…**

**TheInsaneChick: Yay I'm glad you love it!**

**musicgal3: You left A LOT of reviews…. So, here I go in an attempt to answer them all. I debated having them put it on Youtube, hehe, but Jackie isn't quite that mean. Natalie however, maybe, if she found the recording…. *laughs evilly* Jase I find is a very interesting character in my mind, I'm very pleased that I'll get to work with both he and Fox quite a bit more before this is all said and done. Of COURSE their interview was awkward! It's Lys and Cas we're talking about here, duh! XD I'm glad you liked it, and yes, that was the general idea that Natalie's brief crush fate was overshadowed. This is, after all, a mystery. I was bawling my eyes out while WRITING the chapter, so I completely understand that… I hope I wrote Castiel well, it makes me so nervous! *chews fingernails* I loved that quote about Fox, too—he's so funny in my head. He's always chattering away like my conscience. XD Well, it's true. They even said Leigh was hopeless in the kitchen, and I could totally imagine Lysander having to eat his notebook paper. . _ . Sort of, but I feel like it's more to the effect of he can empathize with her suckish past. I love Alexy, and I wish he was datable, but then I wouldn't have my gay best friend ^_^ I think people love the way I write him because I enjoy using him TREMENDOUSLY. Yes, Lysander is a doll, Castiel will always be afraid of raccoons ;) and I hope this chapter pleased you to make you keep reading!**

**Okay, so hopefully I'll have a new chapter up in a couple weeks, keep your fingers crossed, okay, guys? Pray for me cuz otherwise I might not survive school… If any of you are still here, that means the world to me, and any new readers (holy cow if I have them) I'd like to hear from all of you!**

**Also, please tell me how I did with the Lysander POV: I know it was really short, but the whole chapter was, so…**

**Anyway, I'll catch you guys later~**

**~Thorn**


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